AlwaysRisk Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Okay, so I've been in my LDR for almost 6 months now, doesn't sound long at all but I do feel like its been alot longer. (Not necessarily in a bad way, just that we're already very comfortable around each other, and know each other very well.) I'm in England, he's in Scotland, and until recently things have been great, I couldn't really ask for a better boyfriend and I love him to bits. We've managed to see each other quite often and always have a good time together, 4 weeks being the longest we've gone without. When we aren't together I speak to him on the phone at least twice a day and text and Skype etc... I spent NYE up there with him and his family and I had a really lovely time for the whole 2 weeks, and get on with his family and friends so well. As does he with mine. Recently my heads been all over the place, I can't exactly pinpoint the reason why, just alot of small things amounting to a bigger problem which is why I'm so confused. I've never felt like this before, in fact I've been on the other end of the stick and it hurt like hell but basically... I'm 19, in my first year at University, and I've been in 3 long term relationships in the past 4 years. And I've just started doubting whether being in another one is really the best idea, I feel like I've not had time to just be myself, be single, young and just look out for number 1's happiness. But I love this guy, I really do and I worry that I might make a big mistake and let a really good thing go for nothing. Have any of you ever been in this situation? What did you do?
folieadeux Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 My boyfriend's from Scotland too. Like you said, I think you just want to live your life outside of a relationship. You're only 19 and, if I did the math correctly, it seems like you've spent the bulk of your teenage years in serious relationships. It's completely understandable, especially with just entering university, that you crave that freedom you haven't had. Sounds like you have a great guy and that you have the ability to make this relationship work without sacrificing your goals. This is where an LDR may actually work in your favor. Use the time apart to get a good education and have fun meeting new friends. If it's meant to be for the pair of you, it'll all just sort itself out.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 having a boyfriend does not mean you have to give up your individuality
heartshaped Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Have any of you ever been in this situation? What did you do? I was. I left. Not immediately of course and not with this being the only issue, but this did boil down to being the major issue between us both. I have only had two serious relationships. The former starting when I was 15 and carrying on throughout all my years in high school and into my first years at university. I just wanted to be single at the end of the day and so did he. Oddly enough, I was single for six months after our break up, grew tired of it, and entered into second said serious relationship. I can't say I regret leaving my ex. It was something that I needed to get out of my system, something we both did. Things might have worked out differently had we been in later stages of life, but honestly, I can't say I regret things working out the way they did. I'm happy now in my current relationship, happier than I've ever been, and that time that I was single was something I needed before settling down potentially for the rest of my life.
blugirl Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I'm 19, in my first year at University, and I've been in 3 long term relationships in the past 4 years. And I've just started doubting whether being in another one is really the best idea, I feel like I've not had time to just be myself, be single, young and just look out for number 1's happiness. But I love this guy, I really do and I worry that I might make a big mistake and let a really good thing go for nothing. Have any of you ever been in this situation? What did you do? Oh how I understand you, girl It's very similar situation to mine, though I'm 23 now and there just wasnt a time without men by my side since my teenage years so after I broke up with my ex I was happy but soon feelings started to grow between me and the guy from the other side of the world... at the beginning I was angry at...(yeah, who?) that AGAIN I'm not left alone even for a moment, I really needed and still need to sort myself out before entering a serious relationship.... but then I couldn't help being attached more and more... and now I find LDR a real blessing in disguise because it gives me some more time to sort myself out and enables to make plans together already
Bridgey Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Yup, I've been there too. I'm currently 19 as well, and I was with my ex from the time that I was 15 until I was 18. After we broke up I started dating my current bf almost immediately after, and we've been together for 9 months now. There are definitely times when I think to myself "I bet it would be fun to be single and flirty and go out and meet a bunch of new guys", but then I think about how good I have it with my bf. It definitely helps that me and him have active lives apart from each other. We're both full time college students, I have a part time job, and we're always hanging out with our friends separate from each other. I understand that being in a LDR it can sometimes be -harder- to have your own life apart from your bf, because you always miss him and always want to talk to him. If you feel like being single for a while then by all means take this time to be single and have some fun! You are young and there are always going to be a million other guys out there when you do feel like settling down. But if you think this may just be a phase and you are truly happy with your bf then stick around and make the best of your relationship:)
Author AlwaysRisk Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Thankyou for replying everyone I understand what all of you mean, on one side and LDR is pretty much a perfect situation because you have you're own space alot of the time. Thing is, recently it doesn't feel that way. We speak on the phone everyday, we text continuously throughout the day aswell, and it just feels a bit...smothering? The story continues and explains my point better...last night I went out all of my friends at Uni, started off at a pub, I text my boyfriend to say I'd gone out and would call him when I was back. He said thats fine, he was out with his friends too. I ended up going into town with my friends for a good night out, again I text him to let him know where I was etc and that I'd call him when I was home. He said it was all good. About an hour and a half we start walking back and I get a text saying "What happened to speaking to me?". I decide that as I'm 5 mins from being home I'll leave it until then to call and talk properly. He rings me just as I'm walking through the door, very upset saying he's been thinking too much tonight and that he's finding it really hard and just doesn't want to lose me etc... And I was a bit taken back by this, I mean I agree it does get hard sometimes but my god, our situation could be alot worse. To be honest, it kind of put a downer on a really good night out. We've already planned when he's next coming up (next week!). Really, with all this constant communication still not being enough I just feel this isn't going down a good road at the moment. I need to be able to enjoy myself while we're apart, not both of us feeling down all the time. -Sigh- I hate that this sounds so high-schooly.
creighton0123 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 "I feel like I've not had time to just be myself, be single, young and just look out for number 1's happiness." Why do you feel as though you can't just be yourself, be young, and be happy because you're in a romantic relationship? Individuality and happiness have little, if anything to do with whether or not you're single. It sounds more like you have a latent desire to experience unrestricted freedom. If that's the case, it is unfair to your boyfriend for you to be in a relationship with him. It is perfectly possible to discover yourself while dating him, but if you want to get out, date, and experience things without strings, you may need to cut him loose and go your separate ways. As a side note: You're 20. You have plenty of time for love and romance in your future.
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