Author LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 You were in a FWBs relationship. There are some rules to follow when you are doing the stuff. The most important rule is that you should do multidating. But, you probably were in an exclusive relationship with your guy. I assume he was doing multidating because it is normal for FWBs. Multidating helps people to avoid attachment. Another rule is that you naturally consider as a blessing the fact that your FWBs leaves you without a word. The point of FWBs is that your partner is not good enough for you to see him as a person. But, he is good for now as a sex object. There are plenty of guys who are not good enough for you and you can take care of their sexual needs anytime. That is why you should be happy that you get rid of him so easily. If you do not feel this way about him, it means you had feelings for him even you are in denial about that. As for "He has always been extremely affectionate with me out in public, touching, kissing, grabbing...all of it. We had dinner, went to sports..", he was so sweet intentionally. Men are afraid of rejection. So, they try hard to please women to prevent rejection and protect their feelings. If he was not so sweet, he could end up in your shoes of being rejected. I was dating others, but not having sex with them...the others were people I could consider a long term option. he was just sex. I enjoyed reading your last paragraph. This is the stuff I wouldn't know since i'm not a guy. And it makes more sense that way. Thanks for that. it puts things in perspective!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I'm a grad student...he barely got through High School so we were not compatible intellectually. We... had sex... he could never be more than hot sex, I called him a jerk So...WTF happened? I swear I'm not leaving anything out. I need to understand what happened. Wait a minute. What??? Any fool can see that had your post been authored by a man, that man would be the "jerk" in the scenario. So why is it being twisted the opposite way merely for your gender? Beyond that, men have zero interest in being mere "friends" with women whom they don't (and/or no longer) want to bang. The guy probably found a girlfriend and maintained the priorities that most males have.
dispatch3d Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Someone had to end it, and it sounds like an unhealthy relationship to me.
alexlakeman Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Women do it all the time... shoe's on the other foot... He rather be the dumper than the dumpee..
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Damn...that's one judgmental statement. FYI, I had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship before I started this one. I was just taking my time and enjoying being single. We went to dinner, brunch, sporting events, movies weekly, and had sex weekly. and one thing's for sure, i was far from cheap and he had no qualms spending good $$$ on me. so put that in your pipe and smoke it. Happy to hear he paid for it......
refurb Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 It was a relationship based on sex. I assume the guy is looking for something more serious. Are you really that surprised that you got dumped for someone who could offer more? Sure, he didn't give you an explanation, but come on! It was nothing more than a physical relationship. You were having sex because it was convenient. He had nothing invested. It would be nice if he gave you an explanation, but are you that surprised that he didn't? RF
depplover_1980 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I think it's basic human manners to have told you he had enough, if even by a kind polite text if nothing else. Perhaps my standards are too high - treat others as you'd like to be treated. After all the milkman would not just stop delivering the milk, he'd post you a note and milk is much less important than sex!
MissKnowitall Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 FWB are a waste of time. If I am going to have just sex, even great sex, pay me for it and I can pay off my school loans. Why do women put themselves through this stuff? I am not judging but girlfriend, you were used and tossed aside. Yes women can have FWB and casual sex but those women don't care if he calls or not. You do so you are like most women, needing some type of validation that you were not USED. But you were Simple as that. You deserve better but that implies you need to cultivate something more meaningful. You weren't even a real friend with this guy. I am talking from experience btw. The best sex is sex when you are in love or at least real friends. I was in your situation once or twice and I felt used. Another problem is you get in the habit of 'casual' experiences with men, you won't be relationship material for a guy who really is into you. He will sense you take things too lightly and not take you seriously. He owes you nothing. Sad isn't it? I feel for ya. Been there, no thanks.
Surrealist Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I'm a guy and you wanna know what a guy thinks? You were his piece of meat, that's all. He just discarded you like used up meat scraps. Whenever you have discarded meat scraps, have you ever offered an explanation to the discarded scraps? Probably not, though with people starving around the world, it wouldn't unreasonable to do so. The analogy here is about as meaningful to your 'sex' arrangement, at least from a guy's perspective, which is why guys like myself advise against this behavior. But of course we are the party poopers or nice guy doormats or whatever ****ing dumb **** people call guys who don't engage in promiscuity and would prefer a woman to have exercised some restraint.
LittleTiger Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I'm a guy and you wanna know what a guy thinks? You were his piece of meat, that's all. He just discarded you like used up meat scraps. I'm a woman, but I totally agree with you here. The relationship was what it was. You gave yourself to him willingly and when he'd had enough he walked away. You were free to do the same. Nowhere in your unwritten 'contract' did it say he had to behave like a gentleman. To be so concerned, and even dream about the guy, suggests an emotional investment you obviously didn't intend. Forget him and move on. Life's too short.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 and realize I certainly don't understand dating and do empathize with males' complaints about dating and women today. The OP represents a microcosm of a male's angst. A smart intelligent female (I will let my imagination run wild and include attractive;)), choosing an intellectually inferior co@kSman/player (but I'm sure very attractive and probably never married/kids) as her fwb where their conversations are all about sex, while casually dating others and then complaining that she got dumped without an explanation.... Sorry if I am not shedding any tears.....
Author LittleJ Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Hey all: Thanks for all of the feedback. I like hearing everyone's perspective. I suppose I unconsciously invested more emotionally than I had thought. It's cool. I'm getting over it, thanks to you all. I even appreciate the more harsh criticisms on here, specifically from ToodamnPragmatic. It's interesting to see things from that perspective as well. I guess it's a C'est la vie situation. It was definitely fun while it lasted...and definitely a romp in the sack I'll never forget. I think my FWB days are over. i'm more of a relationship person anyway...Thanks all! xoxo
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 (edited) section as I had very few before meeting (very luckily:D) my spouse. But I am a yenta and have to add my 2 cents when and where I can (and frankly nothing new or of interest in Marriage & Life Partnership Subsection:laugh:).... LittleJ sorry if I came across crass (couldn't help it;)), but you I hope deserve better, and I hope you do meet a decent guy and look beyond the one attribute this OG seemed to bring...... Edited January 30, 2011 by Toodamnpragmatic
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