CluelessGuy1986 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I posted a week or so ago explaining my situation with a friend I really like. I have known her over a year and as mentioned in that thread we started to text a lot in the past few months and they have become kind of flirty, however to my frustration nothing seemed to be happening. I was basically convinced I was friend zoned, but I didnt want to give up as this girl just does something crazy to me - cant get her out of my head. Anyhow, fast forward a week or so and I ended up meeting up with her late Saturday night for a an hour before last call at a bar, we managed to squeeze in a dance and talked for a while until her bus came. We left it with a nice hug and she texted me a few hours later saying she had fun and she would like to see me more. This was basically the first time we had been 1 on 1 without mutual friends around. After talking a bit more I have arranged to go out with her next week skating. Now to me (and my name is cluelessguy for a reason) it seems as though I have to make some sort of move during this night. Am I better off just trying to wait for that moment and steal a kiss, or should I maybe talk to her about "us" and if she sees some kind of relationship there? The trouble I am having is we know eachother so its not really your typical first date, and I am seriously overthinking things as I like this girl so much. I am terrified that I will mess up the kiss, that I have got things all twisted, etc.. etc... Anyhow, based on the above how do you think I should proceed on this night? Thanks for any advice.
sumdude Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I posted a week or so ago explaining my situation with a friend I really like. I have known her over a year and as mentioned in that thread we started to text a lot in the past few months and they have become kind of flirty, however to my frustration nothing seemed to be happening. I was basically convinced I was friend zoned, but I didnt want to give up as this girl just does something crazy to me - cant get her out of my head. Anyhow, fast forward a week or so and I ended up meeting up with her late Saturday night for a an hour before last call at a bar, we managed to squeeze in a dance and talked for a while until her bus came. We left it with a nice hug and she texted me a few hours later saying she had fun and she would like to see me more. This was basically the first time we had been 1 on 1 without mutual friends around. After talking a bit more I have arranged to go out with her next week skating. Now to me (and my name is cluelessguy for a reason) it seems as though I have to make some sort of move during this night. Am I better off just trying to wait for that moment and steal a kiss, or should I maybe talk to her about "us" and if she sees some kind of relationship there? The trouble I am having is we know eachother so its not really your typical first date, and I am seriously overthinking things as I like this girl so much. I am terrified that I will mess up the kiss, that I have got things all twisted, etc.. etc... Anyhow, based on the above how do you think I should proceed on this night? Thanks for any advice. Ask her out on an actual date. Her response will give you your answer.
carhill Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 OP, here's a completely off-the-wall suggestion. Scan for another young lady whom catches your fancy and ask her out on a date. It's OK if she rejects you. If she does, repeat the process. It's OK if it takes a week or a month. This lady is on a pedestal. You can't reach her right now. Better to reach for equals. Trust me. Good luck
Author CluelessGuy1986 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks for the replies. The thing is I did ask her out to go skating and we are going next week. I didnt use the word date, but I didnt think I had to. Do many platonic friends go skating one evening with just eachother? I would have to agree that maybe I have put this girl on a pedestal and I think this skating thing is kind of make or break. Just not quite sure how to approach it. Arrgghh, why do I turn into such mush when it comes to women.
jenifer1972 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Don't think of this as make or break. It does not need to be. Just go, have fun, be yourself, like you would with someone you were not loopy about. Don't push things, and whatever you do, do NOT have any talk about where the relationship is. It is just the start of a friendship. You will scare her off. Do NOT be too intense..Be cool..
dispatch3d Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks for the replies. The thing is I did ask her out to go skating and we are going next week. I didnt use the word date, but I didnt think I had to. Do many platonic friends go skating one evening with just eachother? I would have to agree that maybe I have put this girl on a pedestal and I think this skating thing is kind of make or break. Just not quite sure how to approach it. Arrgghh, why do I turn into such mush when it comes to women. Don't be so black and white about the whole thing. It is make or break! Haha yeah see what I did there. I'm just kiddin with make or break. Just don't do the talk about our feelings thing. Yuck.
Author CluelessGuy1986 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Don't think of this as make or break. It does not need to be. Just go, have fun, be yourself, like you would with someone you were not loopy about. Don't push things, and whatever you do, do NOT have any talk about where the relationship is. It is just the start of a friendship. You will scare her off. Do NOT be too intense..Be cool.. Thanks for this. I think I am just going to have fun as we usually do and let what happens happen. My only hangup is that if this relationship will ever progress I have to make a move sooner or later which is why I said make or break, reading back that is a bit dramatic. Just dont want to regret this down the line for maybe not pursuing a relationship and also dont want to make an ass of myself by "making a move" and botching it. At least I know the talk is a bad idea.
phineas Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Stop thinking in terms of "relationship". They can smell that stuff you know. lol. I was "hanging out" with someone at least 5 or 6 times before she came to my house & kissed me. I asked her on a proper date & she freaked saying she didn't want anything serious. HUH? a date is a date is a date. but from now on i'm just going to meet with women & just go for the physical aspect & let them bring up any talk of anything & keep talking to other women. Bottom line, unless you are more attractive than her with tons of options, she KNOWS what you want.
Author CluelessGuy1986 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Stop thinking in terms of "relationship". They can smell that stuff you know. lol. I was "hanging out" with someone at least 5 or 6 times before she came to my house & kissed me. I asked her on a proper date & she freaked saying she didn't want anything serious. HUH? a date is a date is a date. but from now on i'm just going to meet with women & just go for the physical aspect & let them bring up any talk of anything & keep talking to other women. Bottom line, unless you are more attractive than her with tons of options, she KNOWS what you want. When you say physical aspect you mean you are just going to make moves and let whats happens happen without worrying about all that over stuff ?
jenifer1972 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 There is a subtle mindset shift you have to adopt. One of " we are dating to see if we are compatible , and i am not sure yet" as opposed to " I really want a relationship with you and let's hurry up and get there". Any slight amount of desperation will be picked up on and that is the kiss of death.
phineas Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 When you say physical aspect you mean you are just going to make moves and let whats happens happen without worrying about all that over stuff ? yep. hold her hand when skating. Don't be creepy about it. Have fun. If she lets you. Hug her good-bye, position yourself for a kiss but pause a second to see what she does then go for it. You'll know if she's interested or not soon enough. Don't apologize if she shoots you down though.
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