Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 I feel for you there. I'm a fairly talkative guy usually, so when I am quiet people often have the same reaction to me. Truth is that I am usually just not in a mood to talk and have my introverted moments as well. I'm working on that. The thing is, I used to be very antisocial, and I can go for days without talking. Even when people used to say hi to me, I found it hard to reply back to them. Nowadays, I've been more open to greeting people and starting random conversations with passerbys.
january2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Actually my recent threads have been tame compared to when I first joined LS. It's true what they say, you learn from your past. I just learn to not be a doormat. What I mean is that you've had (recent) dates and therefore, in my opinion, you are not undateable.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 What I mean is that you've had (recent) dates and therefore, in my opinion, you are not undateable. You're right, now I've just got to work on attracting more available and mature men.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Hell no I would not. Likewise.
BobSacamento Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 You seem to put up a good front as evident by the posters here. Perhaps your ability to hide your insecurity alienates those that might be attracted to that vulnerability. And those attracted to vulnerability are more likely looking to support rather than treat them like a doormat. My guess is people treat you like a doormat because they think you can take it or think you don't care. Just a theory.
Lovelybird Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Hi, paper, I have difficulty to say no too, even now. not a fun feeling. I was brought up to be a "good girl", you know, to please everyone and make them happy. after I came here, I realized that I need to work on some boundaries issues, because in this area I am like a 3 years old, I know I am strong inside, just hardwired not to say no in the past. I will open a thread to seek support from people who will encourage me to say NO on detailed cases daily. Good luck and you are a charming young lady, takes a good wise man to discover this, don't believe otherwise
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 You seem to put up a good front as evident by the posters here. Perhaps your ability to hide your insecurity alienates those that might be attracted to that vulnerability. And those attracted to vulnerability are more likely looking to support rather than treat them like a doormat. My guess is people treat you like a doormat because they think you can take it or think you don't care. Just a theory. Bob, I'm afraid to show I'm vulnerable. I know that if I open up, I'm going to get hurt. There was a good friend of mine whom I told everything to, and in the end she backstabbed me. I don't need people like that in my life. If people are attracted to vulnerability there's definitely something wrong with them. Are they more controlling as a person therefore vulnerable people are easier to manipulate? Also, I used to be a doormat because I used to look for validation from others. I put up with alot of stuff, but nowadays, I can't bother to be placed in a position to be used.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I don't enjoy being insecure, I grew up insecure. I am confident but sometimes I do get those days when I just don't like myself. . Like I said, you enjoy bieng secure. You keep making reasons to go back to wallowing to insecurity, there must be something in those feelings you like and keep going back to. If youre attractive, you have NO REASON whatsoever to be insecure, unless you have no idea how to deal with men , which I know isnt the case. So it just comes back to you deciding you dont want to be confident at times, which means you enjoy wallowing in insecurity. The sooner you admit it, (and stop blaming your upbringing, you know you can overcome that if youre an adult) the sooner you will see how silly it is to keep ing back to those feelings.
Lovelybird Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 If people are attracted to vulnerability there's definitely something wrong with them. Are they more controlling as a person therefore vulnerable people are easier to manipulate? I am afraid you are probably right about this, there is no single person on the earth won't hurt others from time to time. no human being is perfect. I guess that is why human needs God. If you really think about it, there are people whom you hurt also.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I'm working on that. The thing is, I used to be very antisocial, and I can go for days without talking. Even when people used to say hi to me, I found it hard to reply back to them. Nowadays, I've been more open to greeting people and starting random conversations with passerbys. Do you feel loved by your parents? You are more than datable. You are pretty and have a good heart. I think the bisexual thing works against you, but just take things slow with men and you will do just fine. Id personally be more worried about your family situation.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Like I said, you enjoy bieng secure. You keep making reasons to go back to wallowing to insecurity, there must be something in those feelings you like and keep going back to. If youre attractive, you have NO REASON whatsoever to be insecure, unless you have no idea how to deal with men , which I know isnt the case. So it just comes back to you deciding you dont want to be confident at times, which means you enjoy wallowing in insecurity. The sooner you admit it, (and stop blaming your upbringing, you know you can overcome that if youre an adult) the sooner you will see how silly it is to keep ing back to those feelings. Wow, that's a big wake-up call. Truthfully, I can't help but agree with you. I don't know whether it's because of my past or not, but I do have a habit of blaming myself for the littlest things or reprimand myself for not being perfect. Do you feel loved by your parents? You are more than datable. You are pretty and have a good heart. I think the bisexual thing works against you, but just take things slow with men and you will do just fine. Id personally be more worried about your family situation. U_F, I don't love my parents. It's a thing that I'm working on with my therapist. I think alot of my problems stems from my childhood and it's taking me bit of an effort to face my issues. As for my bisexuality, I am aware that most men probably won't accept it but I can't change who I am. I will try to take things slow. Thank you.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 U_F, I don't love my parents. It's a thing that I'm working on with my therapist. I think alot of my problems stems from my childhood and it's taking me bit of an effort to face my issues. As for my bisexuality, I am aware that most men probably won't accept it but I can't change who I am. I will try to take things slow. Thank you. I remember you don't feel much for them... but the question is do you feel that they love YOU. Is there a possibility some of your rebellious ways are an attempt to make them care? Just a thought. Side note.... I am currently not a fan of blondes.
bolase Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Bob, I'm afraid to show I'm vulnerable. I know that if I open up, I'm going to get hurt. There was a good friend of mine whom I told everything to, and in the end she backstabbed me. I don't need people like that in my life. If people are attracted to vulnerability there's definitely something wrong with them. Are they more controlling as a person therefore vulnerable people are easier to manipulate? Also, I used to be a doormat because I used to look for validation from others. I put up with alot of stuff, but nowadays, I can't bother to be placed in a position to be used. re vulnerability: i just saw this last week and it changed my way of thinking (or at least gave me a reality check). read the comments too there's tons of good advice there. recommended for everyone.
Lovelybird Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 re vulnerability: i just saw this last week and it changed my way of thinking (or at least gave me a reality check). read the comments too there's tons of good advice there. recommended for everyone. VERY, VERY, VERY good material !!!
Eddie Edirol Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Wow, that's a big wake-up call. Truthfully, I can't help but agree with you. I don't know whether it's because of my past or not, but I do have a habit of blaming myself for the littlest things or reprimand myself for not being perfect. See! You realize it, thats the first step to getting rid of that. Now lets get deep, what are these little things you are blaming and reprimanding yourself for? Whats the perfection that you are talking about?
january2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) re vulnerability: i just saw this last week and it changed my way of thinking (or at least gave me a reality check). read the comments too there's tons of good advice there. recommended for everyone. Thank you for posting this! Have also quoted your post in the off-topic thread in the Water Cooler forum. Edited January 27, 2011 by january2011
BobSacamento Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 If people are attracted to vulnerability there's definitely something wrong with them. Are they more controlling as a person therefore vulnerable people are easier to manipulate? I don't believe so. Everyone is vulnerable in one way or another. People are attracted to it because it's the sense of honesty that's appealing and they can empathize. When you try to put up a front you are only lying to yourself and others. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy. It takes courage.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 I remember you don't feel much for them... but the question is do you feel that they love YOU. Is there a possibility some of your rebellious ways are an attempt to make them care? Just a thought. Side note.... I am currently not a fan of blondes. I can speak for my mom but not her husband. I see that she works excruciatingly hard to pay the mortgage and put food on the table, and I emphatize, but sometimes, I feel like my mom will never really understand me. She's very obstinate and stubborn ( something I learned from her) and she's often demanding to the point where it's either her way or the highway. I will admit, when I was little, I often pretended to be sick alot just to get my mom to stay home from work. Side note- I love blondes re vulnerability: i just saw this last week and it changed my way of thinking (or at least gave me a reality check). read the comments too there's tons of good advice there. recommended for everyone. Thank you so much! That is an amazing video. I don't believe so. Everyone is vulnerable in one way or another. People are attracted to it because it's the sense of honesty that's appealing and they can empathize. When you try to put up a front you are only lying to yourself and others. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy. It takes courage. I won't deny that to be open requires some kind of leap of faith, but I just don't have it in me to place myself out there. Actually something happened tonight that says I was accurate in not having placed any faith or trust in certain people. The guy I was dating previously, who tried to worm his way back into my life, was caught by my girlfriend on a date with a another girl. Now, if this had happened to me way back when, I probably would have started feeling upset and depressed. I can't say I'm surprised that he's dating other people, and to be honest, I actually don't care.
daphne Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I think maybe you've learned or suspect what former doormats know. People despise those they consider weak. Your lack of trust is probably coupled with anger over that fact. To achieve balance, you will have to learn to stop giving people who could hurt you so much power and credit. Learn to trust your instincts. Learn to own your power. From that place, you'll see a change in the behavior of others towards you. And you'll trust yourself to know that you won't let them treat you that way again.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 See! You realize it, thats the first step to getting rid of that. Now lets get deep, what are these little things you are blaming and reprimanding yourself for? Whats the perfection that you are talking about? Um fully story? I grew up with low self-esteem. Not to mention I used to be overweight when I was a kid, I then developed an eating disorder. I was bulimic and extremely depressed... but that's another story. I am seeking help and is semi- recovered, but as self- esteem and self- reprimandation, it's still an ongoing battle. I will add that I am at least more confident than I used to be. I no longer have a need to want to seek out validation from strangers but am working on inner validation.
Sanman Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 While I certainly understand being concerned about the amount of trust you have in others, you also need to realize that not trusting others and keeping them at an emotional distance can bring a certain type of person into your life that may not be best for you. Putting trust in others is something you need to do for yourself and your own growth. What they do with that trust lies with them and the consequences of their actions are only on them.
Nexus One Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 To answer the topic question. I don't see any photo's in this thread or any (character) background. So how could I tell? (Or am I missing something?)
BobSacamento Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I won't deny that to be open requires some kind of leap of faith, but I just don't have it in me to place myself out there. Actually something happened tonight that says I was accurate in not having placed any faith or trust in certain people. The guy I was dating previously, who tried to worm his way back into my life, was caught by my girlfriend on a date with a another girl. Now, if this had happened to me way back when, I probably would have started feeling upset and depressed. I can't say I'm surprised that he's dating other people, and to be honest, I actually don't care. I think when you hold back (put up a front) and not be honest you only open yourself up to superficiality. You only attract superficial people. Superficial people do not care if you are treated like a doormat.
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