brokenheart311 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I posted a couple weeks ago about my break-up. To make a long story short, we grew up together, dated for a year, engaged for 5 years. He has two kids from a previous relationship, we have one child together, and I'm currently in the third trimester of my pregnancy with twins. He has a total of 5 kids. We have gone back and forth for the past 6 years. He has cheated on me a couple of times and I took him back (stupidly). Finally seemed like we were getting our life together and one day he comes to me and says that he is always thinking about cheating on me so he needs out. I was 26 weeks pregnant.... Obviously I was scared to be a single mom. I convinced him to continue to live with me until after the babies were born and I could get on my feet. He agreed. Well, last night I couldn't take it any longer. I told him to get out. He went without much of a fight. I had his cell phone disconnected immediately since it is in my name. A few minutes later the mother of his other two kids calls me to get in touch with him about the kids' school. I told her that I don't ever want to deal with him again so calling me to contact him is pointless. She goes on to tell me (she and I are pretty much friends so I trust her) that my ex is involved with someone else and from how she hears it, he has been for the past 2 months, even though we only split 3 weeks ago. According to her, he asked the girl to marry him already with my engagement ring and they are getting a townhouse together. They are trying to find something big enough because the other girl has 2 kids of their own. Basically at any given time they could have 7 kids at once. I'm not crazy upset over any of this but I still feel pretty replaced. I can't figure out why I wasn't good enough, why he put all this energy into a new relationship instead of working on ours. Overall I'm a better catch... I mean, I am better educated, I own my own house and vehicle, and I'm more attractive (trust me that's hard for me to say because I have low self-esteem but it really is true). On top of that, I'm an excellent mother and I even took care of his two other children who lived with us. I just kicked him out last night but I've pretty much started NC. I deleted all of his family off of facebook, deleted telephone numbers out of my cell, and when questioned by his sister, I basically asked her to not contact me. Sorry it's so long and it rambles on but I just need to get these feelings out before I go crazy.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Thats a pretty awful story and its sad there are so many kids involved in the whole thing. All you can do is continue to be a great mom and try to not let this persons selfish actions affect you. NC is definitely the way to go... good luck!
IfiKnewThen Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 1) find out if the story is true from him (try to get him to be honest) 2) if you really do still love him and think there's hope of it working (which it doesnt sound like at all) see if he'd go to counseling with you 3) you sound like ou have a lot on the ball and a lot going for you. i know you can do better than this guy 4) get a lawyer for your kids sake
Author brokenheart311 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks marguemoon... it IS a pretty awful story. Out of everyone I worry most about the kids involved. He and I had our problems but majority of the relationship was happy. The kids weren't exposed to much fighting or even our issues with his cheating. I want to keep it that way but I know that it is going to be difficult. All I can do now is focus on my kids and doing what is best for them. I have to lead by example. I certainly don't want my daughter thinking it's ok for men to treat her the way he treated me and I don't want my sons thinking they can treat women like that. Personally this guy did me a favor by exiting before my sons could be exposed to his toxic behaviors and lifestyles. It doesn't make it hurt any less but I'm glad he did it now instead of waiting....
rachel7475 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Wow, you are a strong woman. You can see that you need to continue on for your kids' sake and know what you have to do. You sound like you have your sh*t together. Unfortunately, the man seems like he'll never realize what he lost. Don't let that get to you - it sucks when you just want them to realize what they lost and what they did but they're too selfish to realize it. You will find a good man though who respects you and sees how tough you are.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 It's sad to hear you're having kids outside of marriage and it's even sadder to hear that the father is such a lying and irresponsible man. I quote the other posters, you sound like a very strong woman, and as difficult as it will be to raise your children, I think you can do it. Just know that one man doesn't make your worth, how you see yourself, does. Seeing as it takes two to have a baby ( let alone twins) you should know that it's impossible to go fully NC. Your ex still has to contribute to child support and as hard as it's going to be, you're going to still have to maintain minimum contact to make sure he brings in the check and provide child support.
dng Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 It's sad to hear you're having kids outside of marriage Who are you to judge? You think she's coming here to get judged by you?
Author brokenheart311 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Thanks for everyone's advice and support. I know I posted this a week ago but things have been busy for me. I am a very strong and independent person. I have been down this road with him several times and I know he always comes crawling back, crying to me about how the grass isn't greener. This time, I just don't want to hear it. In the past week, I've done pretty well with NC. While we have kids together, he seems uninterested in seeing or supporting them. He has sent more texts to me about mail coming to the house than about our kids. I ignored all but the last one which was sent two days ago. I told him to stop contacting me about things not pertaining to our children or his financial obligation to them. He hasn't sent a text since... He did try to call (when he calls he wants to talk to our daughter). She was busy at a gymnastics class and refused to call him back when she was done. I guess really I just feel like I got a huge slap in the face from him and his entire family. Remember, I've been friends with him for most of my life and his family was second family to me. They all turned their backs on me and my kids (my kids are related to them obviously). It almost comes off like I did something wrong when I didn't. I just hate feeling like I need to kiss everyone's butts to make sure my kids have a relationship with people who clearly don't care....
IfiKnewThen Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 its very sad when the parents try to support their son but condone his actions and abandon their extended family too in the process. he sounds like a sex addict that he cheats like this. it doesnt have to be about sex. but in this case he does sound like it. i mature..irresponsible. ug. good riddance to this behavior. upcoming twins or not i know you can do better than this guy.
comethemorning Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I just hate feeling like I need to kiss everyone's butts to make sure my kids have a relationship with people who clearly don't care.... Do the kids want to have a relationship with them? I, nor my children, have any contact with my STBXH's family. Myself for obvious reasons, and my children by their choice. Just because they are family doesn't mean they have to be part of their lives. I never denied my in-laws access to the kids, but due to the circumstances we are dealing with now, both kids have decided they want nothing to do with them. The way I look at it is, if I wouldn't force them to play nice with the neighbour kid because he/she is an a**hole, why should I force them to play nice with the in-laws when they are disrespected by them at every turn? Just my opinion. Peace.
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