maddii Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I just can't stop thinking about my best friend, We were only in a relationship for a few days, but we've been best friends for over a year, and he's acted like he likes me for months, (baring in mind neither of us have had a relationship before and are kinda shy). He decided he wasn't ready when I asked him why he wouldnt tell anybody we were going out, and then afterwards he said 'he tried to like me but it wasn't working', and gave me other excuses, and then decided that it'd be better not to see each other again, even though he'd made me think he liked me for months... So right now I don't know what to do, I've gone NC for 18 days, but I can't stop thinking about him, and about the fact that I've lost someone who's so right for me, and who acted like I was so right for him. He was immature in the way he dealt with the situation, and I think him not wanting to see each other anymore is because of that immaturity and not knowing how to handle things, but I don't know how to move on and accept it when not long before we were best friends... How do I accept that my best friend doesn't want to see me anymore, especially when I know he knows how good our friendship was, and I still don't fully believe that he doesn't like me, because that's not how he acted, and I'm still going with his first reason of 'I'm not ready', over 'I tried to like you', because I don't understand what would have made him try to like me in the first place. I know I have to go NC, but at what point does it actually get any easier? It's like I try to forget him, but I can't, and I still keep hoping it'll work out, and that we'll at least be friends again. I'm keeping busy with uni work, but he was my real connection, the person I always wanted to speak to and see, and I don't have that with anybody else, I feel so alone. Even if NC does work, and the feelings fade, I just don't feel like I'll ever meet anybody like him, and I just wish that things had turned out differently, or that he'd at least told me the truth instead of excuses trying to act like he didn't like me..
Trovador Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I gather he is young and inexperienced, given the way he's handled all this, totally unfair and immature... but there is something that you might consider, maybe you thought he liked you and maybe you believed he showed it... perhaps he wanted your friendship only, got scared and got away... anyway, don't think he's that special (and I believe you have now powerful reasons not to think that) and that you won't find someone like him... you will love again and this past experience will serve you fine in your next relationship...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 It "gets easier" when you start to feel the attention and sparks from another source. I accept that he was "immature" in dealing with the friendship/relationship/situation, but had you been as mature as we all hope to be one day, you wouldn't hesitate to express your thoughts fully to him, instead of here. As for him not wanting you to tell anyone that you and he were dating, for shy people, I really can understand how unique it is to have to exhibit that obvious 'change' in your life. It reminds me of the simple act of getting a haircut back in grade school and having everyone call you "skitch" or "buzz" or the like. (it reflected a "change" and nothing more) If indeed you are "kinda shy" (as he is)... I think you have nothing to lose by daring yourself to express your feelings directly to him, eye-to-eye. It really is OK to make yourself that vulnerable. In so doing you're at least affording him every bit of the truth, to do with as he choses. Better you go down swinging, with complete disclosure, than to meet him in 20 years and fess up (drunkenly) then. For what it's worth, males generally DO NOT have much use for mere "friendship" with women they don't want to be romantic and/or sexual with. So if he was making efforts to be around you during a year of "friendship", then there was definitely something there...
Author maddii Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Trovador: Yes, he is immature, and inexperienced, I'm not imagining him showing it though, because when he first started he would say things like "i don't do this with anybody else' 'I wouldnt do this with someone I didn't like' etc.. I really hope I do love someone again, and that that person is even more special to me than he is.. Sincereguyonline: I did express my thoughts to him, I wasn't as open as I'd liked to have been, as I know he hates talking about things, and anytime I tried to talk to him he wouldn't know how to react, I have told him how I feel though, but he still chooses not to be friends as it would be awkward.. It just seems so unfair that he acted like he liked me for months, and it honestly felt genuine, and I know I haven't imagined it or anything, yet I'm the one who had to ask him how he felt, and obviously told him how I felt, then he acts as if he thought he liked me but now doesn't.. I just don't understand how it's possible to keep that up for several months, then suddenly decide 'I don't like you', when we start going out, even though we didn't do anything different in those 4 days, it was literally as soon as I asked why he didn't want to tell his brother that he over-reacted, which is what makes me still think he's too shy/not ready for a relationship.. Maybe that's not true, but I know that this isn't my fault. I would never have expressed my feelings had I not known I had damn good reason to believe he felt the same because I'm also shy.
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