SarcasticBlonde Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I really want to say it. I almost "slipped" and said it the other day. But my past experience and what I have heard, read etc, tells me I should let him say it first. Opinions?
Mad Max Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 That sounds like manipulation. If he doesn't say it, then it gives you ammo to use. If you know you're going to mean it, say it. And men are encouraged the same; not to say "I love you" first or to initiate exclusivity.
Cracker Jack Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 If you love him, tell him. The man needing to say it first is hyped up more than it needs to be.
jdean76 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I really want to say it. I almost "slipped" and said it the other day. But my past experience and what I have heard, read etc, tells me I should let him say it first. Opinions? How long have you two been together (and how old are you)? I'm really close to saying it to my girl and we've been together a little bit shy of four months, but I feel like it's too soon. But we're perfect for each other, so it's just a matter of time.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 "I love you" is somewhat of a presumptuous thing to say. If however you went to a guy and told him that you are "in love with him" or "think you're in love" with him or you "are falling in love" with him, the dynamic changes. You're not putting him on the spot for a response--you're placing it in his hands that something has happened to change things (for the better) but that you are not sure what his feelings are about that. This will not be taken like a rush to have him tell you he loves you or that you can't wait for him say it first. It's a way to say that you love him but in a special way that really means he's won you. At least that's how I feel about it. I wouldn't react negatively even if I didn't feel quite there yet in the same way. I would just take it that she wanted let me know something that is important for me TO know. I would then choose my words to convey my feelings in the context of what's appropriate for our situation. Just a thought. "I love you" is fine down the road as a refresher but "I'm falling in love with you" is much more preferred.
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I have to say that most men wont say "I Love You" first. This is absolutely not my experience. I've never said it first, and never had to. EDIT: I take that back. I said it first once - and guess what? He didn't feel the same!
katieandhearts Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I always think about the lyrics from that one Colbie Caillat song.. "But I never told you what I should have said... and now I miss everything about you." I'd HATE to be in that situation. Most often, it's the chances we didn't take rather than the ones we did that we regret the most. I told my boyfriend first (because I couldn't *not* say it anymore), and he kissed me more passionately than ever, then told me the very next night. =) He told me later he would have said it then too, but he didn't want it to seem contrived or like the auto-response, "Oh, me too.. wait, what?" hehe If you really feel that way, I think you have more to lose by not saying it than saying it. But I think you should wait until you can't not say it.. because then you know it's for-real.
denise_xo Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 If you love him, tell him. The man needing to say it first is hyped up more than it needs to be. I agree with this. I just tend to be open and honest about my feelings. Sometimes that includes saying 'I love you' first. It's not a big deal, IME.
depplover_1980 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 In your case Blonde, just wait a bit longer as you've only just got through your shaky patch!!
zengirl Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I think it's fine to say ILY first. The only issue is that the person who says it first (whover they are) needs to have a strong enough ego to survive waiting awhile for the other person to get their turn to say it, if it isn't said back right away. Personally, I never say it back right away, even when I feel the same (I'll say it soon) because I want my own first ILY moment and not just a "too" moment. And also there are times your partner won't be 'quite there' yet. And times when they'll need to mull their feelings over and process first. It happens and putting pressure on the ILY is the biggest problem, not saying it. In your case Blonde, just wait a bit longer as you've only just got through your shaky patch!! However, in this case, I agree with this.
denise_xo Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Personally, I never say it back right away, even when I feel the same (I'll say it soon) because I want my own first ILY moment and not just a "too" moment. I love this concept: 'I want my own first ILY moment and not just a 'too' moment'. Excellent.
Eeyore79 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Meh, I told my boyfriend I loved him and we're still together. I don't know what I'd have done if he didn't say it back though - the couple of minutes it took for him to respond were hell! Say it if you mean it, but be sure you're strong enough to cope if he doesn't respond in the way you'd hoped. I've had relationships fall apart because I loved a guy and he didn't reciprocate; I got bored with waiting and started to feel I was wasting my time because he didn't love me back, so after a few months I dumped him. The worst response I even got to an ILY was "I don't feel that for you"; I never saw the guy again.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Only say ILY when you mean it. If you're doing it for a reaction, I would say save it. Although it is my personal opinion that you should only marry and settle down with someone who " loves" you more than you do him.
sunshinegirl Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 SB, given your recent 'shaky patch' and your complaint that your guy doesn't initiate or lead, I have to echo the advice not to do it now. Beyond that, I have to wonder: in exactly which areas of your relationship are you going to give your guy a chance to initiate?
Nexus One Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Has your relationship with him landed in calm and steady waters yet? It has still only been 3 months and you guys had some friction for a short while. So what has happened since? Inquiring minds want to know.
Imajerk17 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 In isolation, it's fine if the woman says it first. In *your* case though, SB, I would hold off. After the incident you had with your boyfriend a few weeks ago, I would suggest you lay back and see what happens. You *don't* want to start/reinforce a pattern where you are always the one reaching out to him/ obviously putting more energy into the relationship out of the two of you. It will only get the guy to pull back. Take this from someone who has had experience with a clingy girlfriend or two.
Author SarcasticBlonde Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 In isolation, it's fine if the woman says it first. In *your* case though, SB, I would hold off. After the incident you had with your boyfriend a few weeks ago, I would suggest you lay back and see what happens. You *don't* want to start/reinforce a pattern where you are always the one reaching out to him/ obviously putting more energy into the relationship out of the two of you. It will only get the guy to pull back. Take this from someone who has had experience with a clingy girlfriend or two. I'm not clingy!
depplover_1980 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I'm not clingy! Not to you you're not but guys see it differently!!
Author SarcasticBlonde Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Yeah I agree I should keep my mouth shut because of my recent issues with him.
depplover_1980 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Yeah I agree I should keep my mouth shut because of my recent issues with him. Believe me saying it to him won't make him say it to you back from what i've read of him. He'll be plodding along all happy and then 'i love you' will just put him on red alert!!
Author SarcasticBlonde Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Believe me saying it to him won't make him say it to you back from what i've read of him. He'll be plodding along all happy and then 'i love you' will just put him on red alert!! Things are going well. I was sick earlier this week. He came by one night bringing me "get well" food and made me dinner. We going away in a few weeks. So I won't rock the boat. depplover: have you heard from your ex?
Imajerk17 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Things are going well. I was sick earlier this week. He came by one night bringing me "get well" food and made me dinner. We going away in a few weeks. So I won't rock the boat. Good! I didn't mean to insult you, SB, or to say that you were clingy. I did give you my advice as a guy who knows how it feels to be in a relationship with a woman who put more energy into it than I did. It made me want to pull away. I hope things work out with you and your guy and so I give my unvarnished opinion. Then again, looks like depplover and SunshineGirl already had said the same thing I did.
depplover_1980 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Things are going well. I was sick earlier this week. He came by one night bringing me "get well" food and made me dinner. We going away in a few weeks. So I won't rock the boat. depplover: have you heard from your ex? Heard from him yes, but I am not banking on a reconciliation. Very tough doing it long distance, I am patiently waiting for an invite to stay with him next weekend - we are in text/email communication at present but I am leaving him well alone to be honest. When he's ready and all.
depplover_1980 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Heard from him yes, but I am not banking on a reconciliation. Very tough doing it long distance, I am patiently waiting for an invite to stay with him next weekend - we are in text/email communication at present but I am leaving him well alone to be honest. When he's ready and all. Thanks for asking though.x:)
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