watermelonjuice Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 A guy tells you he just had a girlfriend. He has said he likes you as a friend and has asked you out casually. Does it 1. mean he really and simply just likes you as a friend? 2. absolve him from any blame, should his intentions not be that innocent, because the information puts the onus on you to decide whether you want to go along with it? Any guys have done this with their female friends? Are your intentions innocent?
Billy_Boy Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 This one is dependent on the person... It can go either way I guess. If I wanted to cheat on my gf I wouldn't bring her up at all. Unless the person I was going to have an affair with had one as well. Then again I have never cheated, so who knows! lol
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 He could be telling you straight up that he is involved and is simply looking for something on the side. Hard to say though - what did he ask you to do?
Author watermelonjuice Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 He could be telling you straight up that he is involved and is simply looking for something on the side. Hard to say though - what did he ask you to do? He asked me to go for dinner and drinks. Nothing that's out of the ordinary. But........ Would he be interested or just likes me as a friend?
Nexus One Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 He asked me to go for dinner and drinks. Nothing that's out of the ordinary. But........ Would he be interested or just likes me as a friend? If he's a sincere and loyal guy, then he'll only approach you as a friend, at least for as long as he has a girlfriend. If he cheats on his girlfriend with you, then if I were you I'd starting thinking about whether this is the type of man you want a relationship with. What are you hoping for? Do you want to be more than friends?
Author watermelonjuice Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 If he's a sincere and loyal guy, then he'll only approach you as a friend, at least for as long as he has a girlfriend. If he cheats on his girlfriend with you, then if I were you I'd starting thinking about whether this is the type of man you want a relationship with. What are you hoping for? Do you want to be more than friends? I wanted to be more than friends before I knew about this and to be fair, it even looked like we were heading that way. So it makes me wonder his intentions.
Nexus One Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I wanted to be more than friends before I knew about this and to be fair, it even looked like we were heading that way. So it makes me wonder his intentions. If he intends to cheat on his girlfriend, then don't be the girl he'll be cheating with.
carhill Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 If he intends to have a true friendship, his girlfriend will be included. Hope you all get along great
Author watermelonjuice Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 If he intends to have a true friendship, his girlfriend will be included. Hope you all get along great Since she isn't physically included, you're suggesting it's not a true friendship?
Author watermelonjuice Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 If he intends to cheat on his girlfriend, then don't be the girl he'll be cheating with. Call me silly but I just think I could have been the one and that he's still unsure. Yes, I know. The keyword is "could have been."
Nexus One Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Call me silly but I just think I could have been the one and that he's still unsure. Yes, I know. The keyword is "could have been." I don't see how that is relevant to 'not cheating with him on his girlfriend'.
carhill Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Since she isn't physically included, you're suggesting it's not a true friendship? Yes, if you haven't met her, it's not a true and meaningful friendship, simply because you are not a friend of the relationship. Further, since it's apparent you have romantic designs upon the man, there's a good chance you're an enemy of the relationship. Up to you how you want to play that. An easy way to discern his true intentions would be to ask him about his girlfriend and express interest in meeting her. Within the contexts of my postings, 'friends' are people who share similar interests, experience synergy of contact and choose to share their lives in a non-romantic, non-sexual way. What's your definition?
Author watermelonjuice Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 I don't see how that is relevant to 'not cheating with him on his girlfriend'. No, it's not relevant. I know if that happens, he's cheating on her and not a good person to be with for almost anyone else. But I guess what I was expressing was my disappointment that things didn't go further with us. I wasn't really considering whether he'll be cheating and whether I'll want to be with him.
Author watermelonjuice Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Yes, if you haven't met her, it's not a true and meaningful friendship, simply because you are not a friend of the relationship. Further, since it's apparent you have romantic designs upon the man, there's a good chance you're an enemy of the relationship. Up to you how you want to play that. An easy way to discern his true intentions would be to ask him about his girlfriend and express interest in meeting her. Within the contexts of my postings, 'friends' are people who share similar interests, experience synergy of contact and choose to share their lives in a non-romantic, non-sexual way. What's your definition? Friends are people in a non-romantic, non-sexual relationship. Perhaps some people (maybe including this friend) interact with friends of the opposite sex in a way they don't even know would stir up certain romantic feelings in the opposite sex. I don't deny I may be an enemy to their relationship but I can't be the only one blamed (Carhill, I know you're not pointing fingers; it's an expression) for having thoughts that he and I could have been together. It takes more than one hand to overstep some boundaries, no? Not sure if I conveyed what I wanted to say well though.
carhill Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Here's a lesson my affair taught me. The only boundaries I can control and patrol are my own. It's pretty simple stuff. If the person appears attached, and my feelings are not platonic, I disengage *or* process them out of sight as a friend of the relationship, depending upon circumstances. I've done both and both can be a healthy path. The survival of the friendship takes *two* people meeting in the middle. As I've often been a 'tool' for such relationships, perhaps 'friend' is being used in those instances improperly. IMO, your feelings are valid. Your actions are your responsibility. The actions of your friend are his and are outside of your control. Experiment a bit and see what happens. FWIW, I've known plenty of people who 'steal' or attempt to steal partners of others. I was one of them many years ago. I'm not proud of that time nor those actions. My mindset was a lot like I'm perceiving from you. Ultimately, it did not match up with my intrinsic psychology. Everyone is different. Good luck
Author watermelonjuice Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 After a few days of thinking, I've come to the conclusion that this wouldn't be something that I would want. Say his intentions aren't innocent, even if I "steal" the guy successfully, I would have to live with the fear that the guy could be stolen by someone else another day. So this has no-go all written over it from the get go.
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