What shall I do?!

[fudge464]

Hey guys, great site here, just looking for a bit of advice.

 

Was seeing this guy for 6 months, he's 23 and I'm 21. I've had two long term relationships before him but I was his first serious girlfriend and he lost his virginity to me. I treated him really well (too well maybe?) and he was often very grumpy and stressed out with work and took it out on me since he lives alone.

 

We broke up on good terms about a month ago, agreed to be friends. It was more his decision than mine, but because he'd been quite distant in the weeks beforehand, I agreed it couldn't continue like that. He cried before I did and seemed very upset about it but adamant that it wouldn't work long term. I was upset, but thought it would be like my past breakups – I'm still friends with all my exes and I never found breaking up with them very difficult, because we stayed in contact and sort of weaned ourselves off each other!

 

He texted when he got home that night and said “Sorry, this sucks “ we carried on texting that week, about every other day, just general stuff about work etc. I was pretty devastated because I could see that we were getting more and more distant and we probably wouldn't see each other for a long time.

He seemed to be doing ok, but it was almost like he was playing a game of “only text back every other day”. It was like clockwork! I decided to start playing it cool too. We also had a chat on Facebook one night, and once he heard that I'd been out that weekend, he told me he'd been out too. I thought this was a bit strange because he doesn't know anyone where he lives, apart from work mates, and he doesn't go out with them socially.

 

Another week passed and I saw that he'd added a girl on Facebook. The whole time I knew him, he never added anyone on Facebook because he rarely uses it. I could see from the girl's profile that she worked with him and was very pretty. A couple of weeks before we broke up, he had a few work Christmas parties and she was probably there. This got me very suspicious and upset so I ended up leaving him a message to call me when he had a minute. I started out the chat casually and asked if he fancied catching up in a week or two, and he said he couldn't because he's very busy at work. I said “busy as in actually busy, or busy as in you don't want to see me?” and he replied “a bit of both really.”

 

I asked him if he was seeing someone else and he said he'd been on 3 dates. I said it seemed a bit soon to be dating again (3 dates would mean he was seeing her after just one week), considering he was so upset when we broke up. He didn't seem bothered at all and said he had to go.

After that call I text him to to wish him well and said it would be nice if we could stay in touch.

 

I was absolutely gutted about him seeing someone else but it's been 2 weeks since then and I haven't contacted him. I've been feeling better by the day but at the same time wondering whether this is a rebound thing or what?

I can't understand how a boy could cry so much when dumped me, yet be available for dating again after just a week. It's the last thing I feel like doing, I know I'm not over him yet. I would have thought if he was on the rebound, he would have kept in contact with me a bit more. He's never said anything about the break up being a mistake, or made any attempt to reach out to me emotionally.

 

The funny thing is, as I've been typing this, I had a text message. Guess what, it's him. It just says “Hey, hows you? Hope things are going well looks like xxx and xxx were ok in the end.” (that bit refers to our mutual friends who we thought had broken up.)

 

So, since I told him I wanted to stay friends, should I reply? Or should I assume he is on the rebound and let him miss me for a while. I don't know what to do – if he is over me, I would like to just be his friend. If I don't text him back, he might not bother again.

 

On the off chance that this girl he's seeing hasn't worked out, or that it's a fling to make him feel less lonely, I don't want to ruin the chance that no contact has worked and he's realising he does miss me.

What to do?! Sorry that was so long!

 

Edit: I just realised it's been a month to the day since we broke up. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but seems kinda funny for him to text me today of all days, when he hasn't done for two weeks. Hmm!

Edited January 28, 2011 by fudge464

[notsure15]

sounds like you still care for him. give it a go, take the lead but set boundaries and work out what went wrong. My wife and i broke up 8 times, and sloved everyone of them because we "knew" we wanted to be togher and everything we did to fix things was start by saying we both need to compromise. Happily married 15 yrs with 4 kids. go for it if you believe in it.

[fudge464]

I do still care for him, but since he started dating someone else after a week, I just don't know what to do. NC has helped me so far, it's been 2 weeks since I found out he was dating again, and I'm feeling a lot better.

 

After I got the text yesterday asking how I am, I don't know what to do. I haven't replied yet. Shall I ignore it and let him miss me more, or reply and hope that it gets us talking again?

 

I don't know whether he's still seeing someone else, maybe it didn't work out and that's why he's texted.

 

I can't find anything about what to do when your ex breaks NC but it's not to say "I miss you" or anything like that, just a "How are you?"

[donovant91]

I think he is just trying to feel better. You said he lives alone and doesn't really have anyone to talk to. He is probably just looking for someone to just make him feel better, because now that he doesn't have you a major support system for him is gone. He probably really misses you and maybe thinks by him dating other girls it will provoke you to come to him. You have to decide whether you want to be with him or not. If you do, reply to his text and just tell him you want to talk about things. If you don't then I would just ignore him.