guest22 Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 i would appreciate anyone's opinions, esp. a male's. i have a 22 yr old bf who i know is very depressed. he has shut down emotionally and is isolating himself from everything but work. he won't let me in to help him. i know that what he needs is another male to talk to, perhaps a male counselor or something of that sort. but knowing him like i do, he thinks reaching out for help is a sign of weakness. i know i can't force him out of this.. but if you love someone you don't just stand back and let them hurt. in my opinion, going to counseling would be beneficial.. but i don't know how to approach him about it without offending him. any suggestions would be helpful. thanks a lot..
moimeme Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 Does he realize he's depressed? If so, you might have some luck with persuading him to see a physician. There are medical conditions which can cause depression. If he can be persuaded to see his doctor to rule out any medical conditions, his doc will be able to suggest whatever treatment, including therapy, might be needed. This is based on the premise that he doesn't think it's 'weak' to go to a doctor when one is ill, of course.
faux Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 I think that you already know a good way to try and approach him. Explain that you mean absolutely no offense to him, and that you understand how he might think that seeking help is a sign of weakness, but that you care about him very much and think that considering counseling would help him to learn to be stronger so that he can get himself through this. Maybe you could stress that he is the one in control, and that a counselor or therapist would only provide guidance. He would still be the one who needs to find the strength to conquer whatever pain he is going through. This is ultimately his choice, and you have no obligation to get him help. As difficult as it may be, he also does have a right to keep distant from you during situations such as this. These are his personal problems and feelings that belong to him, and him alone. I'm certain he knows that you care, but it is all in his hands, and no one else's.
amthere2 Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 hi guest 22, i am with you, except its my girl friend. she has a history of depression herself and in her family, which i found out around last halloween. she began to distance herself from me also, and hates her job and basically has a bad attitude concerning everything and everyone. she is on anti-depressants and her moods can change rapidly. after doing some research, the best advice is to look at a website called depressionfallout. com. its for the other victims of depression, the loved ones who have to deal with it. i find myself in the agonizing position of giving her up - most people on that site who are experiencing this with their husbands, wives, etc. all say it never gets better and you yourself deserve a happy life with a healthy individual, instead of a lifetime of despair and rejection while a depressive pulls your life into their pit. as i have found, this is easier said than done, for you feel like such a failure and you want to do everything possible to make them feel better---but in reality, you cant. just look at the news today on all these pills - the fed. govt. now wants suicide warnings on paxil and all other anti-depressants. so these drugs are far from the end-all for this mental illness. just inform yourself like i have and try to weigh the options. my GF does not want to talk to anyone when depressed, and then gets mad if it's brought up when she feels better because that makes her depressed. i havent talked to her in a week now, and i get mad and say screw it, and then later i feel guilty and want to help her. but a smart person learns from his mistakes, and a wise person learns from the mistakes of others---i think in cases like ours, it may be better to be wise than smart. i wish you good luck, and hope that website helps you in your approach
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