moloko Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Just wanted to take another opportunity to point out that happily married men do have affairs. as do happily married women.
moloko Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Then they're not really happy if they're cheating. some people are happy in their marriages, but just can't handle forsaking all others. they like new faces to f###
2sure Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 as do happily married women. No. Thats not true. I refuse to accept that. Jeez. Must you?
What_Next Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I agree with 2suny 100% on this one. If a person is REALLY happily married then no they won't cheat. If they are happy in their marriage and are well adjusted and have no personality flaws that will lead to cheating then the likelihood of an affair is very low.
Distant78 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Sure they can. They can be happily self-centered, self-focused, and completely enjoying themselves by having both a wife and another woman on the side to meet whatever needs they have. They can be happier than a pig in a mudhole...BECAUSE they're cheating, and simply don't look beyond that. They don't have to be miserable to choose to cheat...as evidenced by this thread and many others. They just have to choose to do so and have the opportunity to do it...and choose to focus on what the likely impacts are going to be if they're caught. "Happily self-centered.":laugh: No person cheats if they're truly happy with themselves and their marriage. If they're so happy with sucking another cock and sticking their dicks in another hole, then why do they feel guilty?
Mimolicious Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Very simple, I can say it in like 4 different languages for you: CUT IT THE FACK OUT! If your wife was entertaining an old flame... you'd be having flames coming out your nostrils. Put it this way, all the energy you are applying to keeping in touch with some other chick, it is energy stolen from your M. 28 million divorces world wide, in part thanks to old little facebook.
xxoo Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 she doesn't get it because she has never needed to unload emotionally. i do and i don't think she would cope. my re-aquainted overseas friend understands and is in a similar relationship where the partner doesn't provide all the mental emotional support needed. I believe men and women can be friends. But what you describe here is inappropriate. You should not be turning to another woman for emotional needs that are unmet in your marriage (and the same for her turning to another man). A guy friend, a therapist, a marriage counselor to see if you and your wife can develop a relationship that meets those needs within the marriage--these are good choices. An old fling who is in a similar relationship with unmet needs is a recipe for disaster.
moloko Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 No. Thats not true. I refuse to accept that. Jeez. Must you? well "jeez", must you try make such statement and blanket generalizations about men?
Author notsure15 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 i will respect my wife and keep the emotional unloading away. i think we can be friends. were all were. and i am involving my wife every step of the way. Waht was wrong waas the exclusion of my wife, the lack of trust and understanding i had in her. for me it is now resolved. men and women can be friends, as long as they don't want anything else. that yoiu can get at home; or at least i can.
michelangelo Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 If you hadn't told us you had been married for 15 years I would have jumped all over your posting as a boneheaded attempt to justify an inappropriate relationship with a woman that offends your marriage vows. And clearly since in this age of difficult airflights she being in another country makes the risk of you going to meet her, what man would spend a grand to go have sex? I mean come on! There is absolutely nothing about your interactions with that woman that gives pause--given the length of your marriage and distance she is from you. Um, NOT!
JaneyAmazed Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I believe men and women can be friends. But what you describe here is inappropriate. You should not be turning to another woman for emotional needs that are unmet in your marriage (and the same for her turning to another man). This is so true. Just read my thread and you'll see what could happen if you turn to someone else for emotional needs. He wasn't an old fling, but every second I spent talking to, thinking about, spending time with, worrying over OM, I took away from my husband. It's not worth it at all. This advice is perfect.... A guy friend, a therapist, a marriage counselor to see if you and your wife can develop a relationship that meets those needs within the marriage--these are good choices. An old fling who is in a similar relationship with unmet needs is a recipe for disaster. Exactly... A recipe for disaster. Also,If you have to ask if it's cheating, it probably is.
Billy_Boy Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Your wife asked you to stop and there was a question in your head as to if you should or not? Really? Erase her, block her, and NC her and let your wife see you do it. Grow up.
moloko Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 i will respect my wife and keep the emotional unloading away. i think we can be friends. no, you can't. you F'd that up. once you exchange the sweet nothings and an implied attraction is conveyed between the both of you, you are no longer JUST friends. it would be disrespectful to your wife to consider this woman a friend and have ANY contact with her. were all were. and i am involving my wife every step of the way. Waht was wrong waas the exclusion of my wife exclusion of your wife in what? signaling interest to this other woman? for me it is now resolved. men and women can be friends, as long as they don't want anything else. that yoiu can get at home; or at least i can. yes, men and women can be friends. but you passed that point with this woman. any more contact with her from this point on disrespects your wife.
Author notsure15 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 have read all of your advice, and believe i can continue to have a good friendship and nothing more. my wife will keep being jealous and we will keep discussing it, and we will keep discussing me being insensitive and honesty and trust. but as for the OW, we like talking to each other it is good to have another opinion. i think it is like the gay friend for her, and neither of us are threatened.
Stung Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 have read all of your advice, and believe i can continue to have a good friendship and nothing more. my wife will keep being jealous and we will keep discussing it, and we will keep discussing me being insensitive and honesty and trust. but as for the OW, we like talking to each other it is good to have another opinion. i think it is like the gay friend for her, and neither of us are threatened. So, it doesn't bother you whatsoever that your wife is hurt, jealous, and angry? You can just completely disregard her in this way?
Distant78 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Living well with another woman who truly loves you should've been your next move, not messing with an OW who doesn't care about you to get back at your cheating wife. You're only creating new problems and validating your wife's reasons for cheating. You need to stop this and divorce. You're doing the same thing that is killing you. You must stop.
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 have read all of your advice, and believe i can continue to have a good friendship and nothing more. my wife will keep being jealous and we will keep discussing it, and we will keep discussing me being insensitive and honesty and trust. but as for the OW, we like talking to each other it is good to have another opinion. i think it is like the gay friend for her, and neither of us are threatened. Gonna be harsh here, you need to hear this. What is wrong with you? Why is this other woman's feelings more important to you than your own wife's feelings? Why are you choosing to be selfish and keep a friendship that is DAMAGING to your marriage, to your relationship with your wife? You can discuss it all you want. You are having an inappropriate friendship with another woman who you have feelings for and you keeping her in your life, even through email IS going to make you detach from your wife. It isn't like a gay friend at all. Also, the OW likes YOU and it's not fair to keep her in your life either. Figure it out otherwise your marriage is going to have more issues than it does now. the choice is yours man. Is this friendship worth it? If so, WHY?
Mimolicious Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 N15... 15 seems to be a lucky number for you. I have to second WWIU. Let me ask you, how old are you? 30? You sound like you got married at 15. Seriously, your W and you don't seem to have a M. Call it quits if you want to entertain "friendships" on the side.
Author notsure15 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 hi mimolicious, i don't understand WWIU. my age 36. married at 21. our marriage is fine because we do it for the kids. we make sacrifices and i give her her freedom. not to be rude but intelligence plays a part here and sometime you can connect on a sexual level but emotionally and intellect may not hit the same bar. so given there are a lot of judes I think i will conitue to have a "double" life to a degree so no one gets hurt and i remain in ocntrol knowing the risks.
LifesontheUp Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 hi mimolicious, i don't understand WWIU. my age 36. married at 21. our marriage is fine because we do it for the kids. we make sacrifices and i give her her freedom. not to be rude but intelligence plays a part here and sometime you can connect on a sexual level but emotionally and intellect may not hit the same bar. so given there are a lot of judes I think i will conitue to have a "double" life to a degree so no one gets hurt and i remain in ocntrol knowing the risks. Your wife is getting hurt, she's already told you. Aren't you going to do anything about it? Or do you think its fine to hurt your wife?
Gingy Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 we both know the other woman. we all met each other at the same time. i see us as sharing similar experiences. i am not jealous of my wife having seperate male friends. she is afraid i will stray, despite being faithfully married for 15yrs. if roles were reversed i would get it. she doesn't get it because she has never needed to unload emotionally. i do and i don't think she would cope. my re-acquainted overseas friend understands and is in a similar relationship where the partner doesn't provide all the mental emotional support needed. I just dont understand why you cant't emotionally unload with your wife?what can you tell your friend that you can't tell your wife?
jthorne Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Great. I feel like I totally wasted my time with your other thread. OP, you need to read this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t223695/
Mimolicious Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 hi mimolicious, i don't understand WWIU. my age 36. married at 21. our marriage is fine because we do it for the kids. we make sacrifices and i give her her freedom. not to be rude but intelligence plays a part here and sometime you can connect on a sexual level but emotionally and intellect may not hit the same bar. so given there are a lot of judes I think i will conitue to have a "double" life to a degree so no one gets hurt and i remain in ocntrol knowing the risks. Which Way Is Up. WWIU. Whoa 36! What a shame. Anyway, good luck with wasting someone's life and ruining others. Congrats! NEXT!
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