J0N Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Hi, *I am getting a little discouraged with the whole “online dating” thing. I want to start out by saying that I really am not a shallow guy, but I have to be at least attracted to someone for it to work. I am a pretty decent looking 6’ 5” guy who takes very good care of himself (not trying to toot my own horn). I joined one of the free websites POF, and literally every girl but two have been like huge (sorry ladies, again I am really not trying to step on any toes here), have kids, or they didn’t graduate HS, or any combination of these. There was one who was pretty good looking and we got talking and then she suddenly stopped talking to me when I asked her for her number. She had previously said that she would be interested in getting together sometime. I don’t want to be a creep so I am going to let that one go. Are the ones you have to pay for like Match.com any better? I feel like this website is all the bottom feeders (again, I am sorry), but I don’t want to pay unless it will actually yield results. Or maybe I might just delete my user name and figure something else out. Does anyone have any advice, I just want to meet some girls, and if our personalities jive take her out on a few dates and show her a good time. I am not a player who is looking to get laid, just a good guy looking to meet some new people.
spiderowl Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 You don't mention how old you are. Your age might have something to do with the kind of women you are seeing on the site. If most women of your age are likely to have had children, then if you are looking for childless women you will be narrowing your prospective field. Speaking as one of the 'bottom feeders' you think are on there, it is a matter of time. There are a lot of people on most dating sites who have had problems finding a partner. Sometimes they have just been unlucky. Sometimes there is a good reason why they haven't found someone, like they have no manners, are rather unattractive and have bizarre fashion sense, or are materially obsessed. There are lots of reasons why one person might not find another attractive. You are looking for a woman 'who looks after herself' and so are making a judgment about those who do not look as fit as you. You may be correct in some ways, but in others you may find people have different priorities and that being slightly unfit does not make them a bad or uninteresting person, something you might have found out if you'd met them. I've met quite a few guys from dating sites now. Mostly it was one date and we clearly weren't suited. At least one of the guys who I had a relationship with was someone whose picture did not appeal and he wouldn't have had I met him socially. But, he persuaded me to meet him and he was a fascinating, funny and interesting guy. Yet I've chatted online to very attractive guys, some younger than me, and felt they were self-obsessed and superficial. Yes, would have been OK for a one-night stand, but not for more! I think it's worth being a little open-minded about some of the people you might automatically turn down. If they are intelligent and amusing, then ask yourself whether a perfect body is everything.
GreenPolicy Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 My last two serious relationships came about through online dating. The gap between the first one ending and the next one beginning was about 22 months. It's a lot like real life - you wade through a lot of what you don't like to find what you do. It requires a lot of patience.
I am healed Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 that's cause it is real life. Although I dislike the whole online dating scene you spend hours chatting to people you may meet and most of the time when you do meet nothing comes of it. All my relationships came from the real world. I enjoy approaching and talking to girls in the real world, but I do realize that it takes more courage to do so. good luck, I encourage you to try going for girls in the real world it will make you better with the opposite sex.
Disillusioned Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I've only had 3 online dates who didn't turn out to be flakes. #1 tried to use the Jedi mind control trick on me. NEXT... #2 was short, fat, looked like a boy, and was mean-spirited. The deal breaker was when she insulted a fish. NEXT... #3 was fat and would have looked like Cher if she lost all that weight. Unfortunately she was a neat freak. NEXT... Lat November, I thought to myself: what am I nuts??? Ain't gonna be no "next".
StalledGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I've only had 3 online dates who didn't turn out to be flakes. #1 tried to use the Jedi mind control trick on me. NEXT... #2 was short, fat, looked like a boy, and was mean-spirited. The deal breaker was when she insulted a fish. NEXT... #3 was fat and would have looked like Cher if she lost all that weight. Unfortunately she was a neat freak. NEXT... Lat November, I thought to myself: what am I nuts??? Ain't gonna be no "next". Sorry for laughing! You should write a book:bunny: (I wonder how one insults a fish:confused:)
Disillusioned Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Sorry for laughing! You should write a book Believe me, I plan to. One of the 16 books I want to write is going to be a collection of 20 romance stories---and they all turn out BAD. (I wonder how one insults a fish:confused:) It was a skate or a ray or something... it came in too close and got washed up on the sand. It flapped its side fins trying to get back to the water. My date (monster!!!) told it "ohhh! Get back in the water, little dumbass!" Luckily the next incoming wave picked it up and took it back out to sea. BTW to the OP: get rich. Then things will do a 180 and women will come after YOU.
SunsetRed Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 From what I've heard, the paid sites aren't any better than POF. At least with POF, you get to do your own choosing. I personally hate online dating. I hate that your first meet and first date are on the same encounter. So far, all the guys I've met have expected sex after only 1 or 2 face to face encounters. I suppose that happens in real life too, but it seems to me the online guys don't care who they have sex with, just as long as they get to have sex. I think I've been very fair and open about meeting people. I've met 2 guys who were unemployed. We went dutch treat and my attitude was that we are in a recession now and no one's job is secure, not even mine, so I cut these guys a break and decided to get to know them as friends. Both guys ended up being offended when I didn't sleep with them after dutch treat lunch date #2. I wouldn't have slept with them even if they had jobs, as I wasn't feeling the chemistry and I need more than 2 dates to feel comfortable with someone. So in short, I much prefer meeting people in real life. People are less fake and desperate when meeting in real life.
Butterflying Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 So in short, I much prefer meeting people in real life. People are less fake and desperate when meeting in real life. My sentiments exactly. The thing that frustrates me most about dating sites is that you expect if you meet someone on the site, they aren't neccisarily desperate; but they're at least looking for the same thing as you are. The problem with meeting someone in real life, unless it's a dating event, you don't know if they're single, seeing someone, or even attracted to you. You don't know if they want to be dating someone. You have to really engage them with conversation to find these things out but in a lot of cases when you meet randomly like on the train or in a supermarket, you don't have time to converse in dept. You give them your number or your card without knowing what they think of you. If you exchange numbers or cards, then you have that whole "who contacts who first" mentality working against you. Maybe the other person is shy, not assertive, can't make the first move. Maybe both people are this way in which case they both strike out in romance.
SunsetRed Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I suppose I should give up on online dating all together. I feel like my casual coffee/lunch dates are leading these sex starved men on.. The last guy I met was fun to talk to, but I'd only known him for a week and he began inviting himself over to my place for the night. He acted like he was doing me a favor because he was willing to drive to my place intead of me driving to his. Lol and he couldn't have invited me to his place anyway because he had a roommate. He was 46 years old btw. Sheesh. I think I'm just going to increase my social opportunities and thus increase my chances of meeting someone.
Disillusioned Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 There is actually a nascent strike which is growing. A lot of MGTOW are joining it, and the result will be that the only available men on the market will be PUAs. It's about the closest thing to a general strike this country has ever had, and it's working because more women are griping about not finding any decent men. You made the mess, sister... you clean it up.
Nightsky Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Real life is the way to go. Get past your fear and make some moves.
Leeway Harris Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I've had some decent experiences in the distant past with online dating, but I've been trying again recently and having no success at all. It's like all my messages go straight into a hole in the ground. After you send 20 two-paragraph messages to women and get one three-word response, you kind of get the idea that it's a waste of time. I haven't really looked at the men's profiles, maybe they're all so filthy rich and devastatingly handsome that I just can't compete. Believe me, I would SO much rather meet a woman in real life. That just doesn't come naturally to everybody. I don't have anything to say to total strangers, and I can't believe they have anything to say to me.
smile95 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 I understand...I have had no luck with online dating and met some crazies! Someone told me to volunteer, take a class, join a group...I would much rather meet a guy in real life too, but I do not go out to bars/clubs. It is not easy to meet new people, but I wish you luck!
yongyong Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 try match.com. If the person can't afford $20 a month, you know what kind of person they are? I don't guarantee it but you will see better quality women there. It would be different in big cities but here, I see a lot of fat, monster looking, has kids, just plain low lifestyle. sometimes I get disgusted looking at those women (one girl was holding a new born baby. oh one girl was pregnant and looking for new bf. that's a plain whxre imo)
smile95 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I have tried match.com and Eharmony and they both suck. Eharmony is $60!! I still think people need to meet each other the old fashioned way...
daphne Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Both guys ended up being offended when I didn't sleep with them after dutch treat lunch date #2. OMG now that's funny. Guys feel so entitled these days to easy sex it's amazing.
mustofbeen Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Online dating no way, most ladies put pics from 10 years ago and 100lbs lighter, then you talk to them and start to like them, and than bamm you meet them and like wtf? I don't date liars, sorry.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 OMG now that's funny. Guys feel so entitled these days to easy sex it's amazing. I lol'd. I been working on a match.com profile. I just gotta get some recent pictures of myself. Thankfully I am not freakish, overweight, slutty, or any of these other wonderful adjectives being used to describe women on dating sites. Maybe that is a good thing?
iron_m Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 On line dating does not have to be that traumatic. One thing I learned is: first meeting is always a coffee date. You invite the other person to meet for coffee (my fab is at a bookstore). Then you can assess the situation: do you feel deceived in terms of age, looks, personality, etc? No big deal, you have coffee, talk and then leave, that is it. No plans, no promises, nothing. You liked her (him)? before saying good bye, you make plans for the next meeting: a dinner, a walk at a local park, etc, etc, etc Also, if you think about it, going out with someone, having coffee and checking out books beats staying home alone. So even if the person is not what you expected, you still did something nice for an hour and a half. And if there is any hint of mutual interest/attraction, then you are onto something potentially more interesting. When taking it this way, my experience has been mostly positive because that first meeting (call it a date if you want) is always win-win.
mgene15 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 yea i created a profile a couple days ago..most the girls on plenty of fish and okcupid either A) get on once a month for roughly 25 minutes or B) create a profile to never return messages...(even when they give me a wink or message me first)....it's like why did u create a profile in the first place???...im not an ugly guy by no means (not trying to too my own horn)..just venting
smile95 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 yea i created a profile a couple days ago..most the girls on plenty of fish and okcupid either A) get on once a month for roughly 25 minutes or B) create a profile to never return messages...(even when they give me a wink or message me first)....it's like why did u create a profile in the first place???...im not an ugly guy by no means (not trying to too my own horn)..just venting Not sure of the quality of those 2 sites...from what I hear they are all about hooking up and they choose those sites bcz they are free.
LifesBeachy Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 On line dating does not have to be that traumatic. One thing I learned is: first meeting is always a coffee date. You invite the other person to meet for coffee (my fab is at a bookstore). Then you can assess the situation: do you feel deceived in terms of age, looks, personality, etc? No big deal, you have coffee, talk and then leave, that is it. No plans, no promises, nothing. You liked her (him)? before saying good bye, you make plans for the next meeting: a dinner, a walk at a local park, etc, etc, etc Also, if you think about it, going out with someone, having coffee and checking out books beats staying home alone. So even if the person is not what you expected, you still did something nice for an hour and a half. And if there is any hint of mutual interest/attraction, then you are onto something potentially more interesting. When taking it this way, my experience has been mostly positive because that first meeting (call it a date if you want) is always win-win. Oh, I love these coffee/bookstore meetings! Big coffee lover here.. Plus after you get a cup and search around the store you can either: dart away from them down some random isle (provided youre not into them:lmao:) or get really close and peek over their shoulder while you read a book/magazine together... aw:)
Duckduckgoose Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Thankfully I can spit on two starbucks, a BAM and a B&N from my apartment. This might make my dating life easier... in terms of getting there:o
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