andy in spain Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 So we've been together for 12 years and have a beautiful 5yr old girl. In March of last year I thought she was acting odd and withdrawn, I have always given her the benefit of the doubt when it comes to infidelity, trusted her and believed that coincidences were just that. On that $%&king facebook site (how many broken relationships?) I kept seeing men I didn't know replying to her posts in a flirty manner, she has always been a bit flirty but I didn't think it went any further. She had a problem with her anti-virus and asked me to have a look at her PC. Facebook was open and logged on. I found pornographic messages to two different men and it was obvious that the action had moved from text to telephone. I checked the bill and she had been calling these men on their mobiles as they both had partners. Nice. As these blokes were in England and we live abroad I didn't see that it was such a big deal, more an indicator of something that needs repairing. I was unhappy of course but we talked, I sent messages to these men and they apologised (when I copied in their partners, I didn't feel good about that afterwards, not their fault) and we carried on, I told her that she would have to regain my trust. For a while she was sorry and treated me really well. The thing was that she didn't get the benefit of the doubt anymore and now I don't believe in coincidence. A few months later I looked again, there were lots of messages to her gay friend. This guy is a mate of another man I have seen her flirting with. This man also had a couple of half-hour phone calls to his mobile and in the facebook messages my partner was bemoaning the fact that he's not talking to her any more even though she had bought him some presents. I had called the number earlier with her and she fed him all the right things to say. He stopped talking to her because he knew I was suspicious is my guess. Anyway a big row concluded with me being called mad (sound familiar?) and her parents telling me that she can't take much more of this. There was no concrete proof but it all looked very suspect. All was ok for a few months until my mate visited last October, when he comes over we tend to drink a lot and smoke a lot of jazz fags. It's normal to take a siesta. Now that I am super sensitive to any change I noticed a subtle difference in our relationship, something had changed butween us all but I didn't know what. The day before he was due to visit my partner was in a very bad mood, snipping at me for no reason that I could see. She kept carping after he arrived and was starting to piss me off. In the early afternoon I said I was going to take a siesta, she complained again and went downstairs to take a shower. I didn't have a sleep in the end, I referred to it later and she said, annoyed "you didn't even have a siesta" this was a bit odd so I gave her the WTF look and she knew she had said something stupid. When we went to bed that night I noticed that after her shower she had put on some fancy matching underwear that I hadn't seen for a long time, I mentioned it and she acted nervous. I put it down to the smoke, can make you paranoid. A couple of months later and she starts to make digs about my weight, I am overweight but not by much and so is she, I thought it was really strange as she has never done it before. I've been having some problems at work and so all my other problems seem worse and I can't get this thing with my best friend out of my mind. He's really skinny and fit by the way. So I haven't yet confronted her with my latest suspicion, I need to catch her out. I've ordered a thing to monitor her PC, I don't like doing that and if after a month or two there is no evidence I will remove it. Once that is loaded I will confront her with it. I'll tell her I'm going to fly and see my mate and ask him about it. If she's guilty she will contact him and beg him not to tell. If there's nothing in it she won't be at all bothered. Wish me luck, it all kicks off this Saturday. Feels good to write it down,
z00m25 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 well best of luck to you. if she is doing the things she is doing it doesnt sound like theres much sense to keep her around. And honestly you are probably going to find something. I did the same thing after i saw my ex had left her facebook up and there was a flirty convo from someone at her work. It drove me completely insane and when she told me it was nothing and not to worry i knew i could never trust her again. She wasnt cheating on me yet but i know it was only a matter of time. But seeing whatever it is your going to see is more than likely only going to hurt you more than when you confront her with it. Thats only my opinion but if there are this many trust issues now is it even worth continuing? its only going to get worse as time goes on.
Author andy in spain Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks matey. I think you are right, whatever the outcome of the snoop all trust has gone from my side, I work away a bit and there is enough to worry about. The thing is that it's too much to throw away for a feeling. I told her that she needs to rebuild the trust between us but that hasn't happened. Nobody likes to think that there is something wrong. It will break my heart to leave my daughter.
swfc_77 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 ouch 12 years, and facebook pops up once again. just goes to show how ****ing bad that site can be, when abused. which every man/women and dog seem to do these days. lay off the smoke mate, doesn't do no good
Author andy in spain Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 It was a factor. She's a bit of a slapper cos she has low self-esteem. She's got low self-esteem because she puts no effort into her life. She puts no effort into her life because she's always baked. I know it makes me paranoid sometimes which is maybe why she has gotten away with it for so long, I just thought it was all in my mind.
Author andy in spain Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) I found the ideal Valentines gift http://www.thedesignertoiletrollcompany.co.uk/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=4&products_id=48 :laugh: After a large G&T, half a bottle of wine and a large single malt my resolve is wavering. I'm starting to consider plan B. The one that allows me to sleep with dozens of nubile 25 yr olds whilst still living at home. I'll tell her that I know all about her and she can expect the same from me. I will be a perfect husband at home and not start calling her ugly when I get a better looking girlfriend. She would have to stop whatever was happening with my friend or risk something nasty. I'm pretty sure that if a better offer came along she would chip, again she can expect the same from me. I haven't cheated on her because my sense of who I am comes from what I do. She is a bit like a puddle, only sees herself reflected in others. Night all. Some good cathartic sh%t here. Edited January 27, 2011 by andy in spain Anger making me look like a misogynist.
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