Keke1 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I'm new here but i needed some advice. We have been together 4yrs. She has done some stuff that causes me to not trust her. My girlfriend has a facebook page that i didnt know about. I called and asked her about it and she admitted that she did have a page for about a month. Well I asked her to let me see it and she told me no she says that she didnt want me questioning her about any thing she does on there. Im like if we been together that long there is nothing on there that should be inappropriate so I didnt see the big deal. I said really you not going to show me. She showed me a couple of days later. I was really suspicious so I got onto her account and opened it. (Yea it was wrong) Im very guarded and cautious because I dont want to be cheated on nor catch a STD. I asked her about a guy at work she told me about long time ago. I remember well. I asked who from her job is she friends with. She told me two of her coworkers which was a lie. The only person at that time was the one guy that she says comes by and talks to her ever so often. I questioned her about it and she confessed and told me she just didnt want me to get jealous. Fast forward i see a msg that she left for him and this is what it said "From the heart Obviously im attracted to you honestly I really like you but I feel as if I cant trust u. Thats y im scared of u. Som of the things uve said 2 me @ times rubbed me the wrong way." She erased this. A couple of days later I asked her to show me her page knowing full well she didnt erase what she sent him saying wazup. She got mad but showed me anyway. She tells me that the only thing she sent him was that msg. Im knowing that she is lying to my face. Big argument ensues. She says that she wouldnt like it if i was talking to someone on the phone and erasing the call. I guess its ok as long as I dont find out about it. She erases each msg now so she wont get caught up. Should I confront her with what I know. She will get very angry if i let her know that i was on her page. Should I wait for anything? She gets very defensive if I try to talk to her almost about anything that she has done. She makes me to be the bad guy. I dont like that. What should I do?
moloko Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I'm new here but i needed some advice. We have been together 4yrs. She has done some stuff that causes me to not trust her. My girlfriend has a facebook page that i didnt know about. that alone is grounds for getting kicked to the curb. there is a reason you don't know about it and a reason she wasn't going to tell you. if you stay with her, expect this to not be the only secret she will keep from you. I called and asked her about it and she admitted that she did have a page for about a month. Well I asked her to let me see it and she told me no she says that she didnt want me questioning her about any thing she does on there. tell her "bu bye" Im like if we been together that long there is nothing on there that should be inappropriate so I didnt see the big deal. I said really you not going to show me. She showed me a couple of days later. I was really suspicious so I got onto her account and opened it. (Yea it was wrong) Im very guarded and cautious because I dont want to be cheated on nor catch a STD. I asked her about a guy at work she told me about long time ago. I remember well. I asked who from her job is she friends with. She told me two of her coworkers which was a lie. The only person at that time was the one guy that she says comes by and talks to her ever so often. I questioned her about it and she confessed and told me she just didnt want me to get jealous. Fast forward i see a msg that she left for him and this is what it said "From the heart Obviously im attracted to you honestly I really like you but I feel as if I cant trust u. Thats y im scared of u. Som of the things uve said 2 me @ times rubbed me the wrong way." She erased this. oh ya, dump her. Should I confront her with what I know. She will get very angry if i let her know that i was on her page. so what if she gets angry. she disrespected you and played you for a fool. Should I wait for anything? She gets very defensive if I try to talk to her almost about anything that she has done. She makes me to be the bad guy. I dont like that. What should I do? well of course she gets defensive, she is triflin', and she got caught. dude, trust me, get rid of her most expeditiously.
Author Keke1 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Yea it would hurt but im thinking that is the only way to deal with this situation. Never been in a relationship this long. I love her and am in love with her. This situation is making me so angry.
moloko Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 why would you love someone who professes her attraction to another guy, keeps secrets from you, and would get angry with you because SHE is untrustworthy? and she IS untrustworthy.
Author Keke1 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 why would you love someone who professes her attraction to another guy, keeps secrets from you, and would get angry with you because SHE is untrustworthy? and she IS untrustworthy. The love part I cant answer. You are so freaking right. Should I tell her? Because im already very angry the lying im tired of. I have a birthday coming up and I really want to do it after I get my gift. Cruel but whateva. Ive put alot in especially lately and I want that at least.
2sunny Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Yea it would hurt but im thinking that is the only way to deal with this situation. Never been in a relationship this long. I love her and am in love with her. This situation is making me so angry. take moloko's advice. you don't love her. you love the woman you think she COULD be - but that woman doesn't exist... only the woman who will lie and cheat on you exists. face the reality... she will always go behind your back- she just didn't intend for you to find out. IF you want to live like that forever - stay. if not, leave and don't look back. she isn't a woman who has earned your trust, not a woman of substance and character... leave. run!
2sunny Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 The love part I cant answer. You are so freaking right. Should I tell her? Because im already very angry the lying im tired of. I have a birthday coming up and I really want to do it after I get my gift. Cruel but whateva. Ive put alot in especially lately and I want that at least. oh brother! :rolleyes::rolleyes::eek::eek:
Author Keke1 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) take moloko's advice. you don't love her. you love the woman you think she COULD be - but that woman doesn't exist... only the woman who will lie and cheat on you exists. face the reality... she will always go behind your back- she just didn't intend for you to find out. IF you want to live like that forever - stay. if not, leave and don't look back. she isn't a woman who has earned your trust, not a woman of substance and character... leave. run! You are right to but I honestly havent caught her in the act of cheating but i know its only a matter of time. That is my worst fear. I know Im in a doomed relationship and it was built off a lie and I should have left the 1st time. I don't like hurting ppls feelings intentionally. Ive made up my mind to leave her and show the evidence. She still doesn't know. She swears it was only that 1 time when she told him wassup. My thing about relationships is I think its disrespectful for a woman to be calling and talking to a guy on the phone without her boyfriend knowing. Early on when its fresh cool. If you don't know it will get serious you do you and I will do me. When it gets serious its time to give that little childish stuff a rest. I wanted it like you know if you see or talk to a guy/woman of flirt at work for instance leave it at work. Don't bring it home and cause problems. IMO Edited January 27, 2011 by Keke1
Akumark Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Hahaha, haven't wrote in a while but I just have to speak here!` Yeah get that present THEN do what what you have to do, that's the least you deserve for enduring this.
Author Keke1 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Hahaha, haven't wrote in a while but I just have to speak here!` Yeah get that present THEN do what what you have to do, that's the least you deserve for enduring this. Less than two wks away. Im definitely getting my gift. Put up wit all kinds of ****. Then if i confront her she comes at me and actually makes me feel guilty. Ima try to make it expensive.
Wilie Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 dude, dont say how you got the info.. just do the breakup and DONT say the real scoop so to speak.. just leave out the part about how you know the truth, trust me on this..
Author Keke1 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 dude, dont say how you got the info.. just do the breakup and DONT say the real scoop so to speak.. just leave out the part about how you know the truth, trust me on this.. Im curious as to why not? That quote was so f%#kn disrespectful.
Leviia Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 You never give up your sources. Just say you know what shes been doing and with whom and that you no longer will stand for being disrespected. IMO leave before your birthday. Leave now. No sense in torturing yourself by waiting any longer. Shes gaslighting big time , leave and stick to it. You'll feel better about it later.
Space Ritual Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 You never give up your sources. Just say you know what shes been doing and with whom and that you no longer will stand for being disrespected. IMO leave before your birthday. Leave now. No sense in torturing yourself by waiting any longer. Shes gaslighting big time , leave and stick to it. You'll feel better about it later. No better advice than this....
FryFish Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Get the gift! She has already ****ed this guy...
Leviia Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Yeah stay, torture yourself and get the gift ...... then you'll be no better than the choices she has been making. I really hope one day that can I actually meet an adult, that can make adult choices rather than a child wearing a mans suit. Two wrongs do not make a right .... it just makes you wrong too.
Author Keke1 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Sorry. Well I told her about the msg I saw. She didn't want to hear it at ALL. She said she didn't want to see it. She doesn't remember writing anything like that at all. Says we are happy why bring up something like this????? She won't look at the paper that i rewrote the msg on. I try to read it out loud and she talks loud so she won't hear me. She called me that night apologized Other than the 1 msg haven't noticed anything crazy at all didn't get rid of her because of this. With me mostly every-night it was a msg from early dec. There is no way of stopping someone if they really wanted to cheat. Trying to make it work. Remaining guarded and suspicious. I don't really know what to do.
Author Keke1 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 So she tried to get in touch with this same guy again. Its def. over no more arguing about the same thing over and over again. The trust is obviously gone hence me feeling the need to check to see if she is doing anything. Staying has made me lose my self-respect. Im done with the nonsense/
2sunny Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 So she tried to get in touch with this same guy again. Its def. over no more arguing about the same thing over and over again. The trust is obviously gone hence me feeling the need to check to see if she is doing anything. Staying has made me lose my self-respect. Im done with the nonsense/ you have nothing if there is no trust - trust is earned... she has shown evidence of not being trustworthy = you have nothing. are you willing to hold onto nothing ... knowing it's nothing? the delusion is big - let go - you can be free from the delusion... since she hasn't shown loving behavior - there is no love.
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