caseinpoint Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Some of you may suggest I ask the guy directly or infer more from the "dates" for the question I'm about to ask. But how do I differentiate a guy asking me out for a drink or a bite (not big fancy dinners or a romantic picnic by the beach) because he likes me as a friend versus him asking me out because he's interested? The said guy and I are involved in business-related activities, in that my company hires his company for work, with me in charge of the business-related activities. I'm also not sure if he's also trying to be nice to me because he wants more work for his company. We've gone out for a drink once but nothing in particular happened. It was good fun and he's since mentioned about going out again and how he enjoys our conversations. While we've decided on the next activity, it won't happen for a while until we both get back to the city from business trips. We also have on-and-off contacts via IM or texts or emails. I can't really tell what he wants (short of asking him, I know) because I have guy friends I hang out with from time to time too. So he could be one of those guys who just likes female friends too. Anyone can help with some opinions?
notsure15 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 he likes you, take the plunge ask him outright, sounds like you want to but are holding onto a myth that a man leads the way. NIKE. Just Do It. you have absolutely nothing to lose.
Author caseinpoint Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 notsure15, I would like to think he likes me too. But experience just makes me skeptical. Any other opinions?
MarlyStar Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 No advice, I was sort of in the same quandry. There seems to be a lot of this going on. Men who just can't seem to be clear about their intentions. I guess it means they are just not that interested.
CluelessGuy1986 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I dont want to hijack your thread, but can I ask you a question from the guys perspective? Assuming he does like you, what would you like him to do? Should he just make a move and go for a kiss, have him let you know he likes you? I find myself in a similar situation with the tables reversed and am kind of lost.
Jazzari Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Does he lean in when talking to you? Touch you lightly (hand, small of back, etc) Do his eyes light up when you walk in the room? Does he look at you and smile alot for no particular reason? What is his body language saying? Does he flirt at all?
Author caseinpoint Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 I dont want to hijack your thread, but can I ask you a question from the guys perspective? Assuming he does like you, what would you like him to do? Should he just make a move and go for a kiss, have him let you know he likes you? I find myself in a similar situation with the tables reversed and am kind of lost. I would like him to do those things that you mentioned. A little bit of aggressiveness is attractive, provided the girl likes the guy. LOL. But since I like the guy but I'm not sure of his intention, him being more forward would help the both of us. Hope it helps your case.
Author caseinpoint Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Does he lean in when talking to you? Touch you lightly (hand, small of back, etc) Do his eyes light up when you walk in the room? Does he look at you and smile alot for no particular reason? What is his body language saying? Does he flirt at all? He sometimes leans in and he touches me (but I know some people are just more touchy feely than others). He flirts a little (but I'm not sure whether it's him trying to put on his charm for more of my business). I'm not sure about his eyes since I'm not that observant but he looks at me and smiles a lot and we laugh a lot when we talk. Our communication is great. Though we would also talk about "silly" stuff over IM or texts. So what does all this say? I'm just wary that he could either just treat me as a good friend he can communicate with or someone from whom he wants more company business.
carhill Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 After an experience back in the 90's with a woman (actually an employee of the financial institution I worked for) buttering me up with 'interest' only to find out she was trying to sell me an investment product she was moonlighting selling, I've avoided any sorts of business-related personal interactions, especially where the personal interaction affects or could be perceived by others to affect business choices. If you have no such prohibitions, I'd just leave it alone and enjoy the attentions of other men. A man in his position knows how to ask a woman out on a date. Trust me. Good luck
Author caseinpoint Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 If you have no such prohibitions, I'd just leave it alone and enjoy the attentions of other men. A man in his position knows how to ask a woman out on a date. Trust me. Good luck Does that mean you think he's not interested? That you're suggesting I seek the attention of other men instead of waiting for this guy?
Author caseinpoint Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Correct He who snoozes, loses. Thanks. I know you've answered the question. But just one more, if you would indulge me. Besides the snoozing part, how much do you think he's doing all that he did for more business from me?
carhill Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Well, do you 'feel' like giving him more business? Why? I could tell you the story of the knockout brunette who knocked me out of my chair selling me a dumpster. That methodology cuts both ways. TBH, I just let things play out now. Perhaps that's the somewhat jaded perspective of an old fart. If it works out and he asks you out on a real date and no business is discussed at all, I'm happy for you.
Author caseinpoint Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Well, do you 'feel' like giving him more business? Why? I'm neutral. I don't feel like giving him more business if this *relationship* goes awry and could be embarassing. On the other hand, it doesn't matter whether I give him the business because someone has be hired to do the work and it might as well be from his company since they would know it better than a newcomer. I could tell you the story of the knockout brunette who knocked me out of my chair selling me a dumpster. That methodology cuts both ways. You mean it takes both hands to clap? TBH, I just let things play out now. Perhaps that's the somewhat jaded perspective of an old fart. If it works out and he asks you out on a real date and no business is discussed at all, I'm happy for you. No, even the first time we went out, business wasn't discussed. But it doesn't mean he's not thinking about it. Like I said, I'm skeptical about most things.
carhill Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Has the word 'date' been used yet? I used to have lunch once a week with a bank manager who was an old classmate. I happened to bank at her branch. Business was not discussed. It wasn't a date. 'Hey, do you want to go out to lunch today?' Now, if I had asked her out on a real 'date', it would be at night and away from work and, if she agreed, I'd say 'great, it's a date'. Done.
Author caseinpoint Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Has the word 'date' been used yet? I used to have lunch once a week with a bank manager who was an old classmate. I happened to bank at her branch. Business was not discussed. It wasn't a date. 'Hey, do you want to go out to lunch today?' Now, if I had asked her out on a real 'date', it would be at night and away from work and, if she agreed, I'd say 'great, it's a date'. Done. No, the word hasn't been used. I feel that he's testing waters but I don't want to use any excuses. He asks in a way that he won't feel rejected if I decline, like saying "let's go" to the restaurant we've been talking so much about after we both come back from our trips. He does keep talking about us going out from time to time. I don't comment much because I don't know what to think of his comments. I don't want to overthink but I'm overthinking!
carhill Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Carhill's canned question #37: Does he know without a doubt that you're single? I ask this because of a lifetime of married and otherwise attached women being 'friendly' and even going out on 'dates'. Some have lied. Some have been creative with the truth. Some I did not ask and should have. Rarely have any volunteered anything clear and compelling about their relationship status. I generally assumed (sometimes incorrectly) that online 'singles' were 'single'. Now I assume everyone is married/attached unless otherwise proven. Too much 'beat up' of my heart in the past. So, what's the scoop?
Author caseinpoint Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Carhill's canned question #37: Does he know without a doubt that you're single? I ask this because of a lifetime of married and otherwise attached women being 'friendly' and even going out on 'dates'. Some have lied. Some have been creative with the truth. Some I did not ask and should have. Rarely have any volunteered anything clear and compelling about their relationship status. I generally assumed (sometimes incorrectly) that online 'singles' were 'single'. Now I assume everyone is married/attached unless otherwise proven. Too much 'beat up' of my heart in the past. So, what's the scoop? We've not talked about this. The same goes for me not knowing his status too. If he's not single, it would probably explain why he doesn't come straight out to ask me out. But why did you ask question #37? How does it link to my situation?
carhill Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 But why did you ask question #37? How does it link to my situation? Sorry, I should've separated things a bit: Does he know without a doubt that you're single? Why: I ask this because of a lifetime of married and otherwise attached women being 'friendly' and even going out on 'dates'. Some have lied. Some have been creative with the truth. Some I did not ask and should have. Rarely have any volunteered anything clear and compelling about their relationship status. I generally assumed (sometimes incorrectly) that online 'singles' were 'single'. Now I assume everyone is married/attached unless otherwise proven. Too much 'beat up' of my heart in the past. =-==== A man who 'eases' into things like this guy appears to be doing may have the same perspective, or a permutation of same, that I have. However, you make a good point. He may be married or involved with someone. Hmm... Guess some communication is in order
Author caseinpoint Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Sorry, I should've separated things a bit: Does he know without a doubt that you're single? Why: I ask this because of a lifetime of married and otherwise attached women being 'friendly' and even going out on 'dates'. Some have lied. Some have been creative with the truth. Some I did not ask and should have. Rarely have any volunteered anything clear and compelling about their relationship status. I generally assumed (sometimes incorrectly) that online 'singles' were 'single'. Now I assume everyone is married/attached unless otherwise proven. Too much 'beat up' of my heart in the past. =-==== A man who 'eases' into things like this guy appears to be doing may have the same perspective, or a permutation of same, that I have. However, you make a good point. He may be married or involved with someone. Hmm... Guess some communication is in order If the communication proves that he's married or involved, no more such "going out," right?
carhill Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Up to you. Everyone has different boundaries. After enough unrequited attraction/love/infatuation/whatever, I just say 'no' now. YMMV
Author caseinpoint Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Up to you. Everyone has different boundaries. After enough unrequited attraction/love/infatuation/whatever, I just say 'no' now. YMMV Can you pass some of your jaded feelings over? I never seem to learn though I know I should. I'm not saying I'll jump this guy the first chance I have but I need to set more boundaries.
carhill Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Here's a journal entry which might be meaningful. If nothing else, it's instructive wrt 'timing'. My cat's keeping my feet warm right now so I don't mind not having 'friends' interested in me. Good luck
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