dng Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 There's a lot I could say but I'll keep it short. I've been "seeing" a few different persons in the past few weeks and feeling better and better about myself and about what happened to me in the past six months. I make plans with these persons litterally days in advance, and then to my utmost delight, they actually follow throught without needing constant reminders or confirmation. I was so used to my GF's erratic ways, change of plans, change of mind that I had come to accept it but it was always difficult for me as she always made me feel like I was walking in the dark. This has opened another door for me. I always set limits with her for what was acceptable for me. She would break those limits, get a reaction, and then blame me for not accepting her as she is and I would take the blame and try to change. Now I realized she was the one trying to change me while blaming me for doing it. I was so deep within her that I came to accept all her crazy behaviors without question, in the name of the unconditional love that I never really got, except for the words. All of this is as painful as it is liberating.
cerridwen Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It's amazing when one returns to the center after being at one extreme for so long. I was experiencing a strange sensation the last few weeks. It took me days to realize I was feeling the ABSENCE of stress. Happy for you DNG.
Fern Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 It's amazing when one returns to the center after being at one extreme for so long. I was experiencing a strange sensation the last few weeks. It took me days to realize I was feeling the ABSENCE of stress. Happy for you DNG. Haha! I'm hearing that. That low level anxiety I lived with for most of my relationship has dissipated too. I can actually go home from work and put my feet up and RELAX these days.
melenkurion Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Haha! I'm hearing that. That low level anxiety I lived with for most of my relationship has dissipated too. I can actually go home from work and put my feet up and RELAX these days I'm looking forward to that... I think I was pretty much always on edge and thinking how to keep my ex sweet and avoid him getting ratty. Once I get to realise that is gone, I will relax a great deal.
J0N Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Yes, it's nice when day to day life begins to feel normal again. It's nice to know that we can do whatever we feel like doing. I like doing things that make me happy, especially relaxing after work. Good to hear your coming around.
Fern Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I'm looking forward to that... I think I was pretty much always on edge and thinking how to keep my ex sweet and avoid him getting ratty. Once I get to realise that is gone, I will relax a great deal. You really will, Melen. The breakup anxiety is masking the sense of peace waiting for you at the other end. And once you've felt that...normalcy I suppose is the word for it, it gets easier and easier to recall it and get it back after a setback. I feel good again tonight. Calm. I'm playing with my kitten whilst my flatmate is making dinner and I just got a rocking haircut today that makes me look about 25 and I'm feeling good.
Author dng Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Yes, it's nice when day to day life begins to feel normal again. It's nice to know that we can do whatever we feel like doing. I like doing things that make me happy, especially relaxing after work. Good to hear your coming around. Its a little more than that. I always avoided having prolonged contacts with any other female during the rship mostly to avoid any problems. Of course she never bothered to reciprocate, but that's another story. Now that I do I realize and remember how normal people behave again and its a pretty good feeling.
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