somedude81 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 OK, the school semester just started and I don't want to waste any time in trying to get a girlfriend. I would be fine just dating around and have something casual if I find a girl who wants it. I do not want to make any female friends. I will not let myself get friendzoned. Looking at my classes, it seems I'd have the most chance dating somebody in my Social Dance class and maybe somebody I meet at Japan club. So what is the actual process to start dating somebody? Lets say I meet a girl in my dance class that I could be interested in, how do I proceed? How should I act? What should I try to talk about? How soon to invite her somewhere, to what? How do I let her know that I am not looking for a new friend? I'm eager to hear anything relevant.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Ask out every girl you find attractive. Process of elimination.
Disillusioned Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 How does it work? Answer: very poorly if at all.
zengirl Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 OK, the school semester just started and I don't want to waste any time in trying to get a girlfriend. I would be fine just dating around and have something casual if I find a girl who wants it. I do not want to make any female friends. I will not let myself get friendzoned. Looking at my classes, it seems I'd have the most chance dating somebody in my Social Dance class and maybe somebody I meet at Japan club. So what is the actual process to start dating somebody? Lets say I meet a girl in my dance class that I could be interested in, how do I proceed? How should I act? What should I try to talk about? How soon to invite her somewhere, to what? How do I let her know that I am not looking for a new friend? I'm eager to hear anything relevant. The not waste any time is confusing to me. Are you saying you absolutely DON'T want a girlfriend, just something casual, or that you'd like any kind of array -- dating, casual, relationship, whatever happens. At any rate, if a guy asks me out to dinner, I know (and always did, even in college) he's not asking me as a friend. If he asks me to study/grab coffee, I'm not sure; then, you have to put romantic vibes out in a different way. But something that is date-like (alone, at night, potential for dressing nicely) is going to get your point across. Any girl who pretends she doesn't get it, if you do that, is just looking for orbiters and is kind of a jerk. If you ask to hang out, or meet in group settings, it's way more confusing. If you see someone you like: Flirt, ask them out, assess their interest. The best way to learn is by doing with this stuff. And be prepared to take rejection like an adult---accept it, don't internalize it (you won't be everyone's cuppa; it's no big thing), and move along. Good luck out there.
Author somedude81 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Ask out every girl you find attractive. Process of elimination. If only it were that simple. How would you react if a guy in your class, who you did not know at all or even speak to, suddenly ask you out? How does it work? Answer: very poorly if at all. Tell me about it. You seem like a smart guy. Yet stuck in a loop. I think you already know what to do but are afraid to try it. You’ll learn more from doing then on this website or else where. What I'm afraid of is, never getting out of the loop. I'm terrified that I will end up in another friendzone situation. What I want to do, is do what I can to increase my odds of success. I have no idea what will work. That's why I made this thread. What I learn from here, I plan to apply in real life. I want to have a plan of attack for Monday. The not waste any time is confusing to me. Are you saying you absolutely DON'T want a girlfriend, just something casual, or that you'd like any kind of array -- dating, casual, relationship, whatever happens. Honestly, I don't really know what I want. I do know, that I am not happy just being friends with girls. I want to have some sort of relationship where being physical is a possibility not an impossibility like what happens when I'm just friends with a girl. Not wasting time means I want to do it as quickly as possible. I don't to be around a girl for a month, then have her tell me that she just likes me as a friend. Also I'm tired of being alone. I'm turning 30 in August, I can't believe I lived this long without having anybody in my life. At any rate, if a guy asks me out to dinner, I know (and always did, even in college) he's not asking me as a friend. If he asks me to study/grab coffee, I'm not sure; then, you have to put romantic vibes out in a different way. But something that is date-like (alone, at night, potential for dressing nicely) is going to get your point across. Any girl who pretends she doesn't get it, if you do that, is just looking for orbiters and is kind of a jerk. If you ask to hang out, or meet in group settings, it's way more confusing. I don't think I'm going to be asking girls to dinner, at least not for the first date. That seems way to formal for a college girl. What is the best thing to do for a first date? How do I put out romantic vibes? What ever I do, will just be one on one. If you see someone you like: Flirt, ask them out, assess their interest. The best way to learn is by doing with this stuff. And be prepared to take rejection like an adult---accept it, don't internalize it (you won't be everyone's cuppa; it's no big thing), and move along. Good luck out there.How soon should I ask someone out? What's the best way to do so? --- I want to get the point across that I'm totally clueless about this thing. I have had zero success with women in my life and it's time for a change.
zengirl Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Ask them out right away. Unless you're dealing with really conservative girls, this is fine. If you don't want dinner, just make sure it's not "hanging out." Something too casual is easily confused IF you are not great at flirting. If you can flirt, it's not an issue. I suggest dinner because it instantly suggests date, and that's your issue, not because it's the "best" kind of date. I'm sure there are other ideas, but my brain is fried right now. Hope you can take the bull by the horns and get out into the dating scene!
Author somedude81 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 What does right away actually mean? Something tells me that asking somebody out, right when I meet her for the first time isn't going to work. Should I try and find out if she has a boyfriend first? I don't think I'm that good at flirting.
zengirl Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 What does right away actually mean? Something tells me that asking somebody out, right when I meet her for the first time isn't going to work. Should I try and find out if she has a boyfriend first? I don't think I'm that good at flirting. It really depends. If someone were in a social group with me, it might be beneficial for them to wait a few meets, or at least until the end of the activity, to ask me out. Or it might not. Have a conversation with the girl first, but about her not whether or not she's single (this might mean you ask out some attached girls -- no biggie, really). See a snippet of her interests/personality, so she doesn't feel like you're a door-to-door salesman about it. However, don't do the hint stuff. Just ask. If she has a BF, she'll say, "Aw, thanks, but I have a boyfriend" if she's sweet, or maybe, "Duh, I'm seeing someone, loser," if she's a jerk. (If she's a jerk, be thankful she wasn't available! Who cares?) That has nothing to do with you, so don't let it deflate your ego if she's attached. Someone else got there first. It happens. I also think you can ask people out casually. (Let's do this potentially friends thing together, just so I can suss out if you're really cool.) But that requires a higher skill level. Or boobs.
runner Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 OK, the school semester just started and I don't want to waste any time in trying to get a girlfriend. I would be fine just dating around and have something casual if I find a girl who wants it. I do not want to make any female friends. I will not let myself get friendzoned. i just had to stop right here and mention that, sometimes the best 'wingmen' are actually other women. personally i prefer taking dating advice (method) from my fellow cavemen, but as for socialising, you can't discount the fact that women know other women and can really help you out with social cred- and i don't mean that in some nefarious way at all. a few of my best friends, sisters even, are women.
OceanGirl Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 What does right away actually mean? Something tells me that asking somebody out, right when I meet her for the first time isn't going to work. Should I try and find out if she has a boyfriend first? I don't think I'm that good at flirting. Somedude, you admitted to being friendzoned before. So to be on the safe side - ask out girls right away. Really, I would be very flattered if a guy did that even if I wasn't into him. Most girls are used to it and if they find you attractive they will say yes. You just need someone to give you a break
Author somedude81 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 It really depends. If someone were in a social group with me, it might be beneficial for them to wait a few meets, or at least until the end of the activity, to ask me out. There is a huge difference between a few meets and the end of the activity. The semester ends in May, and that's obviously too long to wait. Is there some sort of sweet spot in time length? Have a conversation with the girl first, but about her not whether or not she's single (this might mean you ask out some attached girls -- no biggie, really). See a snippet of her interests/personality, so she doesn't feel like you're a door-to-door salesman about it. So have a conversation first? Does it matter how many, how long and what about? However, don't do the hint stuff. Just ask. If she has a BF, she'll say, "Aw, thanks, but I have a boyfriend" if she's sweet, or maybe, "Duh, I'm seeing someone, loser," if she's a jerk. (If she's a jerk, be thankful she wasn't available! Who cares?) That has nothing to do with you, so don't let it deflate your ego if she's attached. Someone else got there first. It happens. OK so just ask her out, and she'll tell me if she has a BF or not. I don't need to find that out first. I also think you can ask people out casually. (Let's do this potentially friends thing together, just so I can suss out if you're really cool.) But that requires a higher skill level. Or boobs.Of which I have neither I naturally tend towards the friendly thing and women often get the wrong idea that I'm looking for friends. i just had to stop right here and mention that, sometimes the best 'wingmen' are actually other women. personally i prefer taking dating advice (method) from my fellow cavemen, but as for socialising, you can't discount the fact that women know other women and can really help you out with social cred- and i don't mean that in some nefarious way at all. a few of my best friends, sisters even, are women. Has never happened. In my 29 years, women I've known have never helped me socially. Whenever I hang out with a girl, it's just me and her, and I never meet her friends or do any group stuff with her. They just don't bring it up. Somedude, you admitted to being friendzoned before. So to be on the safe side - ask out girls right away. Really, I would be very flattered if a guy did that even if I wasn't into him. Most girls are used to it and if they find you attractive they will say yes. You just need someone to give you a break I'm having trouble figuring out what right away really means. And no I'm not trying to be a smart ass. ------------ Anybody have any ideas what a good first date activity is? The first thing I like to do is get lunch with the girl after class and see who she is. The problem is that some girls recognized it as a sign of interest and others thought that we were just doing it as friends. How do I make it obvious that I don't want to go as friends? What are some good conversation topics?
runner Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 (edited) for a first date, avoid meals, just hang out over coffee or whatever and see if you guys even like each other. otherwise, assuming you already like each other, focus on the fun (dancing, etc.); things that encourage touching ! and if you guys get hungry then so be it- grab a bite. just don't make the meal the focus, it's screams boredom. plus some women are pretty weird about eating in front of a guy they like for the first time, so you'd be doing them a favour. Edited January 30, 2011 by runner
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