hurtgirl17 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) So, i've been with my boyfriend about 11 years. I have 2 kids with him. Over the years, my boyfriend cheated on me 3 times that I know of, and I suspect more, but he won't admit to the others. When I was 6 months pregnant with my son, he left me for 4 months and I think its cuz he was seeing another woman. He treats me bad and even though he has a good job, he refuses to go to work cuz he is lazy so he may even loose his job soon. In 11 years, i kissed another guy (but just months after we started dating), and that was it until just recently. A few months ago, I met this man at the school my daughter goes to. He is married with children as well. Im 27, hes 28. We started seeing each other at school every day and starting talking and flirting. Well, I believe I have fallen in love with this man. We live near each other and we have kissed several times. (Not at school, tho!) Before I met him, I truly was very depressed and unhappy and now, I feel beautiful, stronger and overall much happier. The problem is that he told me we need to stop seeing each other about a week ago. His reasons were that some of the parents at school noticed we were talking, and he is worried that his wife will find out about me and keep his children from him. This man has even convinced me that I should leave my boyfriend because of the way he treats me and I am truly thinking about it. I'm just not sure I can do this on my own. I know I should leave my boyfriend, but he has a violent temper, and I don't know how he would react if I broke up with him, let alone, him find out I have been talking to another man. I know its crazy, but I someway believed that maybe this man would eventually leave his wife to be with me and might be my miracle I have been waiting for to save me from my messed up life. Now, I am very depressed and upset again because he ended it and its so difficult to pretend im happy and nothing is wrong around my boyfriend and kids because if i start to cry, my boyfriend will know something is wrong. To make matters worse, I have to continue to see this man everyday at school and act like we are strangers. I feel like I need to talk to him and try to get him back, somehow but I don't want to risk him loosing his family. I just hate that I he is not happy with his wife and he is just gonna pretend to be because he thinks his kids will be taken away from him. I was not talking to this guy to get back at my boyfriend for all the things he has done to me...I really really like him and I would have liked him even if I wasn't with someone. He is also the first person to actually take the time to care about things going on in my life. He literally sat down with me and had a whole conversation about how I need to figure out what I am gonna do with my boyfriend and other things going on with me. I'm not trying to start problems in his family or with his wife, but he told me he is not happy with her or he wouldn't be talking to me in the first place. I'm sure she is a nice person and I hate that I would cause her any pain cuz believe me I know what it feels like to be cheated on. I'm not the type of person to cheat, or be a home wrecker, but I really feel like this guy is my other half and its killing me to try to be away from him. I almost wish he was a jerk and would just be really mean to me so I could get mad and get over him instead of crying and being depressed always wishing he was mine. But, thats part of the reason I like him so much. He is a good man and he loves his kids and doesn't want to hurt his wife and leave her in a bad position so he ended things. I want him to be happy, but at the same time, I know he is not completely happy with his wife and he is happy with me. I don't know what to do. Any advice? Edited January 29, 2011 by hurtgirl17
Woman In Blue Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I'm not going to come down hard on you because you're very young and in a dysfunction relationship that's clearly run it's course. You were all of 16 when you got together with your abusive boyfriend, and you've grown up and in different directions. That's pretty much the way it always goes when you start young like that. It's obvious your self-esteem is in the toilet because of your boyfriend's constant cheating and making you feel "not good enough" to keep his attention. You've turned this married man into some kind of demi-god because he finally makes you feel good about yourself. You don't really know anything about this married man's marriage, or who he'd be happier with, or what his life is really like at home - you only know what he told you. It would appear he saw you as vulnerable in the beginning and was going to take advantage of that, but has since changed his mind, and it's probably because he's afraid of your intensity towards him. You're clearly more invested in him than he is in you, and THAT scares the pants off him - so he ended it. I think if you were merely lonely and looking for a little fun on the side, he would have been happy to oblige, but he probably sees you as a risk he's clearly not willing to take. I think he sees you as someone who'll become desperate to have him any way you can get him, and the man is NOT looking to change his life in any way. You spell 'trouble' to him, and that's why he ended it. He was right, though. You really should get your ducks in a row - get a fulltime job and become financially independent. Get some friends who can support you if the going gets rough with your abusive coward of a boyfriend, but don't remain a prisoner for the rest of your life out of FEAR. Good luck to you.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 A few months ago, I met this man at the school my daughter goes to. He is married with children as well. Im 27, hes 28. We started seeing each other at school every day and starting talking and flirting. Well, I believe I have fallen in love with this man. We live near each other and we have kissed several times. (Not at school, tho!) Before I met him, I truly was very depressed and unhappy and now, I feel beautiful, stronger and overall much happier. The problem is that he told me we need to stop seeing each other about a week ago. His reasons were that some of the parents at school noticed we were talking, and he is worried that his wife will find out about me and keep his children from him. This man has even convinced me that I should leave my boyfriend because of the way he treats me and I am truly thinking about it. I'm just not sure I can do this on my own. I know I should leave my boyfriend, but he has a violent temper, and I don't know how he would react if I broke up with him, let alone, him find out I have been talking to another man. I know its crazy, but I someway believed that maybe this man would eventually leave his wife to be with me and might be my miracle I have been waiting for to save me from my messed up life. Now, I am very depressed and upset again because he ended it and its so difficult to pretend im happy and nothing is wrong around my boyfriend and kids because if i start to cry, my boyfriend will know something is wrong. To make matters worse, I have to continue to see this man everyday at school and act like we are strangers. I don't know what to do. Any advice? This is soooooooooooooooooo normal for western culture. And nobody understands that when you're single and alone you are a lot nearer to the miracle you have been waiting for to save your messed-up life than you are when you are burdened by being half of a messed-up relationship. It is a simple truth that the good people on this earth do not go looking for romantic companionship within the bounds of somebody else's relationship - they don't have to!!! And still another drawback to internet affairs is that when you are emotionally devastated by them, you have to somehow put on your happy face at home and sometimes you get no outlet for your emotional hurt. hurtgirl, you should do everything in your power to leave your current relationship. move back in with your parents if you have to. (and the break needs to be sudden and firm - or the abusive boyfriend will make your life even more miserable)
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