on NO. ABout my " devastated" thread.... News....

January 27, 2011

OKay, so this has happened to TWO people. Great. Just great.

See - my paranoia IS warranted! SOme people are such dickheads, that they haver nothing BETTER to do than actuallg spend their own time on other people who they do NOT EVEN KNOW.

Seriously - I hate being embrrassed. So a situation like this should the worst be true, would mortify me. I have had to face such humiliating situatins in my life, and I do not deserve to go through it again, especially with a hot guy whom I do not even know!

And I WON"T invest my feelings in this person, IF he ever contacts me again!@ How the heck do you guys know if I easily invest my emotions?

I seldom feel the urge to tell guys my feelings, and the idea of a relationship makes me sick right now - a serious relationship is NOT something I want for a good long time.

However, I need casual sex, and my thread was not relfective that I get ammotionally attatched to guys; I was EMBARRASSED at making a food of myself.I HATE doing it.

LET me re hash - I was socially isolated for 5 years, and in October, the first guy in 5 years told me I was pretty. I AM a person who NEEDS regular sex - I was SO excited that this VERY hot guy, wanted to have casual sex.

However, I acted socially aborrant and scared him off; my lack of contact with PEOPLE in general, caused me to be tooinept to deal with this guy.

Now, the guy I wrote the thread about is the SECOND guy who has said anything to me in 5 years; frankly, I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to start having casual sex with guy. After I get to know them a little, but not on a deap emotional level ( Just so I can be myself around them).

And then, once again, I call one too many times, and scare him off; OF COURSE I am VERY ANGRY at myself, for once again, almost being able to have sex again after SO MANY years without it, only to have my high hopes DASHED, due to my OWN error of judgment!

I like sex, and I do get VERY upset if after 5 darn years, I finally find some hot guy who may have sex with me casually, only to blow my chances! It is not only EMBARRASSING to make a fool of myself, it is ANNOYING to think I am getting sex, and then have that hope taken away.

This is about sex to me; I am not waiting for a long term relationship for many reasons, and there is not a chance in hell I am going without sex for another 5 years, YEAH RIGHT.

So, short of having a committed, serious relationship, casual sex is my only option, cos I do not do one night stands.

And I feel NO desire to share my feelings or my problems or anything meaningly about me to these guys I want to have casual sex with - I just want basic conversation with them, and to be able to HAVE basic conversation, enough that we enjoy at least being around one another.

All I ask is for a hot guy, who finds me gorgeous, who I can at least have basic conversation with, who I can have sex with for a month at a time, before ending it and finding other guys.

Again, I would hate to talk about my emotions to these men, so I don't think any one has a right to assume I would spill my heart to a CASUAL sex relationship? That would be ridiculous for me to do!

I tell my friends so much, and my mum, AND MY PHSYCHOLOGIST; honestly, I tell these people everything, so I have no need for a guy, to use to spill my soul to.

January 27, 2011

Copy/pasting your conversations was probably not the best thing you could have done…. Had I been in his shoes, I would not respond favorably. Then again, I don’t think he appears to be someone who would mind the extra attention, so who knows.

Still, I hope **most** people would have the decency NOT to interfere.

What's done is done.

I realize it was an error of judgment on my part, however, it WAS a mistake, and I feel sorry about it, and do not deserve to be reprimanded or punished because of it.

The guy did send me messages last night - he is not as keen as when we first spoke, and a lot of his friends were bashed apparently when he was out, so perhaps tiredness and just being normal person caused him to send me those msgs, that lackded his original interest level.

QUESTION: STAR - do you think he would have bothered sending me ANY msgs again at all on face book, if some on one love shack HAD shown him my thread? Maybe he saw it, thought I was crazy a bit, and actually is more intrigued?

I mean, crazy people normally turn guys off, but perhaps some guys actually like girls who are a little different lol!

I am just mortified that some horrible person could actually do this to me. I AM SURE some one HAS shown him something about me.

January 27, 2011

I read the last thread before it was deleted and I want to echo the chorus of concern in this thread.

Please, go slow. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Casual sex can sound like a good idea, but there are emotional and physical consequences. A casual sex experience can so easily go bad.

I suggest you go slow and start to flirt and socialize with men and go on a date.

A simple date.

Casual sex is something that will be available to you for the rest of your life if you so choose.

But if you must do casual sex... try to be safe about it. Do it with someone you know (not a stranger), be completely sober, use protection.

I don't want to scare you, but I know women who have been roofied, raped, inpregnated, given an STD, or emotionally scarred by engaging total strangers alone in a room.

I know I sound like a mother, but I know your Mum is not going to say this stuff to you. So I am.

Leigh, be careful. And always put yourself first.

January 27, 2011

Leigh 87 I highly encourage you to stop adding to this thread.

By continuing to draw more and more attention to your concern, you are tempting people to do exactly that which you fear.

January 27, 2011

WHY WOULD ANY ONE WANT to though! It would really upset and humiliate me.

Also - he sent me a couple of short msgs today - so why would he be bothered talking to me at all, if he thinks I am a psycho that talked about him on this website?

I have a gut feeling some one has told him about me, so that is why I amworried that he is still bothering to talk to me - unless he is planning something mean, why would he bother talking to a chick who went on some website he has no idea about, to talk about him?

January 27, 2011

WHY WOULD ANY ONE WANT to though! It would really upset and humiliate me.

Also - he sent me a couple of short msgs today - so why would he be bothered talking to me at all, if he thinks I am a psycho that talked about him on this website?

I have a gut feeling some one has told him about me, so that is why I amworried that he is still bothering to talk to me - unless he is planning something mean, why would he bother talking to a chick who went on some website he has no idea about, to talk about him?

What exactly has prompted this gut feeling? So far, I haven't seen any indication that something like that happened.

January 27, 2011

on his face book wall, I checked for any evidence of people from love shack adding hima s a friend, and I saw a comment he wrote about 13 hours ago, that said

" girls r damn crazy"

And then, that night, he ended up sending me a couple of msgs, just normal msgs - nothing indicated he knew about this website at all.

If he knows, he has not confronted me.

He was out all the previous night, and I do not know him at all, so for all I know, he could be seeing a girl who perhaps an EX of his was the crazy girl he was inferring to; but I have a bad feeling it was me?

This is why I am perplexed as to why he is bothering to even send me a msg on face book - if he thinks I am crazy for comming to love shack and asking for advice ( he does not seam like the type of guy who knows abiut places like love shack to be honest), then why would he still send me msgs on face book?

My guess, is he may be really angry that I went and gave out his face book page details, and is going to get back at me. To do this, he has to pretend to want to talk to me.

January 27, 2011

Also - he sent me a couple of short msgs today - so why would he be bothered talking to me at all, if he thinks I am a psycho that talked about him on this website?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because HE DOESN'T THINK THIS.

January 27, 2011

I read the last thread before it was deleted and I want to echo the chorus of concern in this thread.

Please, go slow. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Casual sex can sound like a good idea, but there are emotional and physical consequences. A casual sex experience can so easily go bad.

I suggest you go slow and start to flirt and socialize with men and go on a date.

A simple date.

Casual sex is something that will be available to you for the rest of your life if you so choose.

But if you must do casual sex... try to be safe about it. Do it with someone you know (not a stranger), be completely sober, use protection.

I don't want to scare you, but I know women who have been roofied, raped, inpregnated, given an STD, or emotionally scarred by engaging total strangers alone in a room.

I know I sound like a mother, but I know your Mum is not going to say this stuff to you. So I am.

Leigh, be careful. And always put yourself first.

CEE - that is exactly what I am going to start off with; going on a date and trying to learn how to have fun flirting with men. I will wait until I get along well with a guy before going down the casual sex, of casual relationship route.

Besides enjoying their company, on a non deap , superficial level, I would like a physical relationship, but one with out investing in emotions; without telling them things about me that are too personal.

WIth casual sex, I think you do need to be quiet adament that it is just sex, but conducted in a way in which the two parties involved are civil and respectful of one another. So it is not a one night stand - as the two people have gotten to know each other, enough to know that they at least enjoy each others company on a very basic level.

I would not feel right having a one night stand with a guy who I do not even get along well with, in terms of conversation.

January 27, 2011

on his face book wall, I checked for any evidence of people from love shack adding hima s a friend, and I saw a comment he wrote about 13 hours ago, that said

" girls r damn crazy"

And then, that night, he ended up sending me a couple of msgs, just normal msgs - nothing indicated he knew about this website at all.

If he knows, he has not confronted me.

He was out all the previous night, and I do not know him at all, so for all I know, he could be seeing a girl who perhaps an EX of his was the crazy girl he was inferring to; but I have a bad feeling it was me?

This is why I am perplexed as to why he is bothering to even send me a msg on face book - if he thinks I am crazy for comming to love shack and asking for advice ( he does not seam like the type of guy who knows abiut places like love shack to be honest), then why would he still send me msgs on face book?

My guess, is he may be really angry that I went and gave out his face book page details, and is going to get back at me. To do this, he has to pretend to want to talk to me.

I think you are giving yourself much too much importance in his life. It takes alot of work to "get back at someone". Why bother unless its someone you have alot invested in the relationship and the transgression was really extreme? I don't see that here. A cheating spouse would rate but not this.

And most people would pick up the phone and give you hell about it. Not engage in some super secret plot to enact revenge. Most people act in the heat of anger. It's rare for someone to coldly plot. And again - the cold plot takes too much time and effort for this situation.

And in the minds of men, girls are crazy. On a daily basis, lol! It could be anything from his sister to a checkout lady. It could be an ex of his or a girlfriend of a friend. The chance that it is you is slim to none.

And for someone you plan to ditch in about a month anyway, this is too much emoting over. Relax.

January 27, 2011

on his face book wall, I checked for any evidence of people from love shack adding hima s a friend, and I saw a comment he wrote about 13 hours ago, that said

" girls r damn crazy"

I think this frequently. It's a normal part of daily life for boys.

This is why I am perplexed as to why he is bothering to even send me a msg on face book - if he thinks I am crazy for comming to love shack and asking for advice ( he does not seam like the type of guy who knows abiut places like love shack to be honest), then why would he still send me msgs on face book?

My guess, is he may be really angry that I went and gave out his face book page details, and is going to get back at me. To do this, he has to pretend to want to talk to me.

You're being overly suspicious of his motive for not being horrible to you. Why are you going out of your way to invent a drama? Isn't it more likely that he's sending you perfectly normal messages because he's a perfectly normal guy who isn't in any way annoyed or upset with you?

Why would you "guess" that he's angry with you and that he's going to get back at you when he's sending you perfectly normal, calm, friendly messages? Why is that the most likely outcome? (clue: it isn't)

You don't really want him to like you, do you? So you're imagining that he already doesn't like you despite there being no evidence to support this and some evidence to support the opposite view.

January 27, 2011

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because HE DOESN'T THINK THIS.

I would be thrilled and SO relieved if no one did tell him about me and this website.

However, his comment on face book saying : girls r damn crazy" concinves me, he is aware of it, and one of two things has happened;

He is not repulsed enough to ignore me, but has lessened his interest and backed off a little ( his latest messages on face book are of low intersted, where as his initial messages suggested he was very interested in hanging out and other things...)

OR, the person told him something about me that is so bad, OR he is just really annoyed at what I did, that he is talking to me so he can arrange some sort of nasty thing to do, to get me back.

He asked me where I was going tonight ( I told him I was going out), and I STUPIDLY told him where I was going.

I FEAR that he is now planning to show up, and deliberately try to do something nasty - such as get a hot female friend of even a girl he is seeing, and make out with her in front of me - just to try to make me feel bad.

People have conspired against me in high school, cos I was chubby and ahd bad skin and just plain ugly. So I do not want to be put through it again in my adult life.

He is not the type of person who knows that websites like love shack exist, and so if a person has told him about what I did, he MAY be so freaked out, that he is compelled to get back at me.

Some one did it to STAR! and another poster!

January 27, 2011

Thanks guys for trying to appease me. It has worked, some what.

You are right - I am just a girl he thought was gorgeous, who he talked to on face book, and became interested in getting to know further.

We met once, and know nothing about eachother - so why would he bother plotting some sort of scheme against me?

Although, it would be easy enough for him to show up at the club I am going to, to play out something mean that he thinks would upset me.

But if he is a normal person, he would not bother with me AT ALL, if he thougth I was some loser that was not worth bothering with.....

He would have to be pretty p*ssed to bother to upset me with a plan, even if the plan is easy for him to carry out.

January 27, 2011

And in the minds of men, girls are crazy. On a daily basis, lol!

Glad I'm not the only one thinking this.

Just today alone I can think of interactions with 3 girls who could easily have prompted me to write "girls are batsh)t crazy" and that doesn't include anyone from this forum.

January 27, 2011

Leigh, I think you have emotional relationships confused with serious relationships where partners share everything about themselves.

You say you don't want to get emotionally attached (which me and plenty of other people here would argue that isn't possible for you right now), but you make it sound like you just don't want to share personal issues with the guy you are having sex with.

Not sharing secrets is fine and all, but don't think that because you choose not to share your secrets with him that you won't get emotionally attached anyway. Sharing secrets and developing feelings are two completely different things.

Just by reading this thread and the other one, there is plenty of evidence that you WILL get attached to this guy, or any other guy you try to have an NSA relationship with.

I mean look, in a real NSA relationship, you would be able to walk away at any time. You haven't screwed this guy at all and you can't just leave this situation alone.

January 27, 2011

Haha - glad to hear that his crazy comment could very well be about a large cross section of potential females; I suspect it is a girl of his age though, as he is around girls a lot, by the sounds of him!

It would be considered crazy, the fact that I came on love shack and wrote so much about my situation with a guy I do not even know.

The truth is, that I am a very quiet and shy person, and simply lack some social skills with men, due to never talking with them. I called this particular guy too many times, and was very embarrassed at my actions.

I came here for support and future advice about how to better handle myself with men, because I was unsure, and wanted people to help me.

I do not think asking for help about a situation with a guy is crazy, however, some guys do not know about placces like love shack; they do not know that perfectly normal and successful people come online to ask for advice and give advice.

January 27, 2011

I will tell u exactly how I feel; this is what I told my therapist last night:

I am a hedonist, and live for the taste of good food, and the pleasure of great regular sex; I do not like going without sex.

Unfrotunately, I have gone without sex for over 5 years, because I was dealing with personal issues.

Now, I REALLY want to have sex ( albiet, I have standards, and would rather wait even longer for sex, than settle for a guy who does not respect me and who I do not like to be around, and who I do not want badly)

I REALLY want sex, but have not go the attention of ANY guy, in YEARS. ONE guy paid me attention in October. That did nto work out.

Now, the reason I am SO SO SO angry about all this and am making such a big deal, is simple: I WANT CASUAL SEX WITH A SUITABLE GUY, and ASFTER FIVE YEARS, I was REALLLY REALLY REALLY looking forward to this potential guy being a good match for me!

I got VERY happy that this guy was interested because I was REALLY looking forward to possible having casual sex with him.

After years without sex, I was REALLY looking forward to flirting with a guy and having fun.

I was from really looking forward to thinking that I was finally going to get to have casual sex, to suddenly having my hopes dashed, by calling him too much and freaking him out.

I was just looking forward to getting to hang out with a guy who I could have sex with. I have wanted that for YEARS now, and am getting VERY upset without sex in my life, and thought I was going to get it at last.

Leigh, I think you have emotional relationships confused with serious relationships where partners share everything about themselves.

You say you don't want to get emotionally attached (which me and plenty of other people here would argue that isn't possible for you right now), but you make it sound like you just don't want to share personal issues with the guy you are having sex with.

Not sharing secrets is fine and all, but don't think that because you choose not to share your secrets with him that you won't get emotionally attached anyway. Sharing secrets and developing feelings are two completely different things.

Just by reading this thread and the other one, there is plenty of evidence that you WILL get attached to this guy, or any other guy you try to have an NSA relationship with.

I mean look, in a real NSA relationship, you would be able to walk away at any time. You haven't screwed this guy at all and you can't just leave this situation alone.

January 27, 2011

I will tell u exactly how I feel; this is what I told my therapist last night:

I am a hedonist, and live for the taste of good food, and the pleasure of great regular sex; I do not like going without sex.

Unfrotunately, I have gone without sex for over 5 years, because I was dealing with personal issues.

Now, I REALLY want to have sex ( albiet, I have standards, and would rather wait even longer for sex, than settle for a guy who does not respect me and who I do not like to be around, and who I do not want badly)

I REALLY want sex, but have not go the attention of ANY guy, in YEARS. ONE guy paid me attention in October. That did nto work out.

Now, the reason I am SO SO SO angry about all this and am making such a big deal, is simple: I WANT CASUAL SEX WITH A SUITABLE GUY, and ASFTER FIVE YEARS, I was REALLLY REALLY REALLY looking forward to this potential guy being a good match for me!

I got VERY happy that this guy was interested because I was REALLY looking forward to possible having casual sex with him.

After years without sex, I was REALLY looking forward to flirting with a guy and having fun.

I was from really looking forward to thinking that I was finally going to get to have casual sex, to suddenly having my hopes dashed, by calling him too much and freaking him out.

I was just looking forward to getting to hang out with a guy who I could have sex with. I have wanted that for YEARS now, and am getting VERY upset without sex in my life, and thought I was going to get it at last.

You've said this plenty of times. We get it. My point still stands though.

Since you haven't gotten laid in so long and since you aren't very social, you will undoubtedly develop feelings for the guy you eventually get involved with. You will develop an emotional attachment, even if you don't share any of your personal stuff with him.

You can't convince me otherwise.

January 27, 2011

I called this particular guy too many times, and was very embarrassed at my actions.

You're not the only person who has done this. I'll tell you a true story:

A platonic female friend of mine was dating a guy who I also know. They were in a non-exclusive relationship for a long time where, for the most part, neither of them saw anybody else... and it was broadly understood (whenever anyone asked them) that they weren't exclusive and they weren't boyfriend/girlfriend and they weren't a couple. (We weren't always convinced.)

Then he got a girlfriend. My female friend was gutted. She called him, and left a message. When he didn't reply she called him again and left a message. When he didn't respond to that she called him again and left a message. Some hours later she had called him several more times. She called me and all of her other friends to find out what she should do (which should've been to stop calling him, of course) and by the time another friend went to her and took the phone from her hands she had called him about 40 times and left over an hour's worth of voice messages. He wasn't pleased.

So, what you did was really minor. Be embarrassed, a bit, but don't sweat it.

January 27, 2011

Oh, man, I wasn't always zen. I've definitely blown up a guy's phone before, in my younger days. It happens. OP, you need to stop being so paranoid and stop beating yourself about this. Just chill. You'll be better off.

January 27, 2011

Oh really, thanks so much for that story! I feel like I did less damage now.

The guy did say he was keen to hang with me, and I called about 5 times tops during the whole day.

After the calls, I did not instigate anything else of course; I waited for him to send me a msg on face book, which he did. So I went into damage control,and stopped any further contact with him, and let him start any contact.

So far, he has contacted me, and I have just sent basic responses.

MOMO - I am not saying I can predict the future, you may be right. I do not NEED other people though, I am simply bored of NOT having any people in my life; I am happy on my own, but I am at a point where I need to be around guys, flirting and having fun.

I crave the social interaction, and I crave the flirting and fun side of it - feeling attractive, feeling pretty, feeling gorgeous to a guy. it is flattering and fun, having the thought of sex on your mind, while talking to men, who are interested in you in a physical sense.

January 27, 2011

Oh, man, I wasn't always zen. I've definitely blown up a guy's phone before, in my younger days. It happens. OP, you need to stop being so paranoid and stop beating yourself about this. Just chill. You'll be better off.

I wonder how most girls who call a guy too many times conduct themselves AFTER wards; for instance, would a girl who is able to harrass a guy on the phone, able to realize her error, and immediately back off? Or do the types of girls who call guys too many times, tend to keep putting off the guy, so they guy ignored them? I ask this, because, while I did call a few too many times, I have acted normally after wards - only responding to his messages, not initiated anything; I have LEARNT my lesson lol, and am now acting NORMALLY . If the guy is not aware of love shack, it looks like I just put him off a little bit, but not enough for him to totally lose interest in the prospect of sex with me; on the other hand, if he HAS gotten wind of love shack, then after my excessive calls, the love shack thing would have totally put him off, as it would have further cemented my crazy status. In which case, I dunno why is is msging me normally,without mentioning love shack.

January 28, 2011

"feeling attractive, feeling pretty, feeling gorgeous to a guy. it is flattering and fun, having the thought of sex on your mind, while talking to men, who are interested in you in a physical sense. "

Every reason you state for wanting a man is to reassure you of your physical appearance. This is wrong for you on so many levels.

January 28, 2011

I want a man to give me good, regular sex. I need sexual pleasure. I thrive on it, and hate going without a sex life. But a guy has to think I am gorgeous if he is to bother with me - and I am 24 and want to just have with and feel attractive while I still have a young body. I think is is fun to flirt and have guys tell u you are pretty - just fun. What is wrong with wanting a guy to think you are attractive?

January 28, 2011

I wonder how most girls who call a guy too many times conduct themselves AFTER wards; for instance, would a girl who is able to harrass a guy on the phone, able to realize her error, and immediately back off? Or do the types of girls who call guys too many times, tend to keep putting off the guy, so they guy ignored them

When I did it, it was someone with whom the relationship was already frayed anyway. Nothing productive came from it. (He did actually call me back.) But the relationship wasn't in a productive place anyway. If you're always doing it, well, that's an issue; stop it! But if it's once and awhile when you feel insecure, just realize that the guy brings out things you don't like in yourself, and that's probably indicative you're not a match.

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