LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Hey everyone: So here's the dealio: I was seeing this guy for a few months...nothing serious, mostly sexual. I'm a grad student...he barely got through High School so we were not compatible intellectually. We couldn't have a conversation about anything other than "how i wanna devour you" blah blah...which was fine for me. He was a master in the sack and i believe the feeling was mutual. He has always been extremely affectionate with me out in public, touching, kissing, grabbing...all of it. We had dinner, went to sports event, and had sex. There was never any desire on either of our parts to get serious. So here's what happened: He dropped me like a hot potato. Like one minute he was all over me, then i didn't hear from him in 2 weeks, and then it was over. i wasn't overly upset because he could never be more than hot sex, but what is upsetting is being dropped like that after 4 months of sleeping together. I asked for closure. No response. I asked him what happened. no response. I called him a jerk and deleted him from my phone and FB and that's it...I just want some explanation of WTF happened. i'm at a loss and I would hope we could at least be friends...but nothing. OVER. Gone. So...WTF happened? I swear I'm not leaving anything out. I need to understand what happened.
SarcasticBlonde Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Hey everyone: So here's the dealio: I was seeing this guy for a few months...nothing serious, mostly sexual. I'm a grad student...he barely got through High School so we were not compatible intellectually. We couldn't have a conversation about anything other than "how i wanna devour you" blah blah...which was fine for me. He was a master in the sack and i believe the feeling was mutual. He has always been extremely affectionate with me out in public, touching, kissing, grabbing...all of it. We had dinner, went to sports event, and had sex. There was never any desire on either of our parts to get serious. So here's what happened: He dropped me like a hot potato. Like one minute he was all over me, then i didn't hear from him in 2 weeks, and then it was over. i wasn't overly upset because he could never be more than hot sex, but what is upsetting is being dropped like that after 4 months of sleeping together. I asked for closure. No response. I asked him what happened. no response. I called him a jerk and deleted him from my phone and FB and that's it...I just want some explanation of WTF happened. i'm at a loss and I would hope we could at least be friends...but nothing. OVER. Gone. So...WTF happened? I swear I'm not leaving anything out. I need to understand what happened. He met someone else. I'm not a guy, but it doesn't take a guy or a genius to figure this out. You were just FWB so he doesn't owe you an explanation. He has obviously found someone else, so you should too.
OceanGirl Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 How often did you see each other? How often were you in contact?
carhill Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Yes, it appears, as your 'relationship' revolved around sex, and it appears it was wonderful sex, that was the extent of it. FWB is similar to 'masturbating' with a partner. It feels good in the moment but there is no lasting 'connection' to grow and nurture. This masturbation period ended, was spectacular and you'll likely have great memories of it, even when married with children many years from now. It was what it was. He moved on to other masturbation or a romantic partner and so should you. If you like FWB, find another great lover and rinse and repeat. If not, grow a relationship. Good luck
SarcasticBlonde Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Hey everyone: So here's the dealio: I was seeing this guy for a few months...nothing serious, mostly sexual. I'm a grad student...he barely got through High School so we were not compatible intellectually. We couldn't have a conversation about anything other than "how i wanna devour you" blah blah...which was fine for me. He was a master in the sack and i believe the feeling was mutual. He has always been extremely affectionate with me out in public, touching, kissing, grabbing...all of it. We had dinner, went to sports event, and had sex. There was never any desire on either of our parts to get serious. So here's what happened: He dropped me like a hot potato. Like one minute he was all over me, then i didn't hear from him in 2 weeks, and then it was over. i wasn't overly upset because he could never be more than hot sex, but what is upsetting is being dropped like that after 4 months of sleeping together. I asked for closure. No response. I asked him what happened. no response. I called him a jerk and deleted him from my phone and FB and that's it...I just want some explanation of WTF happened. i'm at a loss and I would hope we could at least be friends...but nothing. OVER. Gone. So...WTF happened? I swear I'm not leaving anything out. I need to understand what happened. He didn't "forget" about you. He just didn't have the balls to tell you your arrangement was over.
Author LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 How often did you see each other? How often were you in contact? Well, we saw each other probs 2-3x a week, but texted everyday.
simpsonic Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 He didn't "forget" about you. He just didn't have the balls to tell you your arrangement was over. I second this. Also, I think that the fact that you guys were not committed in any way, he didn't think it was a big deal to just leave like that.
Author LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Yeah...I thought maybe he found another...which is totally fine with me. i just wish he could've been open about it. I wasn't gonna rip his balls off or anything. I would've just said, "okay...that was fun, glad you met someone you like...see you around, hopefully." I"m only hurt by the immature dropping. he's 44 years old!! I'm 34!
Lovelybird Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Hey everyone: So here's the dealio: I was seeing this guy for a few months...nothing serious, mostly sexual. . Did you assume that the man will grow some affection after this nothing-serious-mostly-sexual thing?
Author LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 I don't know. But it does. i've been having dreams about him...like i can't find him when i look. Eventually it won't matter, but c'mon...where's the respect?? (This is in response to Smileface)
SarcasticBlonde Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I don't know. But it does. i've been having dreams about him...like i can't find him when i look. Eventually it won't matter, but c'mon...where's the respect?? (This is in response to Smileface) From your responses I sense that you feel more for him than you are saying. I will never do an FWB arrangement again. Learned my lesson. Someone in that situation usually ends up wanting more.
SmileFace Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I don't know. But it does. i've been having dreams about him...like i can't find him when i look. Eventually it won't matter, but c'mon...where's the respect?? (This is in response to Smileface) Wow, it is amazing how the mind works(refer to bolded text) Where is the respect .I understand but fussing about it isn't going to make it better. I know how it feels but the someone who didn't give me the respect of closure was someone I was actually a boyfriend.
Author LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 He didn't "forget" about you. He just didn't have the balls to tell you your arrangement was over. From your responses I sense that you feel more for him than you are saying. I will never do an FWB arrangement again. Learned my lesson. Someone in that situation usually ends up wanting more. I didn't want more, i swear. but we were having sex and there is naturally a comfort and connection in that so yeah, it hurts a little when I was just dropped. I would've appreciated a friendship if nothing else. He was fun! i genuinely liked him as a human being.
Lovelybird Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Respect has to start from you refusing this kind of arrangement in the beginning. Because I can see you are hurt by this, honestly. You have to respect yourself enough to say no to this arrangement--only having my body, but don't attend to my soul. You want respect, you have to show you respect yourself first
SarcasticBlonde Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I didn't want more, i swear. but we were having sex and there is naturally a comfort and connection in that so yeah, it hurts a little when I was just dropped. I would've appreciated a friendship if nothing else. He was fun! i genuinely liked him as a human being. Too bad he didn't feel the same. His loss. Don't feel sad about someone that couldn't even give you the courtesy of some form of "good bye".
Author LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Wow, it is amazing how the mind works(refer to bolded text) Where is the respect .I understand but fussing about it isn't going to make it better. I know how it feels but the someone who didn't give me the respect of closure was someone I was actually a boyfriend. I know, right?? My dreams are what prompted me to reach out in the first place. I know fussing about it won't make it better, and the only thing that really will would be if he contacted me to say "hey, I was a jerk...sorry." But I notice some teenage rebellion wanting to emerge...like throwing a baseball through his car window, or going to the restaurant he bartends at and throwing a drink in his face. I wouldn't do it, but i just want closure. It sucks to be dropped. i wish he would just have the decency to understand that.
SmileFace Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I know, right?? My dreams are what prompted me to reach out in the first place. I know fussing about it won't make it better, and the only thing that really will would be if he contacted me to say "hey, I was a jerk...sorry." But I notice some teenage rebellion wanting to emerge...like throwing a baseball through his carr window, or going to the restaurant he bartends at and throwing a drink in his face. I wouldn't do it, but i just want closure. It sucks to be dropped. i wish he would just have the decency to understand that. Even if he did reply. Do you really think it would actually make you feel better? Believe me it doesn't.... sigh You will still be hurt(which I believe you won't be for long) but you won't be able to call him bad names for not having the decency to reply if he did reply, lol. I hope you feel better ;-)
Jonno_S Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 He didn't "forget" about you. He just didn't have the balls to tell you your arrangement was over. True, but sometimes it's what to say. Maybe he didn't have any real reason other than that he was done. I was in a very similar circumstance a while ago and I tried to say it but I was not really sure what to say - I didn't have a tangible "reason" which I could state (which made little sense to me) other than just that I was done.
JM_in_CA Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I think that your ego is hurt because he has suddenly rejected you when it should be obvious to him that you're out of his league. I can't blame you for feeling that way either because I think it has some merit. You're ten years younger than him and are probably at a higher level as far as education, earning potential and intellect are concerned. Yeah, you knew from the beginning that he wasn't your dream man and this wouldn't last forever- and that is ok. But for him to dump you like that with no explanation... Him rejecting You? It's not so much that this has happened as it is how the way it was done makes you feel about yourself. Been there. It sucks. It'll get better though! J
Author LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 True, but sometimes it's what to say. Maybe he didn't have any real reason other than that he was done. I was in a very similar circumstance a while ago and I tried to say it but I was not really sure what to say - I didn't have a tangible "reason" which I could state (which made little sense to me) other than just that I was done. I would've been okay with even that! Just something. If he were to say, "hey, J...just not feeling it anymore, it was fun, but it's over" that would be fine too. Rargg. what's interesting is writing about it on LS has been quite therapeutic! Thanks!
Author LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 I think that your ego is hurt because he has suddenly rejected you when it should be obvious to him that you're out of his league. I can't blame you for feeling that way either because I think it has some merit. You're ten years younger than him and are probably at a higher level as far as education, earning potential and intellect are concerned. Yeah, you knew from the beginning that he wasn't your dream man and this wouldn't last forever- and that is ok. But for him to dump you like that with no explanation... Him rejecting You? It's not so much that this has happened as it is how the way it was done makes you feel about yourself. Been there. It sucks. It'll get better though! J My ego is hurt from being rejected and dropped, yes, but not because I think I am out of his league. At least I don't see it that way, but perhaps there is some truth to that. It's definitely not about the fact that it happened. It's the way it was done, you're right. It makes me feel abandoned and rejected. Thanks for your response!
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Read the Op and thought it was a some 24 yo at university with a 22 year old, then 10 posts later I read it's a 44 yo and 34 yo..... Maybe you should grow up and have an adult relationship???? Did you go for 1 diiner and 1 sporting event and have sex 2-3 X's a week? Wow from my side I'd probably high five the guy.... He's a real guy's guy.... A 44 yo not intellectually stimulating player sleeping with someone 10 years younger and doing it on the cheap.....
bac Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Hey everyone: So here's the dealio: I was seeing this guy for a few months...nothing serious, mostly sexual. I'm a grad student...he barely got through High School so we were not compatible intellectually. We couldn't have a conversation about anything other than "how i wanna devour you" blah blah...which was fine for me. He was a master in the sack and i believe the feeling was mutual. He has always been extremely affectionate with me out in public, touching, kissing, grabbing...all of it. We had dinner, went to sports event, and had sex. There was never any desire on either of our parts to get serious. So here's what happened: He dropped me like a hot potato. Like one minute he was all over me, then i didn't hear from him in 2 weeks, and then it was over. i wasn't overly upset because he could never be more than hot sex, but what is upsetting is being dropped like that after 4 months of sleeping together. I asked for closure. No response. I asked him what happened. no response. I called him a jerk and deleted him from my phone and FB and that's it...I just want some explanation of WTF happened. i'm at a loss and I would hope we could at least be friends...but nothing. OVER. Gone. So...WTF happened? I swear I'm not leaving anything out. I need to understand what happened. You were in a FWBs relationship. There are some rules to follow when you are doing the stuff. The most important rule is that you should do multidating. But, you probably were in an exclusive relationship with your guy. I assume he was doing multidating because it is normal for FWBs. Multidating helps people to avoid attachment. Another rule is that you naturally consider as a blessing the fact that your FWBs leaves you without a word. The point of FWBs is that your partner is not good enough for you to see him as a person. But, he is good for now as a sex object. There are plenty of guys who are not good enough for you and you can take care of their sexual needs anytime. That is why you should be happy that you get rid of him so easily. If you do not feel this way about him, it means you had feelings for him even you are in denial about that. As for "He has always been extremely affectionate with me out in public, touching, kissing, grabbing...all of it. We had dinner, went to sports..", he was so sweet intentionally. Men are afraid of rejection. So, they try hard to please women to prevent rejection and protect their feelings. If he was not so sweet, he could end up in your shoes of being rejected.
Author LittleJ Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Read the Op and thought it was a some 24 yo at university with a 22 year old, then 10 posts later I read it's a 44 yo and 34 yo..... Maybe you should grow up and have an adult relationship???? Did you go for 1 diiner and 1 sporting event and have sex 2-3 X's a week? Wow from my side I'd probably high five the guy.... He's a real guy's guy.... A 44 yo not intellectually stimulating player sleeping with someone 10 years younger and doing it on the cheap..... Damn...that's one judgmental statement. FYI, I had recently gotten out of a 6 year relationship before I started this one. I was just taking my time and enjoying being single. We went to dinner, brunch, sporting events, movies weekly, and had sex weekly. and one thing's for sure, i was far from cheap and he had no qualms spending good $$$ on me. so put that in your pipe and smoke it.
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