Els Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I've been dithering on this one for a while. Let's say you have an argument. You both take a while to cool off. Then come back, make up, passion, etc etc. When do you slot in the discussion to see how you both can learn from it and not have it happen again? I don't agree with having it while the argument is still fresh and you're making up, although that's when I feel like having it the most. I think the make-up is very important - you both got angry at each other, and now you need to reassure each other that you still love them, and be assured. But wait too long and it's like, eh, why are you bringing up something so long past when it hasn't happened again? But if you wait til it happens again, there is no guarantee that it won't cause another argument, cause you both won't be in a neutral mood to discuss it then.
LittleTiger Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 We're both 'hot headed' at times and things can really overheat to boiling point on the odd occasion. However, we don't 'make-up' as such. We tend to just let things cool down. Provided one of us is willing to admit we're responsible a simple 'sorry' is usually enough. If further discussion is required it tends to happen the next day. It gives sufficient time and space for things to return to normal without letting it get to the 'dragging up ancient history' point. Of course, there is the potential for the temperature to rise again when you bring things up so soon, but we both tend to be aware of that (and wary) and hence the discussion will involve some back pedalling on both sides. It's a bit like a verbal dance I suppose and it gets easier to do smoothly once you really understand your partner's style of communication and how they think. Sometimes it becomes apparent that the next day is too soon. In that case we let it drop. You can almost guarantee a similar argument will erupt at some point though and then we'll usually resolve things the following day - a sort of 'second round' of the same topic. I think it's just a question of really learning about each other and the better you are at communicating, the easier it gets.
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