GreenPolicy Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I will turn 33 next week. I just got out of a relationship with a woman that I thought I was going to marry. I do not believe that there is any chance of this relationship ever being rekindled in the future. Story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253770/ So, with that said, I am understandably scared and fearful of what the future has in store for me. I know it's normal to think I'll never love again and or have this in my life again, but those are transient fears. I know that I need to maintain a positive attitude and put myself into positions where I am likely to meet like-minded individuals. So here is what I have so far: - online dating - singles ministry through a church - volunteer opportunities I want what I thought I had - a connection and chemistry with somebody who had similar values and goals in life that was leading towards a long-term commitment. It's been three months and change since she broke things off, and I feel like although I've made a lot of progress, I still have a ways to go to heal my heart. I'm sure I'll feel a lot better in another 3-4 months. I don't think women in their twenties are generally mature enough or looking to settle down. I think looking for romance in the workplace is a big no-no: I can't imagine having to see my ex everyday after the way things ended. I've been told that women in their thirties are usually more grounded and mature because they have life experience and are no longer motivated by superficial criteria like who has the best head of hair, the best muscle car, etc, but who would make a good long-term companion. I know I was a great boyfriend to my ex and she would be the first person to agree. I know I have a lot to offer somebody else. So how should I go about finding somebody? Most of my closest friends are married with children. My one good single friend that I could go out and do stuff with on the weekends is still very big into the bar scene and playing video games when he's not going out, which I find boring. I've thought about going back to school for a master's? Perhaps I could find a like-minded individual there?
Feelin Frisky Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 School is absolutely the best bet for meeting someone if you're not already in some business world where you can have a lot of visibility and exposure to women. I went back to college at night at 31 and met someone who I had hoped to marry too. That wasn't to be but I kept continuing my education and even went to other schools besides the one I needed for a degree path. Nothing since has proven to put me in such proximity to interact with lots of women. Another area where one can encounter lots of professional women is either when you are in business and participate in trade shows or are in human resources and human development where you can attend and participate in conferences on education and motivation. Been there and it is really great to present at a conference, wear a name tag, sell your ideas and let "marketing" work. Ladies will "buy into" you when they see you being a professional and how you carry yourself around that.
Isolde Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Don't dismiss the age 25-30 age bracket. Quite a few women, especially those who have good careers by that time, will be wanting to settle down.
Author GreenPolicy Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Okay, so add grad school to the list. Any other ideas besides that and trade seminars?
Mrlonelyone Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I wouldn't recommend going to grad school just to meet women. It can be really expensive and time consuming. Plus consider that the women who would be most attractive, attracted, and available to you would be in that very immature age bracket (early 20's undergradtuate women). I am a graduate student and let me tell you. Those ladies are nice and all. But I know how I was back then, I know how the girls I dealt with were back then. Someone that young in the current era is not ready for a serious relationship. All I can say is just do you, do things that you are truly interested in just because and you may just find someone really interesting to have a relationship with.
elastica Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Okay, so add grad school to the list. Any other ideas besides that and trade seminars? Going to local fitness centre? I have made quite a few friends there. Coffee shops, exhibitions, parks, libraries? Are you outgoing? Don't you have one single friend? I always like to go for long walks and travel, even if it's going somewhere for one day, if I can afford. I know it sound easier said than done. Just take it easy, and don't focus on meeting someone. I met my BF when I was 25 and he was yor age.
january2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) Try joining a local Meetup group (Google for the Meetup website). Especially, 'new in town' groups. Or start one of your own. Also agree that grad school/professional courses can be hit or miss. In my experience, most were in their low to mid-20s, very few in their 30s. Networking events aren't too bad. For example, local chambers of commerce and small business/entrepreneurial groups - though the people who frequent those places are usually very time-poor. Trade shows and exhibitions - I found that most were either married or too young (20s) and were a bit 'jack the lad'. From what I remember, the women at the shows seemed to be the eternally single type or already partnered up and not looking. Online dating - a bust for me. Very few guys in my target age group and I'd have to go much younger or much older. Volunteering - not too bad. Though it depends on what kind of volunteering. Conservation work can attract a lot of guys but other types of volunteering work were mostly girls in their 20s. Friends of friends/social circle - okay. Though most of my social circle only know people who are partnered up already. International friends are the best group though, in my experience, because they usually have lots of friends visiting or coming abroad to work - though there's a tendency towards short-term relationships and flings rather than anything serious. And there might be residency/visa issues if you're looking for something serious. I think the best strategy is just to meet as many new people as possible and accept all or most invites so that you build up your network to meet friends of friends/associates of associates/etc. I've not tried things like the gym/coffee shop/book shop/grocery store because I'd prefer a more structured environment for meeting people but I think those places could be added to your list if you don't mind striking up a conversation with a random stranger. Edited January 28, 2011 by january2011
Stung Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I wouldn't recommend going to grad school just to meet women. It can be really expensive and time consuming. Plus consider that the women who would be most attractive, attracted, and available to you would be in that very immature age bracket (early 20's undergradtuate women). I am a graduate student and let me tell you. Those ladies are nice and all. But I know how I was back then, I know how the girls I dealt with were back then. Someone that young in the current era is not ready for a serious relationship. All I can say is just do you, do things that you are truly interested in just because and you may just find someone really interesting to have a relationship with. OP didn't say he was going to grad school solely to meet women, it sounded to me like he was considering going to grad school on it's own merit, and then wondering if he could meet women there. If he's in his 30s and wants to go to grad school, it seems like a good time to do it now. Everybody could use an edge in the job market, and school will only be harder later if he tries to go back AFTER he already has a family to worry about. Anyway, I'm not sure why you consider grad student women less attractive and available, perhaps it's a location thing. When I was a grad student there were plenty of other attractive and single female grad students around, ranging in age anywhere from mid-20s to mid-40s (mostly late 20s to mid 30s) and most of them were quite intelligent and interesting to boot. Meetup groups are a good idea, as is volunteering. So is anything social, really--if the OP is looking for a religious woman, surely his church sponsors events? Also, if you live in an area with a University or two, there will likely be theological debates/lectures and events with the Theology Departments. Bookstores and libraries are also demure meat markets.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 @Stung I did not say grad student women were less attractive for available. I was talking about undergraduates who are attractive available and.... immature in general. He's looking for a LTR that could lead to perhaps marriage. While someone that age may marry you people at that age don't really know what they want in a world with so many options.
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