Finally went to a councillor after coping for over 2 years - this is what he said -

[health]

Me and my ex were with each other for over 5 years

 

I left her because she was with another guy alot and then she hooked up with him after.

 

The councillor asked why I put up with her emotional cheating for so long, because it happened early on

 

- then he started saying how only 30% of people never cheat - that the human species are promiscuous by nature and it's something I have to accept

- I told him I'm principle centered and have never cheated - he said you can't be sure of that with other people

 

- I asked what if I contact my ex? He said I can do what I want. But I said I want to completely get her out of my head

- He said you can contact her but it will probably piss off her new man who "Married" her - I think its just common law

he tells me how the new guy solidified what they had and I didn't - this kills me

 

- I went out yesterday tried to talk to a girl and it it didn't go anywhere

 

- I talked about my hard family life with my crazy sister and abusive brother

 

- it's all a little too much

 

I checked on my exes facebook and she's complaining about being sad over video games

 

I just want to be healed. I thought I found the perfect girl, but it's over now and I feel so helpless in a world where people are hurtful.

 

I have faith and I will work towards finding a good girl. Help!

[Mrlonelyone]

This councilor sounds like he wasn't much help. As for the new man solidifing things...whatever. Each person in a relationship has to be solid for the relationship to be solid.

[health]

This councilor sounds like he wasn't much help. As for the new man solidifing things...whatever. Each person in a relationship has to be solid for the relationship to be solid.

 

Ya. Some points the councilor says helped, others didn't.

 

I was talking about resorting to drugs and alcohol and he explained how these are poor coping strategies - which I agree with - I had 4 beers last night and felt so horrible. I told him I sometimes resort to porn and he said - theres nothing wrong with that because it's natural as long as it's not excessive - I just feel everything is turned upside down cause I think pornography is bad in general but how else am I supposed to express my sexual tension? It's challenging.

 

With your second point, I agree - it's what each person brings to the relationship that makes it what it is.

 

Another thing he said is - even if she was emotionally cheating she still came back to me - like almost telling me to keep a blind eye and accept it - I can't accept something that hurts me at my core over and over again.

 

I am committed to healing and finding a good partner. Thanks for your input Mrlonelyone.

[Shadowburn]

If you committed to healing, first step would be to stop focusing on her and bring focus back on yourself. Don't check her Facebook - you are not together, her life is not of your concern and it's not good for you. Don't contact her - she is with another man, so you have to respect that.

I'm not sure I understood the "married" part - did they get married? Then you really have no business ever contacting her again. Try to develop healthier coping strategies - porn and alcohol are not the best choices for obvious reason. Do things that would make you feel better about yourself - go to the gym to build a better body, concentrate on school/work.

 

Good luck!

[jenifer1972]

You have to just force yourself to get up and out.

 

Think of something you always wanted to learn, whether that be judo, fencing, whatever, and use this as a time to learn something to stimulate yourself and become an interesting person to others.

 

I think it's great that you don't want to fall into a dark vortex of beer and porn.

 

Regarding the statistic that only 30% of people don't cheat, I agree with your response. I don't care if the rest of the world is lying thieving cheaters, that is not going to move me from my moral core principles. There are many women who will appreciate this more than your ex apparently did

[health]

I'm not going to contact her - that married part pisses me off - its just set like that on fb - She had no ceremony - her and me were married in the heart we could have easily called it that - marriage is a celebration of what already exists between the two people - we had that - that didn't stop her new man for budding in our relationship and her checking out emotionally.

 

I'm not going to contact her or check her fb - or look at her photos but it all hurts so bad.

 

Someone just called and I think it was her number I call back, someone picks up and its silence and here I am hoping it's her.

 

I'm going out now to socialize.

 

I take walks at night when anxious. I'm committed to healing.