vanitylane Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 New to the force, and became aquainted with everyone on the squad. I'm 27, single, and just trying to make a way for myself. There's this co-worker that I wasn't too fond of at first; I didn't really care for his attitude, smoke cigarettes, and cussed too much. And he's older... as in 17 years older than me. So I pay him no mind, I just do my job and hope everyone makes it home at night. Until one night.. We were joking around (as we usually do) and he offered me to go out with him after work for a drink. So I did. He's TOTALLY a different man outside of work. That hard persona disappeared quick. Maybe we had too much to drink... he said he wanted to leave the bar. I was ready to go to, sooooo long story short I end up at his loft. WHOA!! he was all over me!! We didn't do "it", but my mind has been racing since that night a couple nights ago. When I woke up, I reached in my jeans pocket and pulled out 2 doorkeys. I texted him and asked him what was up with the keys, and he said that he wanted me over as much as I can make it by. WHAT?! Other than work, he doesn't know me well enough to slide me the keys to his home!! I like him a lot, but I don't want this "thing" to interrupt our work. What to do?! I'm flattered, but also wondering why he wants to move so quickly... We texted each other all day basically, and his last text said, "i luv u (my name here) and can't wait to see u tomorrow." WHAT?! We only went out one time!!
jnj express Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 You need to back way away---and do not get into a relationship with this guy at all How can anyone know after one date that all of a sudden---I need you in my life, and here are the keys to my pad----give him his keys back, and stay away from him---especially since you really know nothing about him and he is actually old enuff to be your father I also think that dating another peace officer, also has its own built in pitfalls---due to your line of work, and the constant stress you are under
PegNosePete Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Run, run, run. He is clearly not right in the head. Either that or he is trying to use you for sex. If he gives his keys and says he loves a woman so soon, chances are he has done it before, and often.
fltc Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I'll give you some different advice, if you want a fling go ahead. Just keep in mind that's all it will be.
2sure Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 If after one accidental evening together he gives you the keys to his home and tells you he loves you...I would run. Especially because you work with him. His behavior is bizzzarrro. The other people he works with probably already know this and you dont want to be associated with him in that way.
Lucky_One Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Another thing to consider: You are new, you are in a field where there are few women. MEN TALK. For all you know, you are the victim of a "who's gonna screw her first" bet in the men's locker room. If you don't want to be know as the "squad pump", then don't fall into this trap of 1) being so easy as to sleep with him on the second night of bar drinking and 2) going to his apt on his beck and call. If you REALLY like him and REALLY would like to see where a REAL relationship could go, then respect yourself and see if he respects you in return. This would mean dates (real ones, not drinking after work in a bar or going to his place), time, and getting to know each other. You are given one chance to make a reputation at work. Make your reputation one that you and your grandmother would be proud of. You also need to see what the department regs are on fraternization.
BambooSticks Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Poor guy could also be extremely gullible... If he gives his keys away so quickly, imagine if they fall into the wrong hands. He could have all of his things stolen, his place trashed by the wrong person. When you give him his keys back, treat his heart gently and tell him how dangerous it is... Not just to put his material assets at risk, but his heart too. He should never give his heart/things away so easily. Good things take time. His heart is most precious of items not to be given away so hastily.
PegNosePete Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 His heart is most precious of items not to be given away so hastily. He is not thinking with his heart. He is thinking with his d*ck.
BlueRidgeMTs Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 OP, I am on the job also, so I can relate. Do NOT have ANYTHING to do with this guy again! Leave it alone. You are new, but you better learn that these guys see you as fresh meat..and nothing else. I dont care how "nice and different" you think he is outside of the job. Leave it alone, or you will get a reputation as being easy. I have seen that happen to some women on the job. Dont let it be you. And no man with honorable intentions would be moving that fast, nor would he be " all over you".
hurting_in_nw Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 It shocks me that people need to ask strangers on the internet advice in a situation like this.
jackmastadon Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 You realkly should be careful. trust your FIRST judgements. if you thought he was a jerk to begin with that will come out later. any guy can act nice.
Author vanitylane Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 You realkly should be careful. trust your FIRST judgements. if you thought he was a jerk to begin with that will come out later. any guy can act nice. You guys were absolutely right.. Too bad I didn't check this until some weeks later. He's very much like what I see at work. He thinks he's better than everyone on the force, constantly talks about work outside of work, get drunk and speak in a disrespectful tone to others during any social gathering, accuse me of the silliest things,and constantly would talk about how women would throw themselves at him. I gave him his keys back a couple days ago and he sent me the most RUDE text message after that telling me I was, "Weak, and to not call him anymore." and even called me the B word! What a disaster! I haven't worked with him yet, but I think I'm scheduled to this week. OMG!! What have I done?!
mustofbeen Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Look what he does for a living lol, stay away.
Chi townD Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Man, I hate guys that think they're God's gift to women and are full of themselves. Just tell him that you two got off on the wrong foot and sorry but you like your guys younger with a little more staying power. That should knock him down a few pegs.
Author vanitylane Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Man, I hate guys that think they're God's gift to women and are full of themselves. Just tell him that you two got off on the wrong foot and sorry but you like your guys younger with a little more staying power. That should knock him down a few pegs. Reading that actually made me smile, Chi town.. thank you. I see him at work often, but we don't speak anymore unless we have to. Boy, have I learned my lesson about ignoring your intuition..
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 You guys were absolutely right.. Too bad I didn't check this until some weeks later. He's very much like what I see at work. He thinks he's better than everyone on the force, constantly talks about work outside of work, get drunk and speak in a disrespectful tone to others during any social gathering, accuse me of the silliest things,and constantly would talk about how women would throw themselves at him. I gave him his keys back a couple days ago and he sent me the most RUDE text message after that telling me I was, "Weak, and to not call him anymore." and even called me the B word! What a disaster! I haven't worked with him yet, but I think I'm scheduled to this week. OMG!! What have I done?! Nothing. He's a narcississt. He's full of himself and you didn't supply him what he wanted from you, so he's cut you off and now will ignore you. His ego was hurt, but not for long. You be careful! Either this guy will hopefully ignore you (that's what you want) or he's going to make your life hell at work. For the future, not a good idea to get involved with coworkers, especially if you just started on the job and are a rookie. Stay safe.
bean1 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Vanitylane, I've been in law enforcement a wee bit longer than you but not by much (6 years), STAY AWAY FROM YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS IN YOUR DEPARTMENT, I cannot stress that enough (I am female, btw). You are inviting trouble. They talk in the locker room. You WILL invite disaster into your life. Fellow officer in a different department, sure go ahead. My husband is too. But never your own. These guys (like the subject of your post) are a dime a dozen and they can fish out a green new girl from a mile away. Beware! Good luck
jnj express Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 When you work with him, just do your job, keep things professional, and stay away from him---also bring a VAR with you in case he gets out of line, and you need to protect yourself, or he is abusive----the VAR will give you proof of what happened should you need it
Sergeant K Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Do not get in any type of relationship with another officer in the same different this early in your career. After a few more years on then you may be able to pull it off, but not now. You need to read Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement by Kevin Gillmartin. You will probably not understand it since you are new, but you need to understand what he talks about and try to not follow the path most officers follow. I know it is all new an exciting right now, but you have to take care of yourself mentally. I give a copy of the book to all of my new officers and make it required reading every few years for some of the older guys.
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