Mixed Signals or Could be Nothing at All but doesn't make it Less Frustrating

January 27, 2011

First off I want to say I'm new here, and thought (and hope this place will be a reasonable one for honest and respectful opinions and insight on a situation i'm dealing with currently)

2ndly, I hope I'm posting this thread in the correct category *ah hehe if not feel free to move it in the correct place

Gah! Okay so here's the deal, I don't know if this is more of a long drawn out question, but I would like anyone's honest take on this.

tried (hence the keyword is TRIED) to make this short without rambling too much XD (which i'll probably end up doing anyways XD )

I feel I have a little dilemma, which in short I've only disclosed with two good friends of mines. And one that's so frustrating that when I think I'm over it, it's like being back to square one. And I feel like banging my head against the wall or a desk.

Okay so for a while now I started to fancy a co-worker at my job that i've been working at for about four to five months now. It would have been okay and something I probably would have gotten over sooner for the simple fact if I knew for sure he was teasingly flirting with me (which i get the feeling he does to an extend but i don't like to sound like I'm making a big deal out of nothing) or just playing around like he does with everyone else.

Oh yea....AND IF I KNEW from the GET GO he was a taken man, married at that. *sighs, grinding teeth, pulling out hair*

So as with how most of these stories go I guess, it started innocent enough. He was friendly, I didn't think too much about it. All the guys are friendly at my job, but I already KNEW AND THEY established at one point or another that they are clearly taken (the majority of them, or I consider them too young for me or clearly too old) for the record I'll soon be 26. And most often then not I'm always hearing some story or other about their women and children.

So even if I was interested in a few of them (as I'm single) I knew they were off limits. Regardless of whether I think a few of them are nice looking I am not trying to pursue a relationship with any of them. (And hell I'm too shy and nervous of a person to even try).

Anyway, along comes this particular co-worker, he's nice, friendly, he talks and treats everyone the same. *Of course at this time I think nothing of this and in turn am nice back.

I suppose my attraction for him being curious as ever about him stems from how he would volunteer a few moments of his time to help me without me even asking at times. And on a few occasions I'll have small talk with him but nothing too personal. Though usually it's him who would start or ask questions and me who'll just answer or reciporate whatever he asked of me.

(I'm like this with everyone, as I stated I'm not really social and quite shy until I feel comfortable around new people, sometimes I think I frown most times and don't think I put myself in a position to be approached by others, (I'm also one of those people whose head is always stuck in the clouds so to speak) which makes me constantly curious as to why people even bother to come up to me and make conversation regardless...eh maybe I'm not as 'threatening' as I tend to think lol ).

Back to my dilemma, after that there was this entire week where I actually lost my voice and went to work (gah that was horrible) and as usual i had a lot of people give advice on what to take, him included. Somehow I liked his idea better as it didn't contain the use of over the counter meds. (I don't like medicine and quite frankly they don't work for me at all).

Again while I was beginning to notice my impending infatuation, which i thought at this time was just ridiculous i didn't know how old he was yet but i knew he was quite older than me, I didn't take his friendliness towards me to mean anything more.

It's after he starts offering me a ride home as I learned we don't live that faraway from each other that my attraction for this guy grows. (I just chalk it up to me being single and probably indulging in fantasy i mean who doesn't?). But it's alright because I never think to actually tell him or trying to go for him, even at this point with more questions thrown back and forth I found out he's like 43...mind you a good looking 43 yr old who I thought was at least maybe in his mid to late thirties. Though I suppose it's funny cause he thought I was in my thirties because of my body shape and maturity??? (which kind of made me raise an eyebrow at the comment of my body but silently laughed at maturity because i'm not what i appear at work when i'm at home but anyway)

After the offers for a ride home which are few in between (as my schedule at work does not ever stay officially consistent damn my manager for this) and even if there are days where i would get off at the same time as him I NEVER asked not once for a ride home from anybody, I'll simply catch the bus as i normally do.

There was this particular day at work where I asked him where an item was in the back for a customer and he was joking around with me, wrapping an arm around me. I shook my head, thinking nothing of the gesture until he says

'i want a hug or a kiss for doing you a favor'

and I'm just like??? Are you serious? But a little part of me is like wth, you know you like him sure okay why not. It's a little flirting, won't hurt much.

He does the favor for me before leaving out and I didn't get a chance to give him a little chaste hug until I came out the store on my way to leave and he offers me a ride home which i take.

at this point I totally forgot about the little jibe of the hug or kiss thing for the small favor when he drops me off at the corner (we were busy talking (and he was asking me things like do i have a boy friend and what not) of my street until he brings it up again. I sigh and said 'alright, alright! one little kiss on the cheek' turn to give him a quick cheek peck then be on my way, but it ends up with him hugging ME and giving me more of a kiss on the cheek, almost near my mouth.

Needless to say, I have totally become strongly infatuated that I know it's going to be a while before I get over it. *sighs* But then I'm constantly wondering was he messing around with me? Was that considered flirting? Did he do that just to get an ego boost? Or dare I think maybe actually like me? But then I'm thinking, nah! Wouldn't work out, he probably thinks I'm not interested much in him since he did joke once that I probably consider someone like him too 'old' for my tastes anyway. (Which under normal circumstances I do). And I'm thinking...wtf could we possibly have in common anyway? Not to mention I still don't know very much about him.

From that point on, he's 'friendliness' turns into him sort of maybe following me around the store, doing what he can to make me look his way, playing around, touching me lightly on the back or shoulder, or back of leg. Striking up conversation with me for just the hell of it. (In my mind I wonder and try to see if he does this with the other females, I still haven't seen it done not even the simple offer for a ride home yet).

There have been other moments too like smiling at me every time I looked his way, I even remember once a little while back before all this began when I came in and started my shift and he was leaving he asked me what my hrs were all the while, smiling, and running his hand through his hair and talking to me trying to hold my attention before he left (as I was busy shifting my attention between him and another co-worker who I was talking to about a game he borrowed from me).

but before he left he stood there at my register for a few seconds as if waiting for me to say something, but I just smiled awkwardly and said good bye. (this is before i really start to notice i fancy this guy so it came off as kind of funny and weird and nothing to put too much thought into at the time until now).

And then comes a day when I'm leaving that he tells me he can't give me a ride (i'm looking like whut? I didn't ask, I NEVER DO NOR WAS I looking for one) because his WIFE is waiting for him. Yes you heard me the Misses! (THIS is where I'm like...G*DD*MN YOU! WHY! So I'm pissed off...)

Yes, I'm pissed off but then I think I never got around to asking him did he have a wife though I also would have ASSUMED dude would have mentioned her in PASSING at least ONCE with all the small talk we did have. (I mean with him talking MORE than me). And the fact I've never saw a ring...ANDDDD the fact that he came off as being the typical single guy, not someone ya know that you've had interactions with you would think wouldn't have someone in their life. That's vital important info for someone who's single ya know!

You know for a female co-worker you consider a simple friend, or even perhaps 'one of the guys?' >_> (I could be making a big deal out of him not telling me he had a wife to begin with but any other time when I'm talking to people be it a man or woman who's involved, they always make mention of their SO, ALWAYS!)

So when I find this out by 'word of god' himself I try my best to ignore him, be indifferent, don't think i even said hi to him i might have but darn it i'm pissed off here.

And even after telling me this vital fact of his SO, he still carries on with what I assume to be his way of flirting with ME. And I give him the cold shoulder and I believe he knows I'm putting him off because he asks 'Why are you being serious' (of course I'm not about to tell him in full detail WHY), I just tightly smile and say I'm not being serious and go back to work, after that he doesn't bother me. Which is a relief and a curse because now I'm fighting to make my crush on him die quickly though i know it ain't going to go so fast.

Though at the end of the day he says bye to me and i simply said bye back. And a couple of days later, it's like the serious mood and silent treatment is gone because while i know i fancy him and trying to make it go away i feel secure to know that maybe he's just a natural flirt and don't think much about it. I can be friendly without resorting to becoming bitchy, I do gotta work with this guy after all. And it's not his fault that I decide to get an attraction to him (unless I am not aware that I have made it very obvious without trying to and he's getting a kick out of it).

But then he goes and say things out of the blue to me. "Like you don't love me anymore,' And I'm just like wth? but i don't comment on it other than 'you're crazy' or 'you joke too much'. Or he'll tease me and I'll laugh it off and go back to work...or he'll begin the process all over again of following me (though less frequently and now that i work hours he's not there, it doesn't happen at all) or touching me. My hand or just a caress of the shoulder. I would say he hugged and kissed my cheek again but i witness this with other women at my job (it was right after new year so I didn't give it much thought).

And the last contact we had was Monday, which it has been some time since he touched me at all. And all because I told him to enjoy his birthday tomorrow, since I knew I would be off that day and he might be off. (Now yea i fancy the guy but I'm good remembering people's birthdays so it wasn't a big deal). And I told him to buy himself something nice.

He said it was sweet of me to say and asked how did I remember, I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders (I mean I'm always remembering someone's birthday it's something I've always done). He came over to me, wrapped his arm around me, turned around for a hug (that i didn't return) and kissed me on the cheek. I just smiled and about to go on my way to start my shift. Because no one told him 'happy birthday'. Though I'm just whatever it's monday, i'm sure he got lots of it on the actual date.

Then he asked me was I working Tuesday, and I said no, as our manager (who can't schedule for nothing) gave me three days off in a row so no one will see mr until friday and the weekend if you worked those days. He goes on to joke (because at this time i now know not to take what he says serious) 'aww now i won't have anybody to hug on my birthday' to which i replied jokingly 'aww poor baby'. As i know full well you have a pretty wife at home waiting on you.

Though through all of this, that's not what has me a little freaked out again (and wondering for the 100th time what is his deal?) He goes on to ask me 'do you have a phone number?' I paused and told him no, he says, you don't like giving out your number it's okay. I said, I really don't have a number (and even though i have a house number dude wth? don't you think for a minute it would be completely awkward for you to call my house where my mom AND my overprotective uncle live? WITH ME?! The constant questions...that will never end and the gossip in my family!? That is stress I don't need thanks.)

Now I don't know much about him and his wife and possibly any children he has as I don't think it's any of my business. And perhaps he has everybody's cell phone numbers at the job and his wife is cool with that. But in the end I'm just thinking 'what could you possibly want to talk to me about?' even if I did give you a number to contact me.

And there's other ways of contacting me like email and facebook and a myspace page i haven't visited in years but i didn't give those out.

A little note on the hug thing: I have given little hugs to a few other guys but they were quick, like buddy buddy hugs like to the side, something you'll give to your cousin. The hugs he's given me were more contact between our fronts and there was a little squeeze in there. (but i try not to put too much emphasis on it as he has hugged other female co-workers)

All in all, maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing because I had indulged in a little fantasy before and after knowing of his martial status. Maybe I'm not. Maybe during all the flirting and finding him attractive before he sprung this news on me (because I swear I don't think I was being obvious at ALL about my infatuation, I treat him the same as I do everybody) I indulged in maybe having a little fling?

The point is, I just want to know if what I've mentioned sounds too far fetched? And if not, maybe the next time dude does something out of the blue or awkward according to me how to deal with it so it doesn't happen again. If there were or still is some form of flirting involved I want to be sure (not because of an ego boost, or trying to secretly get with this man or what have you) but just for clarity's sake because I swear to god nothing's more annoying then being around someone who seems to give off constant mixed signals when you are clearly not giving them the incentive to continue with whatever this is between the two of you when he's clearly spoken for already.

Because GAWD this is frustrating!

Final Notes:

My male friend thinks from everything I told him, that this guy probably does like me, or likes me enough as someone who he can get an ego boost off. Maybe even as far as to think I'm 'easy'?

My female friend didn't really tell me much of what she thought but did try to comfort me as best she could <:3

Oh and aside from me trying to have a boyfriend once which didn't last long, long distance relationship, issues going on and what not and someone i met online years ago. I've never truly been with someone before.

So all of this is new and the reason I'm asking about opinions is because I've never had a man do this towards me before and if so (either being really creepy old men or a very immature young men), I've never taken it serious because i'll get this feeling of being made fun of?? I was never one to make myself stand out of a crowd if you will. Either that or because of my generous bust size 'which gets noticed first' might be thought of a woman who may seem easy on top of someone shy and on occasion maybe a little insecure (but i sure as hell ain't that insecure for someone to try to use me).

So that's my story and i'm sticking to it. >_>

January 27, 2011

Wow, long post!

Well, long and short of it is, this guy is probably flattered that you're showing interest in him, BUT he's married. So, even if you like him, don't go there!! It's a sure fire recipe for disaster, for you , for him, and for his wife (and possibly family if they do have kids).

So, even if he does like you, it really makes no difference.

You're young and single, don't tie yourself up in someone that's not available, you deserve sooooo much better than that. You sound like a really nice, considerate person, and i'm sure you'll find someone that deserves you soon:)

January 27, 2011

*nervous laugh* Yea... I did write a novel length there didn't I? But I wanted it clearly known what was up, without anyone thinking dude was some 'jerk' or I was considering going after him even after knowing he married XD

yea thanks for the advice, no I'm not going there with someone taken. Aww thanks, *sighs* I hope so. It'll certainly take my mind away from this.

January 27, 2011

get a new job. it's that simple. never see or speak to him again- problem solved.

January 28, 2011

Well, I don't know why you haven't had a guy flirting with you before like this. The guy is obviously attracted to you and others must be too. I suppose he is taking risks at work, flirting with women, in a way that other guys wouldn't.

He is married guy who didn't let you know this early on. Yes, it's worth asking but as you say, most people let that information out when talking about family or chores or social life. I don't think he wanted you to know and then thought better of it. He is clearly flirting with you and trying to turn it into more. I think you'd be wise to avoid this turning into an affair. What does it say about him and his attitude to his wife? Or any other women he might come into contact with?

You could turn this into an affair if you wanted to. The opportunity is clearly there. I don't think this would be good for you and I don't think he's acting in your best interests at all, only for his own selfish motives. I don't think you are imagining anything. The only thing you need to decide now is whether you want to mess around with a married man. If you don't, then keep clear of him and make it clear that you see him as off limits. It would be easy enough to do this by mentioning his wife, asking how she is, if he has any children. Once he realises that you see the situation clearly, he'll either back off or try to persuade you it's not such a big deal - that they have an open relationship or his wife doesn't understand him, or something ...

I think you're better off noticing the other guys who are attracted to you. You probably only noticed this one because he was very forward. You may have been unaware of more subtle gestures intended to make initial contact with you and to break the ice. The nice guys who come and talk to you when really they had no need to. Personally, I'd drop this one like a hot cake and start to pay attention to the genuine nice guys who have noticed you but haven't got wives they are planning to cheat on.

January 28, 2011

First off I want to say I'm new here, and thought (and hope this place will be a reasonable one for honest and respectful opinions and insight on a situation i'm dealing with currently)

2ndly, I hope I'm posting this thread in the correct category *ah hehe if not feel free to move it in the correct place

Gah! Okay so here's the deal, I don't know if this is more of a long drawn out question, but I would like anyone's honest take on this.

tried (hence the keyword is TRIED) to make this short without rambling too much XD (which i'll probably end up doing anyways XD )

I feel I have a little dilemma, which in short I've only disclosed with two good friends of mines. And one that's so frustrating that when I think I'm over it, it's like being back to square one. And I feel like banging my head against the wall or a desk.

Okay so for a while now I started to fancy a co-worker at my job that i've been working at for about four to five months now. It would have been okay and something I probably would have gotten over sooner for the simple fact if I knew for sure he was teasingly flirting with me (which i get the feeling he does to an extend but i don't like to sound like I'm making a big deal out of nothing) or just playing around like he does with everyone else.

Oh yea....AND IF I KNEW from the GET GO he was a taken man, married at that. *sighs, grinding teeth, pulling out hair*

So as with how most of these stories go I guess, it started innocent enough. He was friendly, I didn't think too much about it. All the guys are friendly at my job, but I already KNEW AND THEY established at one point or another that they are clearly taken (the majority of them, or I consider them too young for me or clearly too old) for the record I'll soon be 26. And most often then not I'm always hearing some story or other about their women and children.

So even if I was interested in a few of them (as I'm single) I knew they were off limits. Regardless of whether I think a few of them are nice looking I am not trying to pursue a relationship with any of them. (And hell I'm too shy and nervous of a person to even try).

Anyway, along comes this particular co-worker, he's nice, friendly, he talks and treats everyone the same. *Of course at this time I think nothing of this and in turn am nice back.

I suppose my attraction for him being curious as ever about him stems from how he would volunteer a few moments of his time to help me without me even asking at times. And on a few occasions I'll have small talk with him but nothing too personal. Though usually it's him who would start or ask questions and me who'll just answer or reciporate whatever he asked of me.

(I'm like this with everyone, as I stated I'm not really social and quite shy until I feel comfortable around new people, sometimes I think I frown most times and don't think I put myself in a position to be approached by others, (I'm also one of those people whose head is always stuck in the clouds so to speak) which makes me constantly curious as to why people even bother to come up to me and make conversation regardless...eh maybe I'm not as 'threatening' as I tend to think lol ).

Back to my dilemma, after that there was this entire week where I actually lost my voice and went to work (gah that was horrible) and as usual i had a lot of people give advice on what to take, him included. Somehow I liked his idea better as it didn't contain the use of over the counter meds. (I don't like medicine and quite frankly they don't work for me at all).

Again while I was beginning to notice my impending infatuation, which i thought at this time was just ridiculous i didn't know how old he was yet but i knew he was quite older than me, I didn't take his friendliness towards me to mean anything more.

It's after he starts offering me a ride home as I learned we don't live that faraway from each other that my attraction for this guy grows. (I just chalk it up to me being single and probably indulging in fantasy i mean who doesn't?). But it's alright because I never think to actually tell him or trying to go for him, even at this point with more questions thrown back and forth I found out he's like 43...mind you a good looking 43 yr old who I thought was at least maybe in his mid to late thirties. Though I suppose it's funny cause he thought I was in my thirties because of my body shape and maturity??? (which kind of made me raise an eyebrow at the comment of my body but silently laughed at maturity because i'm not what i appear at work when i'm at home but anyway)

After the offers for a ride home which are few in between (as my schedule at work does not ever stay officially consistent damn my manager for this) and even if there are days where i would get off at the same time as him I NEVER asked not once for a ride home from anybody, I'll simply catch the bus as i normally do.

There was this particular day at work where I asked him where an item was in the back for a customer and he was joking around with me, wrapping an arm around me. I shook my head, thinking nothing of the gesture until he says
'i want a hug or a kiss for doing you a favor'

and I'm just like??? Are you serious? But a little part of me is like wth, you know you like him sure okay why not. It's a little flirting, won't hurt much.
He does the favor for me before leaving out and I didn't get a chance to give him a little chaste hug until I came out the store on my way to leave and he offers me a ride home which i take.

at this point I totally forgot about the little jibe of the hug or kiss thing for the small favor when he drops me off at the corner (we were busy talking (and he was asking me things like do i have a boy friend and what not) of my street until he brings it up again. I sigh and said 'alright, alright! one little kiss on the cheek' turn to give him a quick cheek peck then be on my way, but it ends up with him hugging ME and giving me more of a kiss on the cheek, almost near my mouth.

Needless to say, I have totally become strongly infatuated that I know it's going to be a while before I get over it. *sighs* But then I'm constantly wondering was he messing around with me? Was that considered flirting? Did he do that just to get an ego boost? Or dare I think maybe actually like me? But then I'm thinking, nah! Wouldn't work out, he probably thinks I'm not interested much in him since he did joke once that I probably consider someone like him too 'old' for my tastes anyway. (Which under normal circumstances I do). And I'm thinking...wtf could we possibly have in common anyway? Not to mention I still don't know very much about him.

From that point on, he's 'friendliness' turns into him sort of maybe following me around the store, doing what he can to make me look his way, playing around, touching me lightly on the back or shoulder, or back of leg. Striking up conversation with me for just the hell of it. (In my mind I wonder and try to see if he does this with the other females, I still haven't seen it done not even the simple offer for a ride home yet).

There have been other moments too like smiling at me every time I looked his way, I even remember once a little while back before all this began when I came in and started my shift and he was leaving he asked me what my hrs were all the while, smiling, and running his hand through his hair and talking to me trying to hold my attention before he left (as I was busy shifting my attention between him and another co-worker who I was talking to about a game he borrowed from me).

but before he left he stood there at my register for a few seconds as if waiting for me to say something, but I just smiled awkwardly and said good bye. (this is before i really start to notice i fancy this guy so it came off as kind of funny and weird and nothing to put too much thought into at the time until now).

And then comes a day when I'm leaving that he tells me he can't give me a ride (i'm looking like whut? I didn't ask, I NEVER DO NOR WAS I looking for one) because his WIFE is waiting for him. Yes you heard me the Misses! (THIS is where I'm like...G*DD*MN YOU! WHY! So I'm pissed off...)

Yes, I'm pissed off but then I think I never got around to asking him did he have a wife though I also would have ASSUMED dude would have mentioned her in PASSING at least ONCE with all the small talk we did have. (I mean with him talking MORE than me). And the fact I've never saw a ring...ANDDDD the fact that he came off as being the typical single guy, not someone ya know that you've had interactions with you would think wouldn't have someone in their life. That's vital important info for someone who's single ya know!

You know for a female co-worker you consider a simple friend, or even perhaps 'one of the guys?' >_> (I could be making a big deal out of him not telling me he had a wife to begin with but any other time when I'm talking to people be it a man or woman who's involved, they always make mention of their SO, ALWAYS!)

So when I find this out by 'word of god' himself I try my best to ignore him, be indifferent, don't think i even said hi to him i might have but darn it i'm pissed off here.

And even after telling me this vital fact of his SO, he still carries on with what I assume to be his way of flirting with ME. And I give him the cold shoulder and I believe he knows I'm putting him off because he asks 'Why are you being serious' (of course I'm not about to tell him in full detail WHY), I just tightly smile and say I'm not being serious and go back to work, after that he doesn't bother me. Which is a relief and a curse because now I'm fighting to make my crush on him die quickly though i know it ain't going to go so fast.

Though at the end of the day he says bye to me and i simply said bye back. And a couple of days later, it's like the serious mood and silent treatment is gone because while i know i fancy him and trying to make it go away i feel secure to know that maybe he's just a natural flirt and don't think much about it. I can be friendly without resorting to becoming bitchy, I do gotta work with this guy after all. And it's not his fault that I decide to get an attraction to him (unless I am not aware that I have made it very obvious without trying to and he's getting a kick out of it).

But then he goes and say things out of the blue to me. "Like you don't love me anymore,' And I'm just like wth? but i don't comment on it other than 'you're crazy' or 'you joke too much'. Or he'll tease me and I'll laugh it off and go back to work...or he'll begin the process all over again of following me (though less frequently and now that i work hours he's not there, it doesn't happen at all) or touching me. My hand or just a caress of the shoulder. I would say he hugged and kissed my cheek again but i witness this with other women at my job (it was right after new year so I didn't give it much thought).

And the last contact we had was Monday, which it has been some time since he touched me at all. And all because I told him to enjoy his birthday tomorrow, since I knew I would be off that day and he might be off. (Now yea i fancy the guy but I'm good remembering people's birthdays so it wasn't a big deal). And I told him to buy himself something nice.

He said it was sweet of me to say and asked how did I remember, I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders (I mean I'm always remembering someone's birthday it's something I've always done). He came over to me, wrapped his arm around me, turned around for a hug (that i didn't return) and kissed me on the cheek. I just smiled and about to go on my way to start my shift. Because no one told him 'happy birthday'. Though I'm just whatever it's monday, i'm sure he got lots of it on the actual date.

Then he asked me was I working Tuesday, and I said no, as our manager (who can't schedule for nothing) gave me three days off in a row so no one will see mr until friday and the weekend if you worked those days. He goes on to joke (because at this time i now know not to take what he says serious) 'aww now i won't have anybody to hug on my birthday' to which i replied jokingly 'aww poor baby'. As i know full well you have a pretty wife at home waiting on you.

Though through all of this, that's not what has me a little freaked out again (and wondering for the 100th time what is his deal?) He goes on to ask me 'do you have a phone number?' I paused and told him no, he says, you don't like giving out your number it's okay. I said, I really don't have a number (and even though i have a house number dude wth? don't you think for a minute it would be completely awkward for you to call my house where my mom AND my overprotective uncle live? WITH ME?! The constant questions...that will never end and the gossip in my family!? That is stress I don't need thanks.)

Now I don't know much about him and his wife and possibly any children he has as I don't think it's any of my business. And perhaps he has everybody's cell phone numbers at the job and his wife is cool with that. But in the end I'm just thinking 'what could you possibly want to talk to me about?' even if I did give you a number to contact me.

And there's other ways of contacting me like email and facebook and a myspace page i haven't visited in years but i didn't give those out.

A little note on the hug thing: I have given little hugs to a few other guys but they were quick, like buddy buddy hugs like to the side, something you'll give to your cousin. The hugs he's given me were more contact between our fronts and there was a little squeeze in there. (but i try not to put too much emphasis on it as he has hugged other female co-workers)

All in all, maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing because I had indulged in a little fantasy before and after knowing of his martial status. Maybe I'm not. Maybe during all the flirting and finding him attractive before he sprung this news on me (because I swear I don't think I was being obvious at ALL about my infatuation, I treat him the same as I do everybody) I indulged in maybe having a little fling?

The point is, I just want to know if what I've mentioned sounds too far fetched? And if not, maybe the next time dude does something out of the blue or awkward according to me how to deal with it so it doesn't happen again. If there were or still is some form of flirting involved I want to be sure (not because of an ego boost, or trying to secretly get with this man or what have you) but just for clarity's sake because I swear to god nothing's more annoying then being around someone who seems to give off constant mixed signals when you are clearly not giving them the incentive to continue with whatever this is between the two of you when he's clearly spoken for already.

Because GAWD this is frustrating!

Final Notes:

My male friend thinks from everything I told him, that this guy probably does like me, or likes me enough as someone who he can get an ego boost off. Maybe even as far as to think I'm 'easy'?

My female friend didn't really tell me much of what she thought but did try to comfort me as best she could <:3

Oh and aside from me trying to have a boyfriend once which didn't last long, long distance relationship, issues going on and what not and someone i met online years ago. I've never truly been with someone before.

So all of this is new and the reason I'm asking about opinions is because I've never had a man do this towards me before and if so (either being really creepy old men or a very immature young men), I've never taken it serious because i'll get this feeling of being made fun of?? I was never one to make myself stand out of a crowd if you will. Either that or because of my generous bust size 'which gets noticed first' might be thought of a woman who may seem easy on top of someone shy and on occasion maybe a little insecure (but i sure as hell ain't that insecure for someone to try to use me).

So that's my story and i'm sticking to it. >_>

\

Ive read your life story what is your question post is way toooooo long

February 18, 2011

Your story is interesting and I hope to comment on it the following days... for now it is enough telling you that I am living (or lived) a similar case.

A coworker (as you, she was 26 y/o when all this began) and I started to talk (after a year of just seeing each other briefly in the alleys or meetings) innocently, but soon we realized we were too much into each other, despite I am married (in a sexless, loveless and even talkless marriage) and have a teenage daughter, not mentioning I am 45. My colleague was (is) single, pretty, modern, etc. and despite the abundance of good looking, single, young men everywhere, she fell for me and it must have a hard fall because we lived and intense affair, despite our reticence and moral objections. We simply initiated a relationship.

I'll let for later the moral and practical aspects of a relationship of this kind, and just will say this. I never thought that was going to happen and I never would acted on it if I never had seen she was infatuated or in love with me and that she really wished to live a romance with me.

Of course it was an ego boost for me (despite she was hardly the first girl interested in me at work) but I wonder, even this same day, what happened to her to have fell in love with me. I am not a boss, not attractive (I am fit, though), as I said I am married... I have some artistic interests though, and I think this had to do a lot with her infatuation but even so...

I never lied to her and she knew or at least assumed I was married (come on, a middle aged man single?) and honestly I did everything I could to stop the affair. I even "broke up" with her a lot times, knowing not only the dangers and problems of this incipient adventure, but also the fact that it was unfair to her. In a few words, she deserved better.

I know how painful is to love someone unfit for you as if you couldn't do better, and believe me, she could and can. But love is mysterious, and the affair has been going on, after she broke it a few times, I've tried to go away from her a hundred times, and we always get back, mostly as friends, but we know we are more than that...

I really wish she would have stopped herself those earlier days of our romance, because not trying to blame her or anything, she had the power to impede the affair...

I guess what I am trying to say is that despite the strong connection my coworker and I have, I really wish nothing of this had happened, fortunately there weren't serious consequences, like one of us being fired, conceiving a child or commiting ourselves to a future that in the end it proved itself inexistent...

Later and excuse my very poor English as it's not my native language...

Edited February 18, 2011 by Trovador

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