Long Distance Open Relationship - first obstacle

[really-broken]

Hi. Well, I'm currently feeling quite depressed and hoping that someone here will give me some advice to help me improve my look on this relationship.

 

So I am currently in a sort of long distance relationship with my ex, we dated for 9 months, then she left and we broke up for 4 months, then resumed our relationship long distance about 2 months ago, and here's the problem. So she slept with a bunch of guys when we were broken up, but I don't think she has since we got back informally together. Now our understanding is that we can both sleep with other people, but I guess that things were going very well between us and perhaps this is why she is quite upset at me sleeping with someone recently, even though she has a lot more experience under her belt, so to speak. So now I sense that she wants to have sex with others at least in part because of jealousy, and I feel that she might get more disconnected if that happens. In my case, I felt even more connected to her when I had sex with someone else. So I don't know what to do! I worked quite hard to get things to where they are right now, and I had sex because before this she was my first.

 

What to do? Any advice on how to establish some kind of structure that might work better? What are some good approaches to help fix this problem?

 

Thanks.

[Els]

I really, personally, think 'open LDR' is an oxymoron.

 

If you're not committed enough to be exclusive, why not just break it off and truly date in your local areas?

[LittleTiger]

I think you need to get together as soon as you can and sit down and talk. Talk about what you both really want from this relationship.

 

The 'usual, run-of-the-mill, standard, around the corner or living together' relationship is a huge challenge, all by itself, for most of us.

 

'Open' relationships add a whole new dimension and are even more of a challenge - it takes two very secure individuals and a huge amount of trust to make such an arrangement work - and usually it doesn't.

 

'Long Distance' relationships are a 'whole new ball game' which demand not only the usual obstacles involved in relationships but an even deepr level of trust in your partner as well as regular, honest, open communication. To make LDRs work long term requires 100% commitment and working towards common goals, despite the physical distance. Usually, that requires considerably more sacrifice than most relationships in terms of getting physical/sexual and often also emotional needs met. It's not something anybody would choose to do lightly.

 

From what you've said in your post, you're attempting to mix the two most difficult types of relationships together and, personally, I don't believe this kind of relationship is ever likely to be successful in the long term. What you seem to describing is a FWB where the sex is limited by distance. That's fine if you don't invest too much emotionally but you both appear to be heavily invested already which does rather confuse things.

 

Perhaps if you start with the getting the communication sorted first you may find that everything else becomes a little clearer for both of you.

[aerogurl87]

When someone says they want to be in an open LDR that usually means they're not really into you and want to keep their options open in case someone good comes around that is local. I'm just telling you from experience since my ex and I did the same thing to each other. I wanted an open LDR at first so I could date locally in case someone good came around and he wanted one later so he could find a way out of the relationship if a good opportunity presented itself.

[folieadeux]

Open relationships rarely work from what I've seen, regardless of being in an LDR or not.