Even in an LDR,dont break NC:(

[MidnightinMadrid]

Hi LS's

 

I'm back again,I posted a thread about my Argentinian guy and got some good responses,basically letting me know i deserve better,now what do I do because I wanted relief from feeling down,contact him.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t261863/

 

 

I didnt know what to do,seems like I was feeling very alone,no one to really talk to, I had to be honest with myself to why i felt the need to contact someone who apparently doesnt care about me.

 

so I finally got a hold of friend of mine who is usually busy and he said (which is odd,he's a big advocate on NC),just send him one e-mail,say hi,ask him whats up hows he doing and make it short.

 

I always read those online sits on No Contact that people should wait contact a month, to contact, so i think i've done better its been almost four months now. Plus being in an LDR i won't run into him which makes it easier.

So I gave in and listened to my friends advice and shot him a short email saying how hows he doing,hope he's doing well-(He always used to complain about work problems,the bad economy)

Since an email is better than calling,i thought i'd take a chance.

big mistake,i got nothing,no reply,just like last fall he ignored me I believe he's doing it again.

 

Okay I know i'm going to get move on responses,he's moved on, thats fine,I get that. Seriously no one will have to tell me twice again Lesson learned.

however it wouldnt kill him to at least say i'm fine,makes me regret I ever really befriended this jerk and was there for him time at his lowest point when his life was going downhill. This guy,was even suicidal . so I was basically on call ,even when i was at work and school,i always made time for him which i didnt mind thats when I feel for him,and when we spent that magical time together I thought I met my soul mate.

 

Now its a much different story,guess his life is perfect that he's so comfortable with ignoring a simple hello want to see how youre doing message.

The question is,Am i making a mountain out of this? its only been one day i didnt get a reply. However knowing him,one day may turn to few more days then months and nothing. I know bc he always use to respond to my txts,e-mails,or calls,ASAP.

 

 

lesson for me and everyone,curiousity will kill the cat,whatever it is dont break NC,LDR or not.

 

Advice,comments,insights besides move on bc now I will,willl be very much appreciated

 

thanks LS

Edited January 27, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[creighton0123]

You're not making a mountain out of it. Unless he is dead (hopefully not), suddenly dropping someone who attempted to contact you and letting it go that far is inconsiderate, rude, and insulting.

 

You tried to reach out to him. You gave him much longer than most people would (hell, there's no reason anyone in the world with phone/internet can't contact anyone else in the world within a few days).

 

You're not making a mountain out of this, at least not irrationally.

 

Seriously, you need to find someone, friend or otherwise, who is going to treat with you with a little damn respect. Don't consider it "moving on". His treatment in the end indicated that there's nothing to move on from.

 

Live your life, keep your eyes open, and find someone to love who deserves a person as patient and caring as you. Leave this douche in the dust where he belongs.

[lala82]

I had a LDR with an Argentinean guy for 4 months. We had a nice time, he used to care about me a lot and we never argued. However, last month we had our first argument. Since then, he has not connected on msn. I tried to contact him. In fact, I sent an e-mail to him, which I tried to solve things between us and I told him that I was planning to move to Buenos Aires this month. He never replied my e-mail like inn your case.

 

Honestly, I agree with Creighton I think that it is very rude, when someone does not reply an e-mail. At least they should reply to say that they are alive. He never replied my e-mail, I feel good because at least I said what I have to say; but it is he's business if he wants to be angry all his life. Just move on. Let him alone with his silliness.

[aerogurl87]

I've learned from past experience that breaking NC even in a LDR is a very bad idea. I did that with my ex and he actually responded. He also ended up helping to speed up the process in me breaking up with my boyfriend (who I'm back with now) and then tried to get me back after he had treated me horribly for the 6 months we were together. So don't do it. You may think it'll be easier to handle if he does respond because he's far away, but it's not. Those feelings will come back, you'll start falling again, and 9 times out of 10 he will hurt you again. Or maybe you'll get lucky like me and see the red flags before you get caught up again and your head will start working in place of your heart. Either way it's a bad idea UNLESS you can handle just being friends at this point. But if that's not the case continue NC.

[MidnightinMadrid]

Thanks for some replies,i'm glad that I posted on LDR section most people would just dismiss it because its Long distance.

This it means alot and I do read them many times.

 

Its just now I do feel stupid for contacting him. Theres always the unending questions of did he get it or not. One of my friends said,maybe he or better yet his SO must have blocked my mail.

I'd rather believe that then him ignoring me,Again. This doesnt make me feel good,better to be safe,keep your dignity then curious and rejected.

 

Any thoughts?

[folieadeux]

Having read the history of your situation in your prior post, the reason he won't respond is completely irrelevant at this point. You went above and beyond for this guy who has never given you any reason to. LDR or not, you should go NC (and stay that way) and move on.

[MidnightinMadrid]

I Realize that his actions speak for who he is,not if i'm worthy enough,

It is dissapointing though

 

,and i still wonder did i really royally screw up by contacting him?

 

 

hope i get some more replies unless everyone must be having a great time with their LDR they dont want a post like this to bring them down

[TMichaels]

I Realize that his actions speak for who he is,not if i'm worthy enough,

It is dissapointing though

 

,and i still wonder did i really royally screw up by contacting him?

 

 

hope i get some more replies unless everyone must be having a great time with their LDR they dont want a post like this to bring them down

 

How ridiculous.

 

You got four replies, but apparently they weren't what you wanted to hear.

 

Okay. Let me make it five.

 

WHO CARES what he or anyone thinks about him? He's not worth one more second of YOUR time, let alone a complete stranger's.

 

Get over it, and get over him.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[selena_cat]

How ridiculous.

 

You got four replies, but apparently they weren't what you wanted to hear.

 

Okay. Let me make it five.

 

WHO CARES what he or anyone thinks about him? He's not worth one more second of YOUR time, let alone a complete stranger's.

 

Get over it, and get over him.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Hey pal if you dont have anything constructive to say why dont you try keeping it to yourself. You are not helping her nor anyone by being negative. From what I read she never said that she didnt like any of the responses,seems she's asking for more support if anything.

I do agree that the jerk she described is not worth her's or anyone's time. HOWEVER, last time I checked this is a Forum where people seek advice and folks do help one another.

 

Furthermore,You need to come up with something better than the typical get over it rubbish. If it were that easy for people to get over dissapointments whatever that may be, then sites like Loveshack.org. would have been shut down ages ago.

Edited January 29, 2011 by selena_cat

[TMichaels]

Hey pal if you dont have anything constructive to say why dont you keep it to yourself. Youre not helping her nor anyone by being negative,and from what I read she never said that she didnt apreciate anyone replies,seems she needs more support if anything.

 

Hey toots. You seem to have missed the point. Go back and read the sentence that was highlighted in my post.

 

As you well know, (and so should she if she's spent any time browsing at all), the majority of posts about relationships in any forum on this site aren't all about sweetness and light.

 

Sorry... But given that, for the OP to have come to the conclusion that she hadn't gotten more replies because everyone must be having a great time with their LDR and didn't want to read a downer post is ridiculous.

 

As far as my advice? The OP has asked in two different threads what she should do, think or feel. She has been told without exception by others AND by her therapist the guy doesn't deserve the time of day and she needs quit finding excuses to justify his behavior or hers -- yet she continues to do just that.

 

If you'd like to support her in her quest, by all means have a go, as what others have advised obviously isn't the answer she wants to hear.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[selena_cat]

Hey Toots. I have read what you hightlighted and here is mine below,perhaps you should read that too. About people posting more than one thread,suprise,its very common here. Last I heard it wasnt a crime.

.

Thanks for some replies,i'm glad that I posted on LDR section most people would just dismiss it because its Long distance.

This it means alot and I do read them many times

 

Hmm. doesnt sound as though she didnt like the responses,seems the oposite.

As a longtime member here,and with other relationship forums,I have read many threads where people seek other's advice about NC,then come back admitting that they contacted their ex. She did that as well as everyone else and so have I. So who are you,I or anyone to judge,thats the problem

 

I am here to support anyone who comes here for help and understanding because I would want the same thing. While everyone is always entitled to their own opinion, I do however will speak up if I feel someone is being unnecessarily judgemental,my thing is why kick someone when they are already down?

 

 

True there are people here who do follow advice but its unrealistic to think everyone does. Why? because they are human and people do make mistakes. Or else why would LS run the same kind of I broke NC threads.

 

I hope you dont volunteer for crisis hotline or every one would be in trouble.

Edited January 29, 2011 by selena_cat

[MidnightinMadrid]

TMicheals;

 

I totally agree with SC,you are being a bit harsh and judgmental. I never said that i did not appreciate any response that were given. the fact that people took time to respond means something,and yes I would have liked to have more,not because all the previous response was not what i wanted to hear.

I see that it has gotten your attention that I wrote a previous thread,what is wrong with that? I was just letting people know that i contacted him and I realize what a mistake it is and i will continue comming here for advice.

Your response though has some truth about him not worth my time or energy was still judgmental.

Unless you are totally perfect, and have never done something you know you shouldnt good for you.

I on the otherhand regret contacting him and know with that I won't ever do that stupid thing again.

[MidnightinMadrid]

Hey Toots. I have read what you hightlighted and here is mine below,perhaps you should read that too. About people posting more than one thread,suprise,its very common here. Last I heard it wasnt a crime.

.

Thanks for some replies,i'm glad that I posted on LDR section most people would just dismiss it because its Long distance.

This it means alot and I do read them many times

 

Hmm. doesnt sound as though she didnt like the responses,seems the oposite.

As a longtime member here,and with other relationship forums,I have read many threads where people seek other's advice about NC,then come back admitting that they contacted their ex. She did that as well as everyone else and so have I. So who are you,I or anyone to judge,thats the problem

 

I am here to support anyone who comes here for help and understanding because I would want the same thing. While everyone is always entitled to their own opinion, I do however will speak up if I feel someone is being unnecessarily judgemental,my thing is why kick someone when they are already down?

 

 

True there are people here who do follow advice but its unrealistic to think everyone does. Why? because they are human and people do make mistakes. Or else why would LS run the same kind of I broke NC threads.

 

I hope you dont volunteer for crisis hotline or every one would be in trouble.

 

 

Lol,Thank you very much for your support SC! too bad I did not talk to you before I gave that loser more energy than he deserves.

[gator12]

My two cents,

 

There's only one move to do from here on out. NC, it is the only way you can have any hope of healing. The guy didn't respond to you reaching out, he's not worth it then. Maybe he's blocked you maybe he hasn't the fact is it doesn't matter, it isn't right to just ignore somebody like that. You do deserve better than him, and you seem like a very nice lady. The guy isn't worth your time, you need to go into NC and go out, have fun. Meet some guys (good ones preferably) and just have a good time. You're worth so much more than whatever this guy could send you in a response.

 

You've read my thread, the fact is if they ever want you back, nothing in the world will stop them. If it ever gets to that point then fine, but until then you need to live your life and move on. Life is wonderful, and you need to get out there an enjoy it =].

 

All the best

-Gator

[700miles]

Midnight...Thank you for your post! I am struggling with NC after recently ending a LDR. Your experience is a much-needed reminder of why I SHOULDN'T make contact. It doesn't help the hurt...in fact, will probably make things more difficult and return me to square one. I am so sorry that you are going through the heartache again. (still?) Surely time, combined with positive people and activities, will help you to heal.

 

On the other hand, I fully expect to find myself on the receiving end of the NC violation, after talking to our mutual friends. My feelings for him are still strong, but the relationship is not a healthy one. I do not plan to respond, for fear of yet again going back to ground zero. Does that make me rude?

[gator12]

Midnight...Thank you for your post! I am struggling with NC after recently ending a LDR. Your experience is a much-needed reminder of why I SHOULDN'T make contact. It doesn't help the hurt...in fact, will probably make things more difficult and return me to square one. I am so sorry that you are going through the heartache again. (still?) Surely time, combined with positive people and activities, will help you to heal.

 

On the other hand, I fully expect to find myself on the receiving end of the NC violation, after talking to our mutual friends. My feelings for him are still strong, but the relationship is not a healthy one. I do not plan to respond, for fear of yet again going back to ground zero. Does that make me rude?

 

Yes and no, I don't know the circumstances of the breakup so it's hard to say. But if you have no intent of getting back together with him, and that's still the case if he ever comes back then I don't see the harm in one text calmly stating that. Idk, just my opinion.

[MidnightinMadrid]

Thanx Gator,I so appreciate your input since this thread has been sitting on dust for a while,thanks for bringing it up and you sor right he doesnt deserve me.what helps me is knowing he's a N, big time Narcissist,i read lots of articles about them and its better than kicking myself for whatever demise our so call relationship which was always on his terms.I'm slowluy learning.

 

Midnight...Thank you for your post! I am struggling with NC after recently ending a LDR. Your experience is a much-needed reminder of why I SHOULDN'T make contact. It doesn't help the hurt...in fact, will probably make things more difficult and return me to square one. I am so sorry that you are going through the heartache again. (still?) Surely time, combined with positive people and activities, will help you to heal.

 

 

Gracias,700 Miles!

Please take it from me DON't CONTACT him,I am sure your mutual friends will someway relay the message and your feelings to him plus your ex knows how to reach you if he wants to. Its hard to wait I know,but its better to do so and go on then kick yourself for contacting him. Its not being rude,its actually being wise,Have faith!

Edited February 8, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

[gator12]

Yep, it's funny how after a while we begin to see the faults in our relationship. I think this is a reason a lot of people say no to exes who come back. Myself personally, we had a lot of flaws but none that would prevent me from taking her back at this point. Who knows what will happen, we just have to stay strong and be happy. He will contact you at some point, I promise you that. It only gets better.

 

-Gator

[MidnightinMadrid]

I think you may be right Gator,though i'm not sure but I think he may have contacted me in that private number usually that usually shows when he calls from Buenos Aires,i'm not sure but i think it is.

I think he tried to lv a VM but wasnt sure,usually its statick-y when he calls,this time it was worst didnt hear anything.

Hope hope its him or oh well.

 

Its true we find out things about th exes,though i was investigating his selfish behaviour while way when we communicated and read about the N personality. Its better to me than internalizing (blaming myself) the demise of this relationship due to his callous treatment of me.

[gator12]

Congratulations on the contact Midnight. Your patience is beginning to pay off. But remember you CANNOT bite on any of his crumbs until he's levaing a voicemail saying he's sorry and wants to get back together. As hard as it is, you know that's the right thing to do.

 

After a while in NC, you gain the ability to become objective and judge your relationship without all of the emotions in the way. The fact is no relationship is perfect, but heck that's life. Never for once think you're at fault for every problem, a relationship is a two way street, both of you are at fault in one way shape or form. If you guys do get back together the key is to realize these faults and communicate <----really important! That way the same issues don't ruin a second chance like they do in most cases.

 

-Gator