WindyWaves Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) We were together almost 9 years. We broke up but are still living together since we want to work things out financially before we separate. She tried to initiate a relationship with someone the day after we "officially" decided to break up (about two weeks ago). A few days later she breaks down and tells me that our relationship a huge loss of her and she is still in love with me. She says the other woman was just a distraction to help her get over me. We decide to take things slow and see what happens. The next day she kisses this woman. We spend the whole day fighting and crying. She initiated sex with me before she left to stay with a friend. She came back the next day and tells me that she told the other woman she can't start anything with her because she needs to focus on her relationship with me. She tells me she's not going to contact this woman anymore. The next day or two she is really mean and angry with me. I know I shouldn't have done this but yesterday I looked through her text messages. She sent the other woman texts about me, saying things like "I love her but hate her", "She is just afraid to move on and is clinging to me", "I wish I never met her", "She's controlling and is trying to control me with her anger". Baisically, making me sound like an evil crazy person. I am absolutely devastated and spent the whole day crying. That evening, before our therapist appointment, I confront her about the texts and she flips out. She says that I took them out of context. She says those were her private thoughts and she was just reflecting on things. She admits that she was going to tell me that she does not want to be with me or work on things at the therapy session. She says she didn't want it to end on these terms, that she didn't want to hurt me. The texts hurt me so much. I felt so betrayed and I never thought she would ever do something like that to me. Yesterday I made the resolve that I would not love her anymore, that I wanted her out of my life. In the beginning we said that no matter what we would remain friends, but after the texts, I told her once we financially set ourselves up to move on, that would be the end. Later on that night she says she feels like she's making a huge mistake, she says she's sorry that she's ruined everything. She says she sexually wants to be other people, but she imagines her future with me. I will admit, our sex life was not great, but it wasn't nonexistant either and that was something I was willing to work on. She wants time to work on herself with a therapist to figure things out. I feel so conflicted. On one hand, I am so hurt that I don't want to love her anymore. I want to be with her (always have) but my pride and ego doesn't want to let some things go. I feel like she would "win" if I simply be nice and pretend like nothing happened while she tries to figure out what she wants. I also don't want to be friends with her anymore because again, it would be like she won. She insists that she is very confused. I somewhat believe her. I don't know if I'm letting my ego get in the way of salvaging our relationship. I don't know if I should be nice to her while she goes through things, or act like tenants until we get the financial things sorted, or I should work with her to save our relationship? Edited January 27, 2011 by WindyWaves
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