irc333 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Really now? It actually works just fine (well, worked I'm not on anymore). I showed my pictures and gave a few glimpses into my personality and sense of humor. Guys who liked what they saw and read at that point started a conversation with me asking to know more and we took it from there. Easy. Yeah, I figured that sometimes less is more. Why give it ALL away in a dating profile? Leave it to the email correspondence.
Jannah Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Oh the "Stating the obvious" profiles. "Looking for a nice guy" "I like new adventures, meeting new people and doing new things" And FINALLY..... "I love to laugh." Maybe I should start putting, "I like to drink water and I couldn't live without breathing air, and you must be able to breathe air, too." I also like wearing shoes, because they keep my feet safe from the ground. And when I write, I like to use either a pen or a pencil. Haha, "I love to laugh"..... Who doesn't love to laugh? Should it be "I hate to laugh, laughing sucks, who the hell wants to laugh".
GivenUp0083 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 (edited) Thanks doll! Seriously though, called me out on what exactly? You clearly don't believe that using a "shallow" profile can work to attract anything more than a hookup. I disagree. Next. I'm not changing my tune at all. I was identifying with the overall profile type you described that only has a few lines (very brief and general) and "masses of white space" left, as opposed to ones that are filled out w/ more effort. Was that not the gist of what you were getting at w/ your example, of "hey, looking to meet a cool guy, I like to have fun, I do xxxxxx for a living, I love it. Hope you have a great day!", or did you only mean to describe profiles that *literally* used those words? My profile was bare bones, sure. But that doesn't mean I didn't add my personal style to those bones. One doesn't preclude the other. Not literal word but close to it in terms of length. I'm just going based on personal experience that sharing UNIQUE characterstics about yourself and taking a little time to write just a tad bit more about yourself (rather than relying on a picture) just might attract a different crowd. A crowd that is a little more serious about meeting someone they connect with and isn't just looking to go on any date with a girl or just looking for physical attraction, or for a random hook up. I've found a lot more success, and had other close friends experience this as well, by targeting profiles that have more about themselves that you can identify with and start a conversation about. If it's just your picture and few words, how does a man start an intelligent and thoughtful conversation with you? Btw, being born w/ xx chromosomes is what's forced me to have to learn to decipher the intentions of men, not the lack of info on my online dating profile. Besides having experimented with both types of profile, I can assure you the pervs come out in droves either way. There's always going to be bad apples and the typically seem very abundant. This is the case when you don't allow yourself to "market" to the type of man looking for similar things because those guys aren't spamming girls online, they're looking for a specific type of girl they connect with. What if there are a bunch of guys looking for a girl like you, but never email you because they didn't that idea about you or that commong interest about you from your profile? Oh man don't get me started. "Looking for a good hearted man" (I'm seeing this headliner a lot) A profile that looks like more of a list of terrorist demands of a bitter woman who is already ticked off at the men who had emailed her already. "If you're under (X height) do NOT email me!" If you're a JERK/Player/Alcoholic/Drug User, do NOT email me" The BIG ones are the 1. The Return Veterans 2. Continually and chronically single I seen one where she said, "Yep, I'm back on here again, giving this another shot, it seems last time I wasn't happy with the men who emailed me, and the local guys here are too young for me (she was a 35 year old waitress, of course you'll have young guys hitting on you, because you're the only 35 year old waitress at Shennanigans, lol, and the only guys there (and your co workers) are all college aged. Or the ones that, over a period of time, put *UPDATE* and add a paragraph of bitterness, scolding men who ever read her profile. To supplement the "Oh, I've never done this before", sometimes they'll pin their dating profile on their friends, "My friends put me up to this". I've even known friends to put the dating profile ont he site FOR their friend. Couldn't agree more, there's plenty of these profiles and they're hard to read. That's why I would take a month or two off from dating once things got a little rough for me ever so often, kept me optimistic and allowed me not to become bitter. Yeah, I figured that sometimes less is more. Why give it ALL away in a dating profile? Leave it to the email correspondence. You don't have to give anything away, you don't need to write you life story, but giving people something that is a little interesting or unique about who you are as a person could be a major chemistry factor or conversation starter. Here's my example: General bland statement about yourself: I'm a huge baseball fan, I like going to ball games. (great, who doesn't? there's a lot of guys who like baseball and most people like going to a ball game for fun) Unique statement: I'm a big fan of baseball and I really enjoy trying out new baseball stadiums. I've been to 11 different stadiums, mostly in the midwest, and I have plans to take trips to the east coast to visit some of the ballparks out there, particularly the new Yankee stadium in NY! (It's not a life story, it just says a little more about who you are, specifically what you like about baseball, and gives a clear example of what you like to do for fun and you actually make plans to do it). I made the mistake early on in dating of hiding things about myself, good and bad, because I fell into this very belief of "not giving it all way and being mysterious". This hurt me because it wouldn't allow women to CONNECT with me. Unique things about you, your experiences, your likes/dislikes, are what people connect and identify with. These are the things people fall in love with because they're unique to you as a person. Edited February 16, 2011 by GivenUp0083
Cee Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 This may sound strange, but I have been most burned by men with the most literate and well written profiles. I have a theory that a profile that is too elegant might mean the person has impossible standards in a date. Or he's too in love with his own sexy brain. I dated a guy with a blank profile once. The profile had one picture and a 96% match based on the many OKC questions. We were highly compatible intellectually and dated for six weeks. He was enmeshed with his ex so I broke it off, but I still consider it one of my most positive OKC dating experiences.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 This may sound strange, but I have been most burned by men with the most literate and well written profiles. I have a theory that a profile that is too elegant might mean the person has impossible standards in a date. Or he's too in love with his own sexy brain. I dated a guy with a blank profile once. The profile had one picture and a 96% match based on the many OKC questions. We were highly compatible intellectually and dated for six weeks. He was enmeshed with his ex so I broke it off, but I still consider it one of my most positive OKC dating experiences. Too much either way can be bad. It's all about opening up OPPORTUNITIES. Online dating isn't a solution to finding the right person, it's an opportunity to meet the right person. It's up to your judgment to determine if someone is a good fit. By being too vague you limit your opportunity to meet a guy who shares interests with you but wouldn't know it by reading your vague profile. Too detailed gives away too much and doesn't give a guy a chance to start a conversation with you because you said it already. My point is to give a little bit of uniqueness to open up opportunities. There's no perfect profile that guarantees you'll meet "the one". All online dating is for is to give yourself a chance to meet someone that could be a good fit.
irc333 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Yeah, it does seem more conversational, in the past I would just give vague ideas of what I do. Like Kayaking. After that, I'd even talk about particular parks or specific events I like to go kayaking, and if they like kayaking, too, then I ask them what parks are their favorite parks to kayak...and I'd also talk about a particular kayaking experience that I had. (sometimes still no response, but I've gotten more responses...and I have gotten more profile views, and even compliments on my pictures...the pictures show me out doing things as oppose to me sitting in a chair smiling. I even threw in a Halloween party pic with me in costume amongst other people. Pics showing me having some kind of comradere (sp?) which makes the person thing, "That guy looks like he's a fungi!" Now you talked about sending emails to women that fit to me like a "T" or something. I swear, I'd email a woman that was my TOTAL match....even in obscure nerdy things, like Monty Python or some obscure things that only me and her kind (in such a limited niche of interests)..that only me and her would "get". I'm a big Sci-Fi nerd, and I suppose I tend to get elated when I see a fellow nerd that's into the same stuff most women can't stand. lol So I attempt to converse about Sci-Fi or other nerdy activities they like to partake in.....I would be indeed suprised that I wouldn't get a response actually....leaves me scratching my head. Of course, there's probably umpteen nerdy guys looking for a girlfriend that would have no quams wearing a Slave Leah outfit to a convention....checking out her profile as well, so she'll be bombarded by lonely nerdy guys as well, thinking, "If I could only find a dream girl that enjoys Star Wars with as much passion as I do! The ladies that I meet at the bar/clubs only know that Luke Skywalker is a musician or band!" LOL There's always going to be bad apples and the typically seem very abundant. This is the case when you don't allow yourself to "market" to the type of man looking for similar things because those guys aren't spamming girls online, they're looking for a specific type of girl they connect with. What if there are a bunch of guys looking for a girl like you, but never email you because they didn't that idea about you or that commong interest about you from your profile? Couldn't agree more, there's plenty of these profiles and they're hard to read. That's why I would take a month or two off from dating once things got a little rough for me ever so often, kept me optimistic and allowed me not to become bitter. You don't have to give anything away, you don't need to write you life story, but giving people something that is a little interesting or unique about who you are as a person could be a major chemistry factor or conversation starter. Here's my example: General bland statement about yourself: I'm a huge baseball fan, I like going to ball games. (great, who doesn't? there's a lot of guys who like baseball and most people like going to a ball game for fun) Unique statement: I'm a big fan of baseball and I really enjoy trying out new baseball stadiums. I've been to 11 different stadiums, mostly in the midwest, and I have plans to take trips to the east coast to visit some of the ballparks out there, particularly the new Yankee stadium in NY! (It's not a life story, it just says a little more about who you are, specifically what you like about baseball, and gives a clear example of what you like to do for fun and you actually make plans to do it). I made the mistake early on in dating of hiding things about myself, good and bad, because I fell into this very belief of "not giving it all way and being mysterious". This hurt me because it wouldn't allow women to CONNECT with me. Unique things about you, your experiences, your likes/dislikes, are what people connect and identify with. These are the things people fall in love with because they're unique to you as a person.
irc333 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Oh this just in...saw this profile where a woman made a reference to "The Davinci Code" (that's a popular mention in a dating site) And...that she's been to 14 countries so far. She also said she rode a mechanical bull for the first time a few months ago. (I suppose that's unique)
LifesBeachy Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 "I don't know what to say about myself/I don't like talking about myself." Who does? It's understood. "I like to have fun" Who doesn't? It's understood. "I like all kinds of music...." Do you like polka? Children singing ecclesiastical songs and hymns? Ethiopian throat singing? No? Wait, thought you said all kinds. "I HATE drama!!!!11" ..Doesn't such strong language conjure karmic drama in your own mind? Honestly, I never believe that they really evade or damper any sort of drama "if you're a bitch, don't reply!!!" Colour me curious in wondering if that's the only type that would respond to this type of ad..
irc333 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 OH, another one..."Height is important to me, you must be 6 feet or taller, I am 5'4', but I also wear heels!" (notice they count their heel size as part of their own height) lol
Author jane100 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 This may sound strange, but I have been most burned by men with the most literate and well written profiles. I have a theory that a profile that is too elegant might mean the person has impossible standards in a date. Or he's too in love with his own sexy brain. Yes, i think i know what you mean ...
january2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 Maybe I should start putting, "I like to drink water and I couldn't live without breathing air, and you must be able to breathe air, too." I also like wearing shoes, because they keep my feet safe from the ground. And when I write, I like to use either a pen or a pencil. I tempted to use these lines.
irc333 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Another one! "I'm shy what's I get to know you, I'm a chatter box" or any variation of the mention of how they'r shy....at FIRST.
Emilia Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Another one! "I'm shy what's I get to know you, I'm a chatter box" or any variation of the mention of how they'r shy....at FIRST. yeah I know... I'm sure a good time is guaranteed with someone who is making an excuse already before meeting you
irc333 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 Don't forget to mention "The Philosophizer" lol Almost their entire profile sounds like you're listening to Socrates than actually describing herself or they sound like they're giving sound advice on life. The "Greeting card" profile. Where they are trying to impress you with their romantic writing talents, well, they're probably expecting some kind of fantasy to respond to them if they write in that fashion.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 OH, another one..."Height is important to me, you must be 6 feet or taller, I am 5'4', but I also wear heels!" (notice they count their heel size as part of their own height) lol Yeah, I know height is an issue with some women. But I figure it's just them doing the hard part FOR me....eliminating themselves due to insecurity/requirements. I know I wouldn't want to date a girl with a requirement as silly as being 6ft tall, and I sure don't want to meet someone who I don't "fit" her standards. You just need to find a girl who doesn't mind. My girl is 5'5", wears heels a lot and when she does sometimes she may even be a tad taller than me at 5'8". It doesn't bother either of us. I always think of it this way: When I see these women with their requirements, I imagine them sitting at home, going to parties alone, and not having a date on valentines day, while the girl I'm with put those requirements aside and got to meet a great dude that treats her well, is fun to be with, and took her out to a nice dinner on valentines day to tell all her friends about.
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