panicattack22 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I am so confused right now. I'm having that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomache. Something just doesn't seem right....again...ugh In my last post, I was upset about my boyfriend having a bunch of his ex-girlfriends stuff lying around the house. We eneded up getting into a huge fight about it, but he did get rid of everything right after. I was under the assumption that he hadn't talked to his ex of 3 years for about a year, but then found out that he had only been single for 2 months before we started dating. I was shocked. Every time I ask him something, he tells me that the past is the past and it doesn't matter. I agree to an extent, but if I would have known that he had just recently gotten out of that relationship, I wouldn't have allowed things to move as quickly as they did. The only information about the relationship that he has given me, is that she was mean to him, and it was pretty pointless to be with her. He also said that he came home from work one day and most of her stuff was gone, and then he called her and they had words, then it was over. It was brought up once again a few days later, and he changed the story...he said he didnt call her, he just left it alone after he saw that her stuff was gone. When I questioned his consistancy, he said that he never told me he called her to end it. He lied. But if he believes that the past doesn't matter, why not be honest about it? He's obviously hiding something. I feel like a total rebound, and I fear that he is still talking to her. The past few weeks, he's been getting restricted calls, which I find odd. Maybe a few times a week, that I know of, but he deletes them out of his call log...makes me suspicious. He says he has no clue who it is, he doesn't answer restricted calls. I called him restricted to see if he would answer and he didn't...so I don't know??? I'm sure by now, you are thinking "Why are you still with this guy? You must be an idiot." That's what I think to myself sometimes too. My problem is that when we aren't fighting about that, things seem almost perfect. Besides this issue, he is pretty much the man of my dreams. He is a great boyfriend..he's a total gentleman, he spoils the crap out of me, and is very affectionate. We talk about the future a lot, me moving in, our wedding and even kids. Also, since that big fight, if I express that I'm not happy about something, he makes efforts to improve it. He definitely acts as though he's not planning on going anywhere. So I am just really confused about what to think. I go back and forth all the time with it. I know that I don't want to lose him but knowing that he's lied to my face is causing major trust issues. Something isn't right...any advice?
Jazzari Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I don't see alot of red flags myself. The "lie" could have been a simple miscommunication. And I wouldn't worry about the restricted calls. I think you're in danger of pushing him away and you're getting obsessed with his past. Decide if you trust him or not. If you do, then leave the past alone and concentrate on what you two have together.
carhill Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Backstory 'Moving forward, I need transparent and honest communication to feel healthy in this relationship. Since we've discussed cohabiting and marriage, this is very important to me. The past is the past. What happens from this moment forward is my truth. How do you feel about that?' I observe that this gentleman appears to be situationally specific. IOW, if you don't inquire specifically, he is ambiguous in his answers. People like this can be tedious. I'd recommend PMC if you choose to move forward on the M. Good luck
Author panicattack22 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Thank you both for your input...you are both right. I think that I am definitely becomming obsessed with this whole situation, and I am having a really hard time getting over it. It's hard to let it go when all he does is lie when I try to talk to him about it. We are fighting right now because I asked him about the restricted calls and he claims that he has no idea what I am talking about. Of course it's all deleted from his phone. It makes it worse when he tries telling me that I am making all of this up...how am I supposed to not be mad when he is just making it worse? Ugh =( And Carhill you are dead on with how he is...is really frustrating trying to communicate with him.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I think that I am definitely becomming obsessed with this whole situation. Thank god I met a great girl that doesn't get like this.
purplepanda Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Well if he really is as sweet as you say, then he's hiding something so it won't hurt you. But I think that some of your suspicions could be accurate because it's weird that he lied about them breaking up a year ago, but it'd only been about 6 or 8 weeks?? He's obviously not telling you something, and it must be important, otherwise he would've fessed up by now.
Author panicattack22 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Thank god I met a great girl that doesn't get like this. Let me clarify...I have issues not about his past relationship, only the fact that he is lying about it. It just makes me wonder, that's all. I understand that everyone has a past and I don't need the details of everything, but it seems like he's hiding something and I'm just trying to look out for myself. If he is still hung up on her or talking to her, I believe I have a right to know.
SarcasticBlonde Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Thank god I met a great girl that doesn't get like this. Maybe she does and doesn't tell you...
Author panicattack22 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 But I think that some of your suspicions could be accurate because it's weird that he lied about them breaking up a year ago, but it'd only been about 6 or 8 weeks?? He's obviously not telling you something, and it must be important, otherwise he would've fessed up by now. Exactly my point. Thanks for understanding.
Recommended Posts