Xewkija Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I have told my story but her and I broke up because i guess she wants space and to be apart for a while. she says she wants to be with me again but she just needs to clear her mind. anyway I LOVE her, I dont think I will ever be able to get her out of my memory because she was my first and we were together for 5 years and I'm 21 years and she's 20. She said she wants to have that spark that we had when we first met; and that would be great if we did. She also says she wants it to be how I came back from europe. Two summers ago I went to europe because of family and we have a house their, and I went for a month and we didn't talk on the phone too much because I was 6 hours ahead so we did some facebook chatting and what not but that was pretty much it. When I came back It was exactly how we first met it was amazing and it stayed like that for a while and then we were just our selves. We had fun, we played video games went to the beach everything that we always have done. If she came back to me I would take her back in a heartbeat. However I don't believe thats gonna happen in any upcoming days. It may take weeks, months or maybe years. Anyway she believes by taking this break we will have that spark again. Today would be the second day of NC and before that I was crying to her, calling her, texting her, and so on but I have been reading on here how that will push them away so I stopped that right away, and last thing I said to her I'm going to try to give you the space you want, however if your plan is to be just friends that wont work out. She has not said anything since that. She seemed confident that we will be back together sometime and i trust her.. I just don't want to be even more hurt when that day doesn't come. Anyway, it seems like a lot of people on here do the NC and end up going out for coffee and either just be friends, try a second time or both decide not to talk to each other. It's just so hard for me cause everywhere I go theirs a memory of her. Every morning when I go to class I see her little brother who we hang out with all the time at the bus stop and he always waves me down to say hi and every time I look into his eyes I see her and just cry. Her dads house is right down the road from me so I pretty much see that everyday. Every time I pass by the school where I first saw her I get so heartbroken, I saw her 2 years before at the school before we started talking and I fell in love with her with out even knowing her. So I guess what I'm trying to get out of this is what will usually happen? I'm sure theirs a variety of answers and it depends on the person but you think with the space I give her and she sees other people she will miss me and possibly come back to me and try starting again? And depending on how things went with my family we were gonna go to Europe this summer as well. What should I do if she wants to hang out on my birthday? she told me she wants to and said " I want to be with you on your birthday and take you out for dinner, cause I know you would do the same for me. If not more" Any advice is GREATLY appreciated. Hopefully this therapist I see may be able to help me out
D78 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 ...So I guess what I'm trying to get out of this is what will usually happen? I'm sure theirs a variety of answers and it depends on the person but you think with the space I give her and she sees other people she will miss me and possibly come back to me and try starting again? And depending on how things went with my family we were gonna go to Europe this summer as well... You're right that there's no clear answer as to what will happen. None of us can say. Don't give her space just so she will miss you. Give her space for you to get over her. It sounds dumb, but it works. If you go to Europe hoping that it will cause her to come back, you'll be disappointed when you return if it doesn't happen. If you give yourself time to get over her, go to Europe with no expectations, you won't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. And, the less you need her, the more likely she is to want to be with you. That's just human nature. ...What should I do if she wants to hang out on my birthday? she told me she wants to and said " I want to be with you on your birthday and take you out for dinner, cause I know you would do the same for me. If not more"... I think you should nicely decline. She might want to take you out on your birthday so she doesn't feel guilty for you spending your birthday alone. Also, you need space to start healing. Maybe you could go out with friends on your birthday instead. ...Hopefully this therapist I see may be able to help me out... I hope the therapist gives you good advice and helps you see the best way to move forward. Good luck. 1
Author Xewkija Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks for the reply's I went to my therapist and we talked about as much as we could. But she told me I should maybe text or call her and see what she really wants cause she knows I'm waiting for her to come back so she wanted me to see if I could ask her if she wants to do other relationships. She pretty much wants me to get her to tell me the truth and with the truth it will hurt but it will be better to know what she really wants or she said I continue to stay out of contact with her as for my birthday she said you need to make that own decision. I want her to hang out with me and maybe something good will come out of it but I also don't want to see her and she ends up telling me something I don't want to hear and upsets me even more. What should I do?
dng Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 And, the less you need her, the more likely she is to want to be with you. That's just human nature. Is it, really? I'm not so sure about that. Sounds like mind games between damaged people, or someone doesn't love someone else anymore but feels responsible for them, etc...
D78 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Is it, really? I'm not so sure about that. Sounds like mind games between damaged people, or someone doesn't love someone else anymore but feels responsible for them, etc... I'm not trying to encourage mind games. I'm just saying that it's unhealthy to truly NEED someone to be happy. Being able to make it on your own is an attractive quality in a person. Most people can't handle being with someone who can't be happy in their absence. It's suffocating. So, I believe the less someone needs another person to be satisfied, the more attractive that someone is (therefore, it's more likely people will want to be with that someone). It's the difference between being needed and being wanted...
Author Xewkija Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Not sure if you saw what I typed before but I'm just so anxious to know what I should do and need the help anyway this is what I asked Thanks for the reply's I went to my therapist and we talked about as much as we could. But she told me I should maybe text or call her and see what she really wants cause she knows I'm waiting for her to come back so she wanted me to see if I could ask her if she wants to do other relationships. She pretty much wants me to get her to tell me the truth and with the truth it will hurt but it will be better to know what she really wants or she said I continue to stay out of contact with her as for my birthday she said you need to make that own decision. I want her to hang out with me and maybe something good will come out of it but I also don't want to see her and she ends up telling me something I don't want to hear and upsets me even more. What should I do? Thank You
D78 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Not sure if you saw what I typed before... Sorry Xewkija. It sounds like she told you what she wants - she wants a break so that when you reunite, there will be a "spark." You've been together five years. Most people will tell you that with time, the "spark" turns into something else, love with bits of spark mixed in. It won't be like it was when you first met. If you contacted her and asked her what she wants, don't you think she would just repeat what she has already told you that she wants? From what I can tell, your options are to (1) move on, or (2) wait for her, regardless of how long it takes for her to find the spark again. So, I still think you should take this time to get over her. If someone really wants to be with you, they will be with you.
Recommended Posts