IceIceBaby Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 6 months. I am 28 and he is 32. From day one I knew we were different in certain ways but I'm starting to realize how different we are in regards to our communication styles and the problems it's causing. Basically he is a louder, more outgoing and straightforward person. He tells it like it is no matter the situation. He is a good person at heart and never has bad intentions, but sometimes he comes off like such an ass. I'm an honest person as well but I always think about the way I word things so as not to hurt someones feelings...especially when it's the person I'm in a relationship with. I realize 9 out of 10 times he's just cracking a joke but I have a hard time looking past his delivery. Lately this has led to stupid fights and me worrying that I'm being oversensitive. He recently told me he loves spending time with me and I make him happy but he can't figure out what he's doing wrong. I've told him my concerns and he always says he's trying but that's just his personality and how he is and how he was raised. I spend alot of time with his family and his dad and siblings are the same way so I know it's what he's used to but I wish he would adjust a little when it comes to me. Plus his last relationship was 7 years with a girl who was very similar to him...she was always in his face, nagging him and they fought constantly. My last relationship was 4 years with a guy who was more like me...a little more sensitive and very concerned about my feelings. I think my ex was not a typical guy and I feel like my current boyfriend is a typical guy...a little more dense and rough around the edges and not at all what I'm used to. Ultimately we love spending time together. We both look forward to seeing each other and want the same things in life. Has anyone else had to adjust to a boyfriend or girlfriend's different communication style? He's a great guy with a good heart and I know he's crazy about me, but how can we adjust here?
depplover_1980 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 You sound like an introvert while he sounds like an extrovert, which yes are very different things but it is a combination that can be successful once you establish the dynamics correctly. Good news is you have started to tell him the things he says that you find hurtful and that is a start. Though I agree that you cannot change his core personality, I am a firm believer and proof that anyone can change; it is about social intelligence to a degree, adapting to people and surroundings and how to act/what to say. So if he continues you do need to again tell him what is hurtful and that yes he CAN change it and 'bite his tongue' and get out of the habit. On the flipside you perhaps need to become a little tougher and take things lighter and less personal, in the long run this will help you in life
Jazzari Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I was in the same situation at one time. He got a little softer, I got alot tougher. It worked out just fine. And I got to where I enjoyed our exchanges. There's something to be said about not having to walk on eggshells all the time.
A O Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I think my ex was not a typical guy and I feel like my current boyfriend is a typical guy Both are typical guys. Has anyone else had to adjust to a boyfriend or girlfriend's different communication style? He's a great guy with a good heart and I know he's crazy about me, but how can we adjust here?Its almost nearly impossible to change someone with such ingrained behavior. The two of you are incompatible communication wise. The question is not whether anyone can adjust, the question is can you put up with this behavior, with this big difference in communication style. My answer is that in the long term, if not in the here and now - no you can't, and neither should you. At the moment you're still hooked on his personality, you're still in the honeymoon period, but as time goes on, this will become an even bigger issue than it already is. Good luck, but my vast experience in these matters tells me that you have a limited future together. .
Recommended Posts