HalfAlive22 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Ok, so anyone who's read my posts knows, I've decided to get a Divorce from my serial cheater. He is still trying to work things out with me (wich will never happen) now he says the reason why he cheated was because, of my financial infedelity. Ok..I will be honest here, years ago I was terrible with money, being married at 18, I had absolutely no money skills..neither did H. He worked full time, I worked part time..at that time because we had 4 small children. I was the one for the most part that payed bills..and I was always late with things..or I'd put off a bill to by my daughter something she probably did'nt need. I never spent a lot, and we had no credit cards..if you can believe that! but sometimes I'd get desperate and write checks at the grocery store, or for bills and they'd bounce. we incurred a lot of fees. Also he'd spend money and not tell me, wich is why a lot of the time the money would not be there for the checks..we only had one account. the problem was we did not communicat enough about money. He says he was resentful, because I did'n work full time, and he'd be working his butt off for check fees..(I totaly get how this could be frustrating) this is why he said he'd cheat....10 times! am I nuts...does he have a point maybe he does! maybe it's me! all I know is ..now I work full time, never bounce anything! and pay billls like we should, is this "financial infedeltiy" the same thing?
aplomb Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It's not the same thing, but it can play into it. Sometimes people cheat because they are angry at their partner. In my experience this is more true of women than men. Women tend to cheat when they are angry. Men usually don't. Men usually cheat because of ego problems. Your husband is using your lack of ability to handle money (which is in the past) to justify his cheating. If you have straightened your money management issues out, what is is current reason? You call him a serial cheater. Why do you think he cheats?
Author HalfAlive22 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 It's not the same thing, but it can play into it. Sometimes people cheat because they are angry at their partner. In my experience this is more true of women than men. Women tend to cheat when they are angry. Men usually don't. Men usually cheat because of ego problems. Your husband is using your lack of ability to handle money (which is in the past) to justify his cheating. If you have straightened your money management issues out, what is is current reason? You call him a serial cheater. Why do you think he cheats? Not sure if there is a current issue, he insists he has'nt cheated in 2 years..since the day he told me everything, I think he cheated because of low self esteem, and needing to feel important, and maybe because he never got to play the feild. I don't know if I believe he has'nt cheated. I've found Fb and text messages to girls, and from what I've read serial cheaters don't change, especially without help, wich he is'nt doing. we never had a sex issue, and we got along a lot of the time, so I'm not 100 percent sure why he could betray me so many times, but everytime I bring up not trusting him, he says he can't trust me either..(because of the money issues)
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 He's used your financial irresponsibilites to justify cheating. Apples and oranges! Don't beat up on yourself!
Iconoclast Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Ok, so anyone who's read my posts knows, I've decided to get a Divorce from my serial cheater. He is still trying to work things out with me (wich will never happen) now he says the reason why he cheated was because, of my financial infedelity. After that everything else is irrelevant. A serial cheater who blames it on you has no intention of stopping.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Agree with all the other posters. He's still trying to blame you for his infidelities, which is more ludicrous since he's trying to get you back. There is absolutely no reason to cheat except for selfishness. Too bad he doesnt get it yet..even after you wanting a divorce. Thats real low and sad. How would you ever be able to live with a man that plans his cheating ways on your OLD money issues...thats just crazy!
jenifer1972 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 He's gaslighting you and shifting blame. People cheat because of their own moral deficiencies. No one "makes" them do anything. It's like saying, "well, you burned the dinner too many times, so I killed your cat!" Huh??? The two are NOT related in causality..
PegNosePete Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 he's gaslighting you and shifting blame. People cheat because of their own moral deficiencies. No one "makes" them do anything. It's like saying, "well, you burned the dinner too many times, so i killed your cat!" huh??? The two are not related in causality.. +1........
Recommended Posts