evoxracer Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Last night I looked at H's cell phone. I took it upstairs with me to put it on the charger, and his texts were up. There were texts from a woman asking her if she was going to be around this weekend and she said she hoped she would. Last month for Christmas I had started working at one of our shops again to bring in extra money, and one day H had asked me to go through the mail and get rid of the junk. Well I found an invitation to this same womans birthday party. (I want to say girl because shes 22 and I'm 32). I wasnt going to make much of it, but when I looked at his phone I saw calls from the same # that day, about 10 of them. So I went through the texts for this girls phone # too and found out that he had planned to meet her out at the bars with his friend one night. By this time I'm really irritated. So I ask him and he says of course that shes just a customer. I texted her and asked what was going on (nicely) and of course I got no reply. Now hes mad at me telling me I'm paranoid and he just lost a customer. Wrong. Fastfoward to today I decided to check my bill. There are still many texts , mostly at around 6-7 when hes closing shop or on Saturdays when he is going out around 10:30-11:30. I'm pretty damn sure he's still meeting up with her. Theres another woman who he was "friends" with last year. When I asked her what was going on she went crazy on he and drunk texted me all night long telling me that H was trying to get some from her but she wouldnt because she wasnt in a committed relationship with him. I asked how she would feel to be me waiting at home and the next morning she apologized and said nothing was going on. H said she was nuts and Psycho(of course) and they werent talking. I went over his phone and found nothing till I printed the detailed bill. They text for hours, there are hundred. I dont talk to him that much! Last and not least he stormed out on the kids and I angry on his birthday because the restaurant he wanted to go to had no availibility, we had to go somewhere else. After we got home he left. The texts that late night were also to some other random woman. starting at 10 at night with a break until 3am. It's all there I think. I'm not paranoid, I'm right. I'm married to a compulsive liar and probably cheat. I've had enough of his crap, on top of all this he is severely emotionally abusive, calling me stupid , telling me that there is something wrong with my head , that I must have been born with half a brain. I have taken 10 years of his crap. He has torn me down into nothing and I have got to be done.
Spark1111 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I am sorry you are going through this. They say when you grow sick and tired of being sick and tired.....well then it is time to make a change. What do you plan to do? Thirty-two is very young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Do you have kids?
BOKI5 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Your suspicions and intuitions are right! I know it won't be easy but I think you need to move on. Besides, no point of your kids being witness to what a unhealthy relationship is. I'm younger than you but you are still young. He wasn't the one for you.
Author evoxracer Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 We have 3 kids. They are young, 3 ,5 and 9. I am going to contact an attorney Monday. I just don't know how the heck I can do it with all of my kids being So young, but I can't live with suck a deceptive person anymore. I feel like he has a whole second life.
Spark1111 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Trust your gut. BELIEVE you deserve better. Make a plan. You have your whole love ahead of you. Please get some counseling. You will need strength to execute your plan. I wish you peace and fortitude. Good luck.
secretlady76 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Last night I looked at H's cell phone. I took it upstairs with me to put it on the charger, and his texts were up. There were texts from a woman asking her if she was going to be around this weekend and she said she hoped she would. Last month for Christmas I had started working at one of our shops again to bring in extra money, and one day H had asked me to go through the mail and get rid of the junk. Well I found an invitation to this same womans birthday party. (I want to say girl because shes 22 and I'm 32). I wasnt going to make much of it, but when I looked at his phone I saw calls from the same # that day, about 10 of them. So I went through the texts for this girls phone # too and found out that he had planned to meet her out at the bars with his friend one night. By this time I'm really irritated. So I ask him and he says of course that shes just a customer. I texted her and asked what was going on (nicely) and of course I got no reply. Now hes mad at me telling me I'm paranoid and he just lost a customer. Wrong. Fastfoward to today I decided to check my bill. There are still many texts , mostly at around 6-7 when hes closing shop or on Saturdays when he is going out around 10:30-11:30. I'm pretty damn sure he's still meeting up with her. Theres another woman who he was "friends" with last year. When I asked her what was going on she went crazy on he and drunk texted me all night long telling me that H was trying to get some from her but she wouldnt because she wasnt in a committed relationship with him. I asked how she would feel to be me waiting at home and the next morning she apologized and said nothing was going on. H said she was nuts and Psycho(of course) and they werent talking. I went over his phone and found nothing till I printed the detailed bill. They text for hours, there are hundred. I dont talk to him that much! Last and not least he stormed out on the kids and I angry on his birthday because the restaurant he wanted to go to had no availibility, we had to go somewhere else. After we got home he left. The texts that late night were also to some other random woman. starting at 10 at night with a break until 3am. It's all there I think. I'm not paranoid, I'm right. I'm married to a compulsive liar and probably cheat. I've had enough of his crap, on top of all this he is severely emotionally abusive, calling me stupid , telling me that there is something wrong with my head , that I must have been born with half a brain. I have taken 10 years of his crap. He has torn me down into nothing and I have got to be done. I think we might be married to the same person! I found out a few weeks ago my husband was doing pretty much the same thing as yours; contacting a young girl in secret and his response was the same as your husband. I flew off the handle, threatened divorce, blah blah. However, we have 3 kids younger than yours and really I had to think about them first but more importantly, I had to ask a very important question; why was he doing this? ...and to be honest, I have been a total cow the last 2 years to him; i refuse him sex, I ignore him, I had an EA behind his back etc etc, blimey, if I was married to me, I would have done the same. The worse I was to him, the worse his behaviour was to me, which prolonged my behaviour towards him. Anyway, after much discussion, we have put down some ground rules and we are both making a massive effort to be kinder to eachother, more romantic etc and it is working, but you both have to put in the effort.
Author evoxracer Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 I asked him why he doesn't see a problem with any of this and he just says. Oh its no big deal and I'm blowing things out of porportion. Well he left his phone at home this.morning when he left for work. And he was texting one of them telling her everysingle one of our problems. And that he is done and he has so much hate for me. When he is home he is telling me the exact opposite. Its so messed up. And now today he just told me I'm only a burdon. I'm so tired of this I can't eat or rest or anything. I have taken care of these kids and sacrificed everything and its never been enough.
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I asked him why he doesn't see a problem with any of this and he just says. Oh its no big deal and I'm blowing things out of porportion. Well he left his phone at home this.morning when he left for work. And he was texting one of them telling her everysingle one of our problems. And that he is done and he has so much hate for me. When he is home he is telling me the exact opposite. Its so messed up. And now today he just told me I'm only a burdon. I'm so tired of this I can't eat or rest or anything. I have taken care of these kids and sacrificed everything and its never been enough. So, what is the truth? Somewhere in between? EIther way now you know he's lying to his OW and he's lying to you. Playing both of you to his advantage. Having his cake and eating it too. Question is, what you going to do about it? And yes it IS messed up!! Talk to your family and friends, get support and go talk to a lawyer. SHow your H you've had enough and kick him out. Since he "hates" you and thnks you're a burden.. Why is he staying married to you if he feels this way. Think about it, he's so full of crap, whereever the wind blows is where he'll go.
Author evoxracer Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 So, what is the truth? Somewhere in between? EIther way now you know he's lying to his OW and he's lying to you. Playing both of you to his advantage. Having his cake and eating it too. Question is, what you going to do about it? And yes it IS messed up!! Talk to your family and friends, get support and go talk to a lawyer. SHow your H you've had enough and kick him out. Since he "hates" you and thnks you're a burden.. Why is he staying married to you if he feels this way. Think about it, he's so full of crap, whereever the wind blows is where he'll go. Yeah I know exactly! He is cake eating! And now he's trying to turn every single one of his other problems and blame it on me. He is like talking to a brick wall and he's being extremely nasty and mean. I have taken the kids and I'm staying at his parents right now. His father went home with me earlier so I could get some things. So I will stay here for a while and I will be contacting an attorney Monday. I have someone I was referred to by a friend.
freestyle Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Not only is he cake-eating--he's trying to gaslight you as well. Which means he's trying to put it all on you, trying to convince you that you're overreacting, seeing things that aren't there, blowing things out of proportion, etc. Gaslighting is nothing more than a deflection tactic, a smoke and mirrors game. He's rather get you occupied questioning yourself, or defending yourself, to keep himself out of the hotseat. Manipulation 101. I'd recommend that you consider doing the 180 on him.That is, if you decide you want to salvage the marriage..........That's your first step.
Author evoxracer Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 He is supposed to move out today, I am still not staying at home and have told him that I will not go back as long as he is in the house and acting like an insane man. He says he is going to stay with one of his friends because he needs to sort him self out. More like sort out his girlfriends I think. I am ready to end this and once he moves out of the house I have my mind made up I will never let him back in. Hes not going to be able to go out and live like a single man and then try to come back while I have take care of the kids.
StoneCold Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I think we might be married to the same person! I found out a few weeks ago my husband was doing pretty much the same thing as yours; contacting a young girl in secret and his response was the same as your husband. I flew off the handle, threatened divorce, blah blah. However, we have 3 kids younger than yours and really I had to think about them first but more importantly, I had to ask a very important question; why was he doing this? ...and to be honest, I have been a total cow the last 2 years to him; i refuse him sex, I ignore him, I had an EA behind his back etc etc, blimey, if I was married to me, I would have done the same. Then why did you fly off the handle when you found out?
love4me2c Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I've been through this too. It is the blame game.. you are crazy and so forth. You are NOT crazy. Something is going on. I was fooled for far too long with this same BS. Not counseling you on what to do other than to tell you that you are NOT crazy.
Suerenity Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Wow. I am just glad you were able to find the strength to leave this compulsive liar and make the best of things for you and your kids. I am in a similar situation except I have nowhere to run. I wish you the very best.
Author evoxracer Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Thanks, I am actually heading back to the house today, he was said he was out tuesday and thats the last i spoke to him. We have been snowed in here for the last couple days. hopefully he will keep his space for a while because i dont think i have it in me to deal with his drama right now.
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