What would be the reaction to an "Unapologetic MM"?

[fooled once]

Here just like in real life...if someone came to me, or announced, or confided in me that they were secretly wrecking the lives of other people by telling them all lies and actively betraying their trust , and keeping important life decision making facts away from them...and that they liked it:

 

I would tell him. You are a piece of crap.

 

If they came to me with the same information and said that they were unhappy with their actions, confused, or wanted some advice as to what to do:

 

I would tell them in my opionion, how to stop being a piece of crap.

 

 

love this post 2sure!!

 

and BB07 - :laugh::laugh: me too!!

[pureinheart]

Meds are your friends hommie!

(and no I am not medicated)

 

This place is just amazing! Makes my heart gleem with joy to see how many people are hurt. Would this make me an UnapologeticBBS? Come on! I am very competitive, I gotta get as many titles as possible. I only got one life to live, let me live it up! No really...

 

May or may not be medicated, although something is definitely going on...this is not the Mimo that first came here.

[OWoman]

Well here's some paraphrased posts hypothetically from an unapologetic AP - genders reversed.

Certainly similar posts by the OW passed virtually without comment.

 

Interesting - I recognise SOME of that as something I wrote. Some of it I don't recognise at all, and wonder if the use of "paraphrase" (above) includes "twist and warp"?

 

I've stated quite openly many times here that my As were only ever meant for very part-time sexual satisfaction, and that this was negotiated by mutual agreement, completely openly and honestly with both parties from the start. So every MM I got involved with knew exactly where he stood from the outset - and agreed to those terms.

 

And if two consenting adults agree - who are a bunch of random outsiders to act horrified? They were happy to be hot steaks; why express outrage that they were treated as such? It's what they signed up for (with informed consent).

 

As for the "every guy I screwed fell in love with me" crap - that's just crap. Nowhere have I ever claimed that, which quite possibly may be why my original posts passed without comment. They weren't warped into deluded fantasies worthy of outraged comment, they were simply statements of how I'd concluded my agreements.

 

But nice try, though - you seem to have gotten the response you sought.

[OWoman]

The "unapologetic OW" that we've seen here....came when they were in conflict. They weren't happy with some aspect of their situation when they came, and came looking for some kind of answers.

 

And they either got their answers, or made a choice about their situation after they arrived.

 

They weren't "unapologetic" when they arrived.

 

I wasn't in conflict when I arrived here. I was unapologetic, and stated that at the outset (though I may not have used that term - IDR, and the thread has long since been deleted under a deluge of insults, which illustrates my point: the haters attacked me with the worst words in their vocabulary because I was unrepentant and unapologetic).

 

I posted here initially because I wanted some input from other OWs about a particular situation that my then-MM was facing, and how it might be read (by his BW) if he responded one way or another. I was looking for input - I already had my own view on that, but wanted to bounce it off others to see if my view was shared. I was certainly not in any conflict about the R, or about its future. I knew where I stood and what I wanted.

 

If you can find any posts of mine anywhere on LS that suggest otherwise, please provide links.

[OWoman]

Back to the OP:

 

We've seen the term "unapologetic OW" coined here on LS, and it tends to stir reactions at some points.

 

I'm curious tho...how would everyone respond to an "unapologetic MM" if he were to post here?

 

If such a person were to create a thread along the lines of:

 

"Hello, I'm (unapologetic MM), and I wanted to share my story. I've been married 15 years, and engaged in an affair for 3. My wife doesn't know/doesn't suspect the affair. My two lives are completely seperated. Of course my OW knows of my marriage and my family, and we've talked about me leaving to be with her, but only in passing. In order to maintain the status quo, I tell my wife what she needs to hear to keep the affair hidden and avoid fights. I also tell my OW what she needs to hear to continue the affair and avoid fights.

 

This is my life, this is how I want it, and I don't apologize for it. I get what I want, and that's all that matters."

 

What's your feeling on that?

 

(disclaimer...those of you who have read my posts/threads clearly know that this is a hypothetical only discussion)

 

I think the response would be:

 

I think an unapologetic OW would sympathize with him. There may be questions about what the wife does or does not do to make him want to continue his affair.

 

There may be BW's and OW's who ask why he doesn't leave his wife to be with the OW. OW's may have issues with the fact that he is admitting that he lies to both women.

 

I'm sure there would be many pointing out the obvious (maybe not to him) wrong he is doing to his wife. The point that she should be able to make her own decision about staying with him would be made.

 

I'm sure he would be asked if he loves his wife and/or the OW.

 

No matter what his answers, the thread would have thousand of views and go on forever. Until it got really nasty and then it would get shut down.

 

How would I respond...

 

I would probably respond as I respond to any new poster - I would read his post and respond to any questions he asked (there are none in your post, but hypothetically had he asked any, I would respond to those, as he asked). If he didn't ask for advice or support, but simply to make a statement of "here I am", I would respond by acknowledging that, and his right to feel that. I would ask him what he wanted long term, and how he hoped to achieve that - if it was to perpetuate his current situation (two women, both partial Rs) then I would support that, though I would question the sustainability of keeping up two Rs which are both based on dishonesty. I personally don't know a single person who has been able to do that, though I don't doubt that such people may exist - but if he is going to be long-term dishonest with both women, he'd need to accept the personal cost to himself and his own perception of himself as honest and of integrity, and I'd engage him on the pros and cons from his perspective to ensure that he was making an informed and sustainable choice that was in his best interest. I am not society's watchdog, but I would want to establish that he knew what he was doing and was choosing it knowing the potential consequences, and was happy with that.

 

Not sure if that answers your question?

[Owl]

If you can find any posts of mine anywhere on LS that suggest otherwise, please provide links.

 

Which is why I spelled it very clearly in my post that this was my OPINION...and that I was not trying to state it as FACT.

[Owl]

Back to the OP:

 

 

 

I think the response would be:

 

 

 

How would I respond...

 

I would probably respond as I respond to any new poster - I would read his post and respond to any questions he asked (there are none in your post, but hypothetically had he asked any, I would respond to those, as he asked). If he didn't ask for advice or support, but simply to make a statement of "here I am", I would respond by acknowledging that, and his right to feel that. I would ask him what he wanted long term, and how he hoped to achieve that - if it was to perpetuate his current situation (two women, both partial Rs) then I would support that, though I would question the sustainability of keeping up two Rs which are both based on dishonesty. I personally don't know a single person who has been able to do that, though I don't doubt that such people may exist - but if he is going to be long-term dishonest with both women, he'd need to accept the personal cost to himself and his own perception of himself as honest and of integrity, and I'd engage him on the pros and cons from his perspective to ensure that he was making an informed and sustainable choice that was in his best interest. I am not society's watchdog, but I would want to establish that he knew what he was doing and was choosing it knowing the potential consequences, and was happy with that.

 

Not sure if that answers your question?

 

Yep, that's a pretty good answer to the question. Thank you!

[OWoman]

Which is why I spelled it very clearly in my post that this was my OPINION...and that I was not trying to state it as FACT.

 

OK

 

You now have the facts

[Owl]

OK

 

You now have the facts

 

Yup...and now I gotta figure out how the facts change/affect my opinion.

[moloko]

I wasn't in conflict when I arrived here. I was unapologetic, and stated that at the outset (though I may not have used that term - IDR, and the thread has long since been deleted under a deluge of insults, which illustrates my point: the haters attacked me with the worst words in their vocabulary because I was unrepentant and unapologetic).

 

 

funny you should think that those that are appalled at the actions of an unapologetic OW/OM are seen as haters, rather than someone who would callously hurt someone else in real life as a hater.

 

i think people that cheat and sleep with other people's spouses are the haters. they can basically destroy, or help to destroy someone elses world, but then get appalled when someone calls them on their lousy behavior? especially when the behavior is coupled with the "i don't give a rats ass about anyone, and I'm going to get mine" attitude.

Edited January 28, 2011 by moloko

[OWoman]

funny you should think that those that are appalled at the actions of an unapologetic OW/OM are seen as haters, rather than someone who would callously hurt someone else in real life as a hater.

 

i think people that cheat and sleep with other people's spouses are the haters. they can basically destroy, or help to destroy someone elses world, but then get appalled when someone calls them on their lousy behavior? especially when the behavior is coupled with the "i don't give a rats ass about anyone, and I'm going to get mine" attitude.

 

I didn't "not give a rats ass about anyone", I just didn't give a rats ass about his xW. I had neighbours who beat up on each other. I didn't like them either. I get to choose who I do and don't care for in life - that's how it works. And she drew the short straw

[OWoman]

Yup...and now I gotta figure out how the facts change/affect my opinion.

:laugh: :laugh: No sense of humour failure from Owl...

[donnamaybe]

I didn't "not give a rats ass about anyone", I just didn't give a rats ass about his xW. I had neighbours who beat up on each other. I didn't like them either. I get to choose who I do and don't care for in life - that's how it works. And she drew the short straw

I can fully understand how you could dislike your H's ex. But what about the W's of all the other MM you used to have sex with? Did you even KNOW any of them to dislike them to the point where you didn't mind being involved in helping their H's cheat? Or did you just not "give a flyin' rat's arse"about them?

[OWoman]

I can fully understand how you could dislike your H's ex. But what about the W's of all the other MM you used to have sex with? Did you even KNOW any of them to dislike them to the point where you didn't mind being involved in helping their H's cheat? Or did you just not "give a flyin' rat's arse"about them?

 

They didn't exist in my consciousness to like or dislike or feel for one way or another. I was no threat to them, we inhabited parallel universes. And, in retrospect, I don't know that I affected them in any way at all, so quite likely "what they don't know won't hurt them" didn't hurt them, or affect them one way or another.

[moloko]

I didn't "not give a rats ass about anyone", I just didn't give a rats ass about his xW.

 

well that who I was referring to. thanks for confirming my thoughts on the matter.

 

and apparently by your own words you have had more than one affair. so if you want to call others haters, then based on your own character, you might want to reconsider calling others that.

[OWoman]

well that who I was referring to. thanks for confirming my thoughts on the matter.

 

and apparently by your own words you have had more than one affair. so if you want to call others haters, then based on your own character, you might want to reconsider calling others that.

 

Nope, I don't need to reconsider that, but thanks all the same

[moloko]

I can fully understand how you could dislike your H's ex. But what about the W's of all the other MM you used to have sex with?

 

 

bingo!! exactly

[moloko]

Nope, I don't need to reconsider that, but thanks all the same

 

fine with me, because I know who the real hater is.

 

i'd rather be the person disgusted with that type of behavior of hurting other people in real life, than the person that would callously do it and not care who they hurt.

[OWoman]

fine with me, because I know who the real hater is.

 

i'd rather be the person disgusted with that type of behavior of hurting other people in real life, than the person that would callously do it and not care who they hurt.

 

Oh I do care WHO might get hurt - and she's as deserving as the next

[moloko]

Oh I do care WHO might get hurt - and she's as deserving as the next

 

i rest my case. utterly disgusting

[donnamaybe]

Oh I do care WHO might get hurt - and she's as deserving as the next

But of those who probably are NOT deserving (all those other spouses you don't know at all) do you care who might get hurt? It doesn't seem so.

[redcurls]

being involved in helping their H's cheat?

 

I don't understand this concept. How does one "help" someone cheat? By holding the H's phone and dialing for him when he wants to call the OW? By making hotel reservations when the H when he wants to see the OW? By forcing the H to think and miss the OW when he is not with her?

 

Are we talking about toddlers here, or are these husbands grown men, who are perfectly capable of conducting full lives with no "help" whatsoever?

 

I understand the need to portray the OW as a predator and a seductress, who manipulated and tricked and "helped" that poor, innocent, man, who otherwise would have never considered being unfaithful, not to mention never had the smarts to know how to dial a phone or type emails unless he was "helped"... But, seriously, wake up and smell the delusion!

[donnamaybe]

I don't understand this concept. How does one "help" someone cheat? By holding the H's phone and dialing for him when he wants to call the OW? By making hotel reservations when the H when he wants to see the OW? By forcing the H to think and miss the OW when he is not with her?

 

Are we talking about toddlers here, or are these husbands grown men, who are perfectly capable of conducting full lives with no "help" whatsoever?

 

I understand the need to portray the OW as a predator and a seductress, who manipulated and tricked and "helped" that poor, innocent, man, who otherwise would have never considered being unfaithful, not to mention never had the smarts to know how to dial a phone or type emails unless he was "helped"... But, seriously, wake up and smell the delusion!

Wake up and smell your own delusion!

 

Did the MM forcibly drag you into a bedroom, hold you down, and "do" you against your will? NOT!

 

We're not discussing an "innocent" WS here. We're discussing an innocent BS who is unaware of the crap going on behind their back.

[redcurls]

Wake up and smell your own delusion!

 

Did the MM forcibly drag you into a bedroom, hold you down, and "do" you against your will? NOT!

 

Actually, YES, he did! Its one of the games we like to play! And we both enjoy it so much! tou should try it sometime, its lots of fun!

[donnamaybe]

Actually, YES, he did! Its one of the games we like to play! And we both enjoy it so much! tou should try it sometime, its lots of fun!

Nopey. I don't play the game where some guy "does" me with the same "thang" he just "did" his W with a few hours prior. My guy keeps it only for me.

 

You should try it some time. It's lots of fun to not have to wonder what kind of "games" my lover is playing with his primary woman.