Ariadne Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 what do you mean 'let'? it's supposed to be a mutually beneficial experience, not 'letting' anyone do anything Well, if she was "sore" she wasn't "enjoying" it, still, for his pleasure she stayed all that time to let him finish.
Stung Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I mean when you talk to them about it. Do you refer to it as "having sex" "making love" "screwing" or other? Having sex. F***ing. Knockin' boots. Making the beast with two backs. Gettin' busy. Depends on whether our conversation is cute or sexy, I guess. "Making love" always feels too cheesy, even though we are in love. Sometimes I just tell him I want him inside me.
Stung Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Well, if she was "sore" she wasn't "enjoying" it, still, for his pleasure she stayed all that time to let him finish. I think the point is that she shouldn't have done that. Clearly it led to resentment which led to her lashing out behaviorally, which could have endangered this nascent, still-vulnerable relationship. OG, I'm glad he seems to have forgiven you. Do you think you have learned anything about setting your own sexual boundaries/establishing better sexual communication?
Ariadne Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 ANYONE who behaved the way you did OG, who seemed unrepentant and like it was all his fault (which you're continuing to do, btw). Had your thread started off with, "I said something I shouldn't have..." (Btw, when guys are having sex they don't care if the partner looks at the clock, ask to hurry after hours, etc, it's small deal)
Ariadne Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I think the point is that she shouldn't have done that....Do you think you have learned anything about setting your own sexual boundaries/establishing better sexual communication? Who are we to tell or question the way other people have sex?
Cee Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I'm not sure the underlying direction of the thread, but I'll weigh in with a few observations. First time sex can be a test of trust and communication among two people who don't yet know each other physically. If both parties are trustworthy and capable of communication, then most couples will survive 1st sex, no matter how awkward it is. I literally feel OG's pain in having sex with someone for many hours straight. I have learned over many years of life that lube is a girl's best friend. Also, it's okay to say, "Stop, let's take a water break and cuddle for a while." This is one of the oldest sex advice chestnuts, but it works. Talk to your lover about sex outside the bedroom. There have been times when I say, "I'd really like you to do X" and like magic the next time we have sex, he does it. I have no idea if my post is appropriate for the thread, but I struggle with first sex like the OP. It's a fertile topic for discussion.
Stung Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (Btw, when guys are having sex they don't care if the partner looks at the clock, ask to hurry after hours, etc, it's small deal) If you read the male reactions to this, they were uniformly appalled. Apparently it's not a small deal. Who are we to tell or question the way other people have sex? Well, we're the people whom OG told about her sex life while specifically asking for advice and feedback.
Stung Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I have no idea if my post is appropriate for the thread, but I struggle with first sex like the OP. It's a fertile topic for discussion. First-time sex is definitely a vulnerable time for both parties, and can be awkward as you navigate a minefield of idiosyncracies/personal compatibility issues. I have sympathy for this as well, most of us have struggled with it a time or two.
northern_sky Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) While I agree that what OG said was quite rude, I think many reactions were overblown with the character attacks. Some people just get an ego surge from sitting on their high horses. You find these types in all walks of life, but they're drawn to LS like moths to a flame. We've all done unseemly things in our life. In my observation the more self righteous people, most concerned with upholding an image of near perfection, tend to be especially replete with flaws of their own. It's a deflection mechanism. They also tend to be terrible at helping others, since their ego is too involved. If you want an example of somebody who is gifted at helping people as a teacher and counselor, Kamille is it. Her style and personality remind me of my mother's. She's got "it," and that it can't be learned or faked. Anyway, business as usual on LS. Believe me, OG has been *very* forgiving of her bf, probably too forgiving, especially in light of some of the things she's told me about him. OG doesn't suffer from being too critical of others; she suffers from being not critical enough and then letting things slide until frustration bursts out. Edited January 27, 2011 by northern_sky
Star Gazer Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (Btw, when guys are having sex they don't care if the partner looks at the clock, ask to hurry after hours, etc, it's small deal) No, Ariadne. It is most definitely NOT a small deal.
donnamaybe Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 No, Ariadne. It is most definitely NOT a small deal. Oh, good grief, of COURSE it's a big deal! I can't imagine any man who wouldn't feel completely emasculated at the thought that his woman is counting the seconds until he's done making love to her.
northern_sky Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 haven't you guys raked her over the coals enough by now? She's admitted what she did was wrong and regrets it. What's to gain at this point?
donnamaybe Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Sorry, but when someone makes an ignorant comment like that, it BEGS to be refuted.
zengirl Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) OG doesn't suffer from being too critical of others; she suffers from being not critical enough and then letting things slide until frustration bursts out. The two are not mutually exclusive. I think it's likely OG simply approaches people (and herself and relationships) with entirely the wrong criteria. Thus, she is possibly both too critical and not critical enough at the same time. Lots of people are. ETA: By "wrong" criteria, I mean unproductive criteria, specifically. By productive, I mean conducive to happiness. To be clear. Edited January 27, 2011 by zengirl
anne1707 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Anyway, business as usual on LS. Believe me, OG has been *very* forgiving of her bf, probably too forgiving, especially in light of some of the things she's told me about him. Funny but I would have thought based on what OG has posted that HE is the one that needs to forgive HER.
northern_sky Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) The two are not mutually exclusive. I think it's likely OG simply approaches people (and herself and relationships) with entirely the wrong criteria. Thus, she is possibly both too critical and not critical enough at the same time. Lots of people are. ETA: By "wrong" criteria, I mean unproductive criteria, specifically. By productive, I mean conducive to happiness. To be clear. Yes, that's what I mean. The only things she really fusses over are looks and superficial chemistry. She lets everything else fly: intelligence level, lifestyle, personality compatibility. It doesn't help that she's picking off a site that is mostly filled with losers in her region. I think 90% of her relationship difficulties are a result of her not knowing what she wants, rather than her nitpicking (which other people seem to think is the main issue). Edited January 27, 2011 by northern_sky
Chocolat Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I mean when you talk to them about it. Do you refer to it as "having sex" "making love" "screwing" or other? OG, are you asking how to refer to the sex you had with your BF when you discuss it with him? If so, I would stay away from "making love" unless you are actually on the verge of declaring for him. On the other hand, "screwing" sounds intentionally off-putting. I think "having sex" is probably the best neutral term for your activities.
Star Gazer Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Yes, that's what I mean. The only things she really fusses over are looks and superficial chemistry. She lets everything else fly: intelligence level, lifestyle, personality compatibility. No she doesn't. When she announced her new relationship, she harped on what she believes is his lack of intelligence.
northern_sky Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 No she doesn't. When she announced her new relationship, she harped on what she believes is his lack of intelligence. she complains about it, but then accepts it. only later it becomes a problem.
fishtaco Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Didn't read the original OceanGirl thread. Not going to either. But it's not uncommon for people to come to LS to look for support/validation instead of advice. And even the ones that do appear to listen to people's advice, may behave however they want anyway, until finally they take a sledgehammer to the face, then they'd change their behavior. So most of the time, I would say advice is more like planting seeds. They won't have an effect right away. But once trauma has happened, THEN they'll think back about the advice that they disregarded, and maybe change their ways. Maybe. Denial is the strongest force in the universe. But I'm just speaking in general, not necessarily about OceanGirl, since I didn't read the thread. But either way, maybe all these should be reserved for the other OceanGirl thread as opposed to this one? Here she's just asking for funny ways of saying "have sex". Back to the topic. For me, since I like to joke around, usually something will happen in the course of the relationship/interaction that would be an "inside joke". And I would use that to mean sex. I like to use sexual innuendos. I find jokes or stand-up comics that use sexual innuendos funny. "Have sex", "make love" sounds so boring. "Bang" "Screw" "F--k" sounds crude. Inside sexual innuendo joke terms... the best.
carhill Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 OK, in the spirit of the thread, 'Let me drop the kids off at the pool then we can do the slip and slide' I think my exW came up with that one. Problem is she often dropped the kids off at the pool with the bathroom door open
Star Gazer Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 But it's not uncommon for people to come to LS to look for support/validation instead of advice. Agreed. But either way, maybe all these should be reserved for the other OceanGirl thread as opposed to this one? Here she's just asking for funny ways of saying "have sex". That thread was closed.
Star Gazer Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 OK, in the spirit of the thread, 'Let me drop the kids off at the pool then we can do the slip and slide' I think my exW came up with that one. Problem is she often dropped the kids off at the pool with the bathroom door open Eeeew! You talk about pooping before sex? That would turn me straight off! The last thing I want to think about when I want to get it on is my SO taking a dump!
carhill Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Actually, no, she was the one talking. Remember, I'm the 'make love' guy
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