makelemonade1974 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Okay, my second date with the new guy last night was amazing - we had so much fun. Finished a bottle of wine, laughed and kissed, kissed again on the way to the car. Kissed after getting out of the car - probably a total of 45 minutes of kissing, seriously. I think things went well (at least I went home with a huge grin on my face), only I've been neurotically checking my phone all day and . . . nothing. How many days do guys usually wait to call a girl after a second date? I may perhaps be a little impatient.
jane100 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! He'll call if he's interested, not call if he's not! Fact of life no. 1 (didn't your mother tell you, my mother never did ) Meanwhile, just get on with your life and enjoy !
carhill Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Finishing the bottle of wine is operative. Men and women this age (assuming 36 here) will act on interest in a positive way, especially after a second date. Was this man's style one of pursuit and proactive contact? If so, how did that go?
Author makelemonade1974 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Not sure what you mean by the operative bottle of wine. As far as proactive style - he contacted me first, we went out for lunch, he called at 11am the next day, we scheduled drinks later that week. We went out for drinks and he seemed very open, interested, etc. even told me some of his insecurities and seemed like he had done some research on me beforehand (had asked a colleague of mine about me before the date - talked about me with his friend). He was really into the kissing. I had to stop the kissing and end the date because he was just holding onto me and kissing and kissing. He's 29, I'm 36 - so might be different set of rules. I thought it went really well, but men can be deceptive - especially when all they want is sex. So I wait three days? Then email to say I had a good time?
Cee Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 He's been doing the initiating so I'd probably give him a few days to get back to you to set up a 3rd date. If he doesn't call, then you have your answer. I would trust your instincts about the date being good. I have discovered that my intuition is almost 100% on whether a person will call after the 2nd or 3rd date. I went on a second date last week that on the surface was good, but I detected this subtle hardening in his demeanor toward me. While I wanted him to call, I knew he wouldn't. And sure enough, 8 days later, no call. It's fine if you want to contact him in a few days, but I don't recommend email. Text him if you want, but no email.
carhill Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Alcohol = kissing center stimulant. I can tell you stories of MW's on alcohol and kissing. Yikes. I wouldn't wait at all. Continue on. If he calls, and you're free and feel interested, accept his kind invitation. Accept the attentions of other good kissers.
Lishy Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 So I wait three days? Then email to say I had a good time? No, no and NO! Dont call at all ... It's very simple really ... If he is interested he will call you and if he isnt he wont! If you call him you make him lose attraction People will disagree with this but it is basic at this stage Live your life and dont keep checking the phone
Star Gazer Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Yes, you're being a little (okay, a lot) impatient (it hasn't even been 24 hours!!!), but it's normal to get anxious when you meet someone you're excited about. It sounds like you both had a really good time. I'd trust in that and just wait and see what happens. If nothing, at least you had a great time while it lasted?
Author makelemonade1974 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Alcohol = kissing center stimulant. I can tell you stories of MW's on alcohol and kissing. Yikes. I wouldn't wait at all. Continue on. If he calls, and you're free and feel interested, accept his kind invitation. Accept the attentions of other good kissers. what is an MW?
dispatch3d Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 No, no and NO! Dont call at all ... It's very simple really ... If he is interested he will call you and if he isnt he wont! If you call him you make him lose attraction People will disagree with this but it is basic at this stage Live your life and dont keep checking the phone I've never been less attracted to a girl because she called me. If anything I've been the opposite, more attracted because the girl is showing some interest. That said you are being impatient, overanalyzing, etc. Right now you are experiencing probably feelings of anxiety, so look for ways to solve your anxiety. If he doesn't call you in like 3 days or something, then consider contacting him...
zengirl Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 If I wait, I wait forever (or till the guy calls). If I contact, it's within 48 hours. But I don't care for games. If I'm waiting, it's because I want to see something --- if he's interested enough to call me. If he's not, no dice. If I'm not waiting, it feels more natural to call within a few days, rather than waiting 3. It's not like anyone ever just "realized" 3 days later they had a good time on a date. They've been actively waiting to call. Lame, I think.
StalledGirl Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I'd feel offending if a man still hadn't contacted me the day after a date unless he was busy. I'm guessing you are in America? Or maybe i'm just weird as I act on feelings and hate rules but I do agree with others who say you shouldn't call him if you were the last person to initiate contact.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Update - got email today telling me he enjoyed the "wine and good company." Not a word about seeing me again. Yikes. Polite blow-off? Or maybe too early to ask me out again. Respond? I'm thinking I'll wait a couple days. Make him sweat a bit. Must be mysterious and detached.
dispatch3d Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Update - got email today telling me he enjoyed the "wine and good company." Not a word about seeing me again. Yikes. Polite blow-off? Or maybe too early to ask me out again. Respond? I'm thinking I'll wait a couple days. Make him sweat a bit. Must be mysterious and detached. He's not politely blowing you off. Don't act mysertious and detached. Mysterios+detached=not interested and wanting you to go away from the guys point of view. Act excited and enthusiastic to see him again. Say you had a great time and would love to catch up again (whatever words you chose, but keep the message to be similar to that....)
elastica Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Make him sweat a bit. Must be mysterious and detached. Why? If I were you, I would definitely arrange for a new date. He has done all the initiating so far, maybe you could show him you are interested as well. You will be able to show him how sexy and mysterious you are on the date.
oaks Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Respond? I'm thinking I'll wait a couple days. Make him sweat a bit. Must be mysterious and detached. I think you just said you want to play games. That's what it looked like by the time it got to my brain. If you had a nice time why don't you tell him that today, and if you want to see him again why don't you add "we should meet again soon". Acting all aloof isn't going to get you many second dates.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Okay I'll respond. I'm not into playing games. I just want to play my cards right and make sure this one sticks around. He's the cat's meow. Seriously. I've just heard from a few women that men like to chase a little bit. If you are too available they get bored quickly. And I don't want to come off as desperate.
dispatch3d Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Okay I'll respond. I'm not into playing games. I just want to play my cards right and make sure this one sticks around. He's the cat's meow. Seriously. I've just heard from a few women that men like to chase a little bit. If you are too available they get bored quickly. And I don't want to come off as desperate. humm so that's why the girls who clearly like me put me through the biggest agony of life when I try to date them hahaha. That's the male perspective .
carhill Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 'I enjoyed something too. Call me and I'll tell you about it' This dating stuff is so easy. It's the marriage stuff that's hard
yellowhibiscus Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 yes, just tell him that you had a good time too and that you'd like to see him again. Don't over think it...I do that sometimes and I think that if he likes you, he will let you know!
daphne Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I don't think you have to be mysterious and detached. You can be sweet and responsive but not giddy and that should do the trick if he's interested. Don't overdo it. But do show enthusiasm and interest, smile and have fun. In my experience guys dig that.
zengirl Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Okay I'll respond. I'm not into playing games. I just want to play my cards right and make sure this one sticks around. He's the cat's meow. Seriously. I've just heard from a few women that men like to chase a little bit. If you are too available they get bored quickly. And I don't want to come off as desperate. Men don't like you to come off as desperate or needy. That doesn't mean they like you to wait to return their messages/calls. I think men DO like to chase (many) but they require encouragement and attention to do so. It's more like a dance than hide-and-go-seek. There is nothing you can do to "make sure" someone sticks around. You cannot control other people. You can make sure you're comfortable with and proud of the way you behave. That's about it. Personally, if I got the email, I think I'd write back and say, "I had a great time, too. We should do it again sometime!" and see where he went from there. That should be enough encouragement for him to set up a second date. I usually do something like that on the dates anyway, so the guy feels the comfort and encouragement to move forward without a lot of mulling about my interest --- then his waiting time between contacts tells me something about either his dating style or his interest, and I can assess from there. That's my play, at least. Everyone has a different style.
oaks Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Okay I'll respond. I'm not into playing games. BS You're calculating how many days you're going to wait before responding in order to "make him sweat a bit". If you were just being slow to respond, or taking your time thinking what to say, or taking your time to consider how you felt about your response then those things are different, but you're deliberately choosing to delay responding in order to try to elicit a particular reaction from him. Hopefully he's not sweating, but instead having a conversation with someone who's more available.
OceanGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 If you don't want other people to play games with you, lead by example and don't play them yourself. It took me a while to learn that. If I go on a date with a guy and I like him, I text him within 24 hours that I had a great time (without suggesting another date). A guy that likes you will be over the moon to get such a text. There is nothing needy or clingy about it. Other than that, don't deliberately delay the responses - that's game playing and smart men will figure it out and be turned off.
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