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Ex just called me after 2.5 months after leaving me for someone else...

SCG_Sasa1111

By SCG_Sasa1111
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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SCG_Sasa1111 Member

SCG_Sasa1111

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We were together for 4.5 years and in OCTOBER she decided she would leave me for this guy in her program...She just called me today after about a month of NC...I havent seen her since beginning of November...she was in tears saying how she had no 1 else she could turn 2..she has no friends all this crap...and how she can't do this anymore...she said she made a mistake she cant be with him...and how she doesnt kno wat 2 do..he apperently lied 2 her n he leaves every other weekend..2 go train for piloting school or sum crap..and how she cant take that..n how they always argue and broken up contantly since they got together back in november....im just liek i told you so.... I told her im no one's doormat..but i really don't know her intentions..she said they broke up today and she doesnt want 2 deal wit him anymore..n she even asked me if i could be the one 2 tell him 2 leave her alone....wat is she tryin 2 do here?? She is clearly not over me because she keeps tellin me how she always mentions me 2 him wen there together sayin how I dont do that..or I do do that...n how she always compares us and she also mentioned how his family does not liek her..basically everything that can go wrong is..and she is calling me to talk to me because she has no 1 else...i am in a really weird position....

Am4Real Established Member

Am4Real

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We were together for 4.5 years and in OCTOBER she decided she would leave me for this guy in her program...She just called me today after about a month of NC...I havent seen her since beginning of November...she was in tears saying how she had no 1 else she could turn 2..she has no friends all this crap...and how she can't do this anymore...she said she made a mistake she cant be with him...and how she doesnt kno wat 2 do..he apperently lied 2 her n he leaves every other weekend..2 go train for piloting school or sum crap..and how she cant take that..n how they always argue and broken up contantly since they got together back in november....im just liek i told you so.... I told her im no one's doormat..but i really don't know her intentions..she said they broke up today and she doesnt want 2 deal wit him anymore..n she even asked me if i could be the one 2 tell him 2 leave her alone....wat is she tryin 2 do here?? She is clearly not over me because she keeps tellin me how she always mentions me 2 him wen there together sayin how I dont do that..or I do do that...n how she always compares us and she also mentioned how his family does not liek her..basically everything that can go wrong is..and she is calling me to talk to me because she has no 1 else...i am in a really weird position....

 

Can you please run a spell check on your posts or use actual English words -- this is very difficult to read. Thanks.

 

She wants someone to talk to (you) but doesn't really want you back if what you're telling us and from what I can understand in your cryptic message. Hence she is using you to help her get over whatever happended't between her and the guy she left you for.

 

It's simple really, don't get involved and go back to NC for your own good. She will dump you again as soon as she is feeling better or worse yet, run back to the guy she dumped you for the first time. Man up and walk away.

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0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

Posted
Posted
We were together for 4.5 years and in OCTOBER she decided she would leave me for this guy in her program...She just called me today after about a month of NC...I havent seen her since beginning of November...she was in tears saying how she had no 1 else she could turn 2..

 

Yes, yes no one else to turn to. She cut off her friends too, when she left you? I really hope that's just her exaggerating. You're not her knight in shining armor. You are the ex that she dumped so she could be with another guy.

 

she has no friends all this crap...and how she can't do this anymore...she said she made a mistake she cant be with him...and how she doesnt kno wat 2 do..he apperently lied 2 her n he leaves every other weekend..2 go train for piloting school or sum crap..and how she cant take that..n how they always argue and broken up contantly since they got together back in november....im just liek i told you so....

 

So she should just break up with him the way she was able to break up with you. She's well-versed in the act of breaking up now, so what is going on that she doesn't want to?

 

I told her im no one's doormat..but i really don't know her intentions..she said they broke up today and she doesnt want 2 deal wit him anymore..n she even asked me if i could be the one 2 tell him 2 leave her alone....wat is she tryin 2 do here?? She is clearly not over me because she keeps tellin me how she always mentions me 2 him wen there together sayin how I dont do that..or I do do that...n how she always compares us and she also mentioned how his family does not liek her..basically everything that can go wrong is..and she is calling me to talk to me because she has no 1 else...i am in a really weird position....

This is her problem. Why is she involving you again? :confused:

 

So... why is she making this your problem, too? She left you, she broke up with you, why is she involving you again? I'm pointing out the obvious here, but she has trouble written all over this.

 

It's up to you what you want to do. It's hard to turn away someone who needs help, but really... why is she ordering you to do her job? She should tell him to leave her alone, she's the one dating him! :sick: She's expecting you to come rescue her and then what? You do her this favor, she's free from the guy and she's just going to... what with you? She's not planning this out very well and she's involving you with her problems. No, I do not like this one bit. :mad:

 

How do you feel now after finding out that your ex experienced a harsh awakening from G.I.G.S.? This is all bad news. All bad news.

jnj express Established Member

jnj express

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Do not be foolish----she dropped you, and left you the dust---now she wants you to intercede for her in someone else's life----that is not a good idea---you have no idea about what this guy is all about----stay away and resume your NC----you have moved on stay that way----she made her bed, she found out the grass wasn't greener---it was actually brown----she is now toxic to you----stay away

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cmoney Member

cmoney

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In my humble opinion, that was very selfish of her!! Now, let's see if I have this straight, she left you for someone else, he treated her like ****, she has no friends or lost her friends for whatever reason. Correct? Anyway, I would submit she lost the right to call you and burden you with ANYTHING when she decided to go be with this guy!! I also believe that this was very, very arrogant of her to think that you would or should actually care about how things are going with this new guy. She made her be, she needs to lay in it!!!!!

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SCG_Sasa1111 Member

SCG_Sasa1111

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Yee I went for a 15 day vacation back home..and this is when it occured..she couldnt handle the seperation from me..and she got attached 2 whoever came into the picture...he came into it at the time i was gone..and she thought she developed feelings..i knew this from the beginning that she would end up regreting her decision.

 

I told her your making a huge mistake if you take me over him...on the phone she is saying they broke up many times..but he doesnt like want to let it go..and she doesnt kno how to end it..n i told her straight up just how u ended it with me..end it with him...its a case of grass is greener syndrome and of course as is this case..grass isnt green..she has went downhill ever since all of this. In terms of school, friends, overall lifestlye.

 

Now shes coming back and telling me she ended it with him..this is really ****ing weird..she says she has no one else to turn to...and she comes back to me..after everything.

0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

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she says she has no one else to turn to...and she comes back to me..after everything.

 

That must have been a difficult break-up on your part 2.5 months ago. :(. Are you going to take her back?

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SCG_Sasa1111 Member

SCG_Sasa1111

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It was the hardest thing I had to do in my life. The way that It happened was literally heart breaking. I felt betrayed; blow to the ego. Having the closest person, who you trusted the most leave you for someone else because you left for 15 days and the fact she couldn't handle the seperation she got attached to him?..It really made my heart spin 1000 times a second...Those 2.5 months were torture. Especially the fact she went into the relationship like a week after we broke up:S..it literally threw me off completley.

 

Now shes coming and crying to me on the phone? Telling me shes gona break up with him....I seriously am in a ****ing weird position. I told her i am no one's doormat and that If I couldnt have you 100 % i dont want anything of you.

 

The trust is completley gone..but I dono couples always get back together so who knows what will happen...All i know is my head says I shouldnt but my heart is likee telling me don't fight what you still feel....I am really confused.

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SCG_Sasa1111 Member

SCG_Sasa1111

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my head spin***

0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

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It was the hardest thing I had to do in my life. The way that It happened was literally heart breaking. I felt betrayed; blow to the ego. Having the closest person, who you trusted the most leave you for someone else because you left for 15 days and the fact she couldn't handle the seperation she got attached to him?..It really made my heart spin 1000 times a second...Those 2.5 months were torture. Especially the fact she went into the relationship like a week after we broke up:S..it literally threw me off completley.

 

Now shes coming and crying to me on the phone? Telling me shes gona break up with him....I seriously am in a ****ing weird position. I told her i am no one's doormat and that If I couldnt have you 100 % i dont want anything of you.

 

The trust is completley gone..but I dono couples always get back together so who knows what will happen...All i know is my head says I shouldnt but my heart is likee telling me don't fight what you still feel....I am really confused.

Good. Hearing that doubt is good. Second chances do work out, but it seems like the successful couples start off with a completely clean slate and get together after a long period of separation. There's no formula to it, of course, but at least in your situation, it sounds so fresh still in your mind. You have to heal still and that's why hearing your doubts is good. It means you're not ready. People who get back together too soon for the wrong reasons and without independent growth are more likely to repeat the same mistakes.

 

My break-up, strangely enough, made me into a more optimistic person. If you're willing to reconcile and if she's grown, I hope it works out for the two of you. Above all of that, I wish you luck and that you make the decision that makes you happiest. If you decide not to, good riddance to her, too! :mad: She realizes your value when she's in need. Yeesh.

Edited by 0hpenelope
WiseOne1 Established Member

WiseOne1

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This should actually piss you off more!!! Think about if for a few minutes. She left you for being a sweet caring guy, didn't give her much problems, but when the (new guy) does it, she has such a hard problem breaking up with him???????

 

Just like you said, she should leave him high and dry just like she left you. I've dealt with a sistuation like this before, i've had ex's come back saying the EXACT same thing your said. Which was, me and the new bf breakup so much, we argue all the time, he doesn't call me enough, but i don't know how to break up with him.....I say simple. Do it the same way you left me, give him the same speech.

 

She isn't over him, don't let yourself be pulled in. She just like my ex, right now she hates his guts but still hasn't pulled the trigger (as far as breaking up with him), whats going to happen is. In 10 days or less, he'll come back and explain that he loves her very much and may give her flowers or sorts, and next thing you know, she's acting distant towards you again, and she'll soon tell you why.

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SCG_Sasa1111 Member

SCG_Sasa1111

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That is very true, when I look back maybe I shouldn't have even answered. I told her if you are having this much problems with him and you realize you made a mistake than end it and fix **** while you can becuase it can only get worse the more you stay in it. I told her I knew from the beginning it wasn't gona work out...you thought because I left for 15 days the feelings you developed for someone else can replace me?

 

She said she would break up with him and text me what happened. I doubt either of that is going to happen. Im proud that this is happening to her, but the fact that she can't get out of it..and shes talking to me about it..puts me in a very weird position.

 

I dono really its a messed up situation. I don't know what to do. She says shes gona break up with him..apperently they have been arguing and breaking up many times.

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SCG_Sasa1111 Member

SCG_Sasa1111

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I feel like I am back to square 1 of the whole NC thing..2.5 months of recovering..I feel likee i am starting from the beginning again..ahhhhhhhhhh...I don't know how to overcome this

donovant91 Member

donovant91

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you know what you have to do. Ignore her she made her choice already. You've seen what shes capable of she is a time bomb, just like my ex lmao. Left me for another guy in a period of our relationship when I wasn't paying enough attention to her, and we were together for 5 years and she fed me the crap about being together forever blablabla. They've been together for two weeks and are already talking about marriage and how much they love each other. Do you really want someone who even has the potential to betray you like that? Girls like that are selfish an childish, you're much better off to just let her deal with her decision and continue NC, believe me it feels crappy now but it WILL get better.

Elli New Member

Elli

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I got tired of being by myself and being ignored over a period of years. There were alot of problems in the marriage as my now ex wasn't grown up as he did a lot of teenage things that hurt me alot. He was not a successful father as somehow thought he didn't want to or didn't know how. Somehow I believe he just didn't want to. I know I brought things up that he needed to do with his children and he resented anything I suggested. Honestly, I thought I was helping him see his errors, but not knowing the male specie I guess I made a mistake. I thought honest communication was the best way to proceed.

 

After the breakup he remarried within two years. He spends very little time with his family and seems to not really care as he has a new life. He is a phoney and leads a very selfish life as this wife boughs to him. I'm guessing that they want a lot of time to do what they want to as they sure don't spend it with anyone in the family. These two are quite a pair as they knew each other for years.

 

I've moved on and decided it is better to be by myself than be ignored by someone you care about.

 

I've dated some, but I always see the same problems that I had in these relationships. I really think that I just don't trust men as I find them immature and can't deal with teenage behavior. I have problems relating to them as if there is a problem with emotion they don't want to deal with it. It makes me think that they aren't what I need as if one isn't going to be there for me why continue with the relationship. I have to admit the quality of men don't seem like it is there since I was younger. Any suggestions on where there are decent men?

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Just remember this. She had no trouble breaking it off with you and leaving you in the dust and a broken heart to be with this other person. She may tell you that she's broken it off with this OP but don't believe it. Someone already said it. It isn't your job to be her knight in shining armor. She gave that guy up to be with someone else

 

I'm pretty sure that if you talked to her today that she would be singing a different tune. She was mad and upset and needed to vent; you fell for the bait. I would tell her, sorry for your troubles and move on!

carhill Established Member

carhill

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OP, though I'd recommend against it, preferring black hole NC, if you want to have one more contact before that, and she contacts you, simply tell her when she's ready for a full, monogamous and intimate relationship to come knock on your door and you'll listen, not to be confused with take her back. Then, erase her.

 

Face to face usually defeats these attention whores/tampon seekers. I know this from long experience. They find an easier target, as easily as scrolling to the next name on their phone.

 

Good luck and my sympathies....

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