Movingthrough Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Well i posted about this before and i have not broke NC. I feel like the more i deal with my issues and move forward, the more i want to open up and let out what i felt i did wrong in the relationship. My ex is no saint, but it was her past that messed me up in the present when we were dating. I look back and everything we fought about was me bringing up her baggage, and pushing the topic so i could figure it out. It makes me feel like as a man, and an adult, that i need to say something to get it off my chest (so i dont keep thinking about it) and to lay it to rest. But, like i said in another post, she already went off on me to a friend (most likely because im not talking to her) and has blocked me on facebook when we arent even friends on there. She is pissed i think that i have moved past it even after saying the things i said to her, about how i cared etc etc before i went NC. I know it would have to be something i do for ME and me only, it has to not matter what she thinks or does. When i was writing it i didnt care at all, it was very to the point and not personal, just trying to say that my intentions were not bad. But i know things change when you break NC... Some of you have responded before and thanks for doing that, figured i would post here before emailing her. All i keep thinking about is how so much of what i did actually did have a huge part of us breaking up (or could have) so to not acknowledge that is like saying it didnt happen and just "well screw it", i dont like leaving things like that and feels immature to me. Some of me thinks doing NC was for the point im at now, being able to admit my problems and wish her well, so when after i send it, i can be somewhat at peace with the fact that i have said or done everything i can. Even after 6 months, and 2 months NC she is on my mind too much and most of it has been because of this..
lostorfound Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 So my first post here after reading through many over the past 2 weeks. I am 5 weeks post BU and found the input here priceless. So here goes my input.... I feel like the more i deal with my issues and move forward, the more i want to open up and let out what i felt i did wrong in the relationship. Definitely open up about it, just not to her. All i keep thinking about is how so much of what i did actually did have a huge part of us breaking up (or could have) so to not acknowledge that is like saying it didnt happen and just "well screw it", Believe in your gut feeling, that yes, your actions probably did play a big part in the BU, and allow yourself to acknowledge that without needing any outside affirmation. Some of me thinks doing NC was for the point im at now, being able to admit my problems and wish her well, so when after i send it, i can be somewhat at peace with the fact that i have said or done everything i can. NC is meant just for bringing you to this point of understanding, but not so you can bring her back into the process and muddy the clarity you've found, but to perhaps grow and not repeat the same mistakes in your future relationships. By exploring the issues with her I have a hunch the lessons you learned about yourself will not be as potent and well assimilated into your emotional growth. Stay NC
Graceful Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 MT, Draft a copy of the email you would like to send, and post it. Of course, if that makes you uncomfortable, then just say so. You're not accountable to us, you're accountable to yourself. So if you're hell bent on sending an email, it's not productive to tell you not to, as we've been telling you that all along. Do I think it will do any good? No, I do not. But if you're going to send it, then at least post it here first and maybe we can help you with it. Otherwise, it doesn't look like you're asking a question in your post. That's all I got for you this time around.
Author Movingthrough Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks guys for the responses. Graceful, thanks again, your responses are always great and while this is my second post about it, you guys are why i didnt send it. I feel like im searching for the reason that she is still on my head, and one thing that keeps popping up is the fact that so much of what i did was not "bad" by any means, but not right. The more i looked at it, the more i saw that her past is what made me like that, even though her past was not going on in our relationship. The weirdest part about this is even if i was fully to blame, i still dodged a bullet. So its almost like im "lucky" even if i did do things the wrong way, that is what has made me not send her anything and be so good with this NC even when she called me out to my friend. But like graceful said above, there are parts of me that feels like for ME i need to do something. The issue is im writing this email as a mature, straight to the point, semi admission of what i did and didnt do. Any adult that would read it would think well thank you and see it for what it is. But with her prior actions towards my friend and the fact that she is with someone else, it has potential to backfire. She has always been very respectful to me in emails, always answered me back as an adult before, but lately with the blocking and bad mouthing, it makes me think this may be a bad time. Maybe my question is, for something to pop in your head, a small feeling of guilt and something you regret, over and over...is it best to just let it "run its course" or actually do something about it? I have seen a psych a few times and he keeps on me about the fact that "something" is holding on to this, while i know there is more, this is one thing that pops up. To be honest with you guys (and maybe this answers my question) and after reading on here, i dont know if the best move would be to break NC, but im also sick of having this on my head. Most of you have helped me a lot so im sorry that im going back and forth but i really appreciate everyones insight...
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