What would be the reaction to an "Unapologetic MM"?

[Sidtheskid]

Well here's some paraphrased posts hypothetically from an unapologetic AP - genders reversed.

 

Respect!! OW must respect my need for space, independence and my own life. They have their own, and so don't (typically) attempt to crowd, cling, suffocate or possess. They are happy to meet me as an equal, on my terms, at my whim, and (typically) feel no need to parade me around like arm candy to boost their own egos. I found single OW to be such losers, even the ones who looked (on the surface) like women who had it all and had it together. Invariably the time would come - pretty quickly - when I realised why they were single!! Relationships with MOW were far more satisfying. It's nice to be valued and respected and treated to the R you want and you deserve, not relegated to some second-class position in some loser single OW's life.

 

If any OW breaks the conditions - by wanting more, by contacting me in any way, by wanting to become a friend instead of just a lover, by wanting to integrate herself into my life in any way, she's summarily dumped. If I tire of her, she's history. If I look through my phone book and see I haven't called her in a while, she's history. If she buys a new car I don't like, wears an ugly dress or shows any other sign of bad taste - she's history. If she gets clingy, she's history. If she starts talking about her home life, she's history. If she starts wanting to hear about my life, she's history.

 

I lived my life on my terms, I only wanted hot sex with any woman who caught my fancy, every OW I was involved with serviced me on my terms and my time schedule. Every OW I screwed fell in love with me and wanted to marry me so I then dumped every OW who fell in love with me.

 

I wonder how such posts would be greeted?

 

Certainly similar posts by the OW passed virtually without comment.

 

Posts went without comment because they are lies. Lol

[NoIDidn't]

Posts went without comment because they are lies. Lol

 

LOL. They are what was posted by a poster that's actually active here but genders reversed as said.

 

You really think that poster is lying about what they do? Or do you think that a man posting the same is lying?

 

It is unbelievable though. I don't think that OPs are heartless, but the quoted would give most people pause if heard IRL.

[Sidtheskid]

LOL. They are what was posted by a poster that's actually active here but genders reversed as said.

 

You really think that poster is lying about what they do? Or do you think that a man posting the same is lying?

 

It is unbelievable though. I don't think that OPs are heartless, but the quoted would give most people pause if heard IRL.

 

The quoted is a diatribe of feelings. I dont disagree, just offer another view point.

 

I am not angry. I enjoy the reponses.

[jthorne]

Well here's some paraphrased posts hypothetically from an unapologetic AP - genders reversed.

 

Respect!! OW must respect my need for space, independence and my own life. They have their own, and so don't (typically) attempt to crowd, cling, suffocate or possess. They are happy to meet me as an equal, on my terms, at my whim, and (typically) feel no need to parade me around like arm candy to boost their own egos. I found single OW to be such losers, even the ones who looked (on the surface) like women who had it all and had it together. Invariably the time would come - pretty quickly - when I realised why they were single!! Relationships with MOW were far more satisfying. It's nice to be valued and respected and treated to the R you want and you deserve, not relegated to some second-class position in some loser single OW's life.

 

If any OW breaks the conditions - by wanting more, by contacting me in any way, by wanting to become a friend instead of just a lover, by wanting to integrate herself into my life in any way, she's summarily dumped. If I tire of her, she's history. If I look through my phone book and see I haven't called her in a while, she's history. If she buys a new car I don't like, wears an ugly dress or shows any other sign of bad taste - she's history. If she gets clingy, she's history. If she starts talking about her home life, she's history. If she starts wanting to hear about my life, she's history.

 

I lived my life on my terms, I only wanted hot sex with any woman who caught my fancy, every OW I was involved with serviced me on my terms and my time schedule. Every OW I screwed fell in love with me and wanted to marry me so I then dumped every OW who fell in love with me.

 

I wonder how such posts would be greeted?

 

Certainly similar posts by the OW passed virtually without comment.

Wow, SidLyon! When you put it that way, it seems either totally sociopathic or totally fictional. I can't decide which. Since I'd like to think that most people have at least a speck of what's good and decent, I'm going to go with fictional.

[Owl]

I think there are many MP's that are like that. So I don't think that's hypothetical.

 

Especially early on. Then the leaving discussions are lengthy and researched.

 

As much as everyone wants to put out there that MP's don't fall in love or leave, they DO. That's why the majority of posters on this forum are all up in arms about OP's.

 

If they weren't an actual threat to anyone's marriage, no one would CARE.

 

EEG

 

I don't think that the majority of posters on this forum are "up in arms" about OP's.

 

I think that most everyone here knows that that's who they're posting to here.

 

I believe that some MM/MW do leave, don't take me wrong.

 

But I think where you're a little off base with this is that for the vast majority of OW/OM posters who come here for advice...they don't leave. That's why the OW/OM come here to post...because they're dealing with the conflict created by the ongoing affair, with no apparent resolution in sight.

 

There are two regular posters that I can think of on this site where their MM left to be with them. There are two other posters I can think of who profess not to want anything to change in their situation...where they don't want/expect that MM will leave at any point, and all they want to do is continue the affair. Even one of those has indicated that she doesn't expect to accept this status quo forever...she was just comfortable with where it was at for now.

 

The vast majority of the other OW/OM posters that come here have the expectation/hope that their OW/OM will leave at some point...and are typically posting trying to deal with the conflicts created while waiting for that to happen.

 

But all of this is kind of straying from the topic...so I'd like to get this back on topic by asking you EEG...if an MM came and posted what I had in my OP...what would be your response to that?

[bentnotbroken]

Hopefully he would get torn apart.

 

 

As he should be.

[bentnotbroken]

Well there you are, and which BS might you be:D

 

 

Hmmm. Interesting?

[2sure]

Here just like in real life...if someone came to me, or announced, or confided in me that they were secretly wrecking the lives of other people by telling them all lies and actively betraying their trust , and keeping important life decision making facts away from them...and that they liked it:

 

I would tell him. You are a piece of crap.

 

If they came to me with the same information and said that they were unhappy with their actions, confused, or wanted some advice as to what to do:

 

I would tell them in my opionion, how to stop being a piece of crap.

[Mimolicious]

Whoa!

 

What I think.... Nah, never mind what I think, cause my Bombshell Bootylicious Self is gonna get the boot for it.

 

In response to the OP- I am sure he will be cute little nails, hammered in 3 different places from a nice honey glazed T shaped post.

[herenow]

Whoa!

 

What I think.... Nah, never mind what I think, cause my Bombshell Bootylicious Self is gonna get the boot for it.

 

In response to the OP- I am sure he will be cute little nails, hammered in 3 different places from a nice honey glazed T shaped post.

 

Wow, you are on fire today mimo! Quite the BBS! Wish I could be such a good BBS. Any tips?

[donnamaybe]

There you have it .. Right from the horse's mouth .. and reeking of disrespect.

 

Is he saying what other MM are thinking..

He could very well be. How many OW/OM would continue to stay in the A if their MM/MW just came right out and TOLD them they were never going to consider leaving their M - ever - and that they were merely around for fun?

[2sure]

In my experience, MM will tell a woman - wife or OW - what they feel needs to be said. They think an OW needs to hear reasons as to why he needs or deserves to have an affair. OW know that an affair with someone else's husband should be beneath them - so they need to hear and accept those reasons. Whether or not they expect the MM to leave.

 

When I was an OW several times over, all of the MM began our friendship by laying down the ground for depicting himself as needing or deserving the affair through no fault of his own. When they soon realized I wasnt interested in the story or the reasons...they were suddenly quite happy with their circumstances.

 

When someone wants something from someone else that is wrong...the idea has to be sold. ESPECIALLY if they want it from someone who would never "be involved with a MM".

 

Cheaters arent serial killers. An affair is what it is, people do what they have to do in life to get themselves by I guess...but whats with all the bullshyte...why is it such a requirement? It doesnt change anything.

[moloko]

We've seen the term "unapologetic OW" coined here on LS, and it tends to stir reactions at some points.

 

I'm curious tho...how would everyone respond to an "unapologetic MM" if he were to post here?

 

If such a person were to create a thread along the lines of:

 

"Hello, I'm (unapologetic MM), and I wanted to share my story. I've been married 15 years, and engaged in an affair for 3. My wife doesn't know/doesn't suspect the affair. My two lives are completely seperated. Of course my OW knows of my marriage and my family, and we've talked about me leaving to be with her, but only in passing. In order to maintain the status quo, I tell my wife what she needs to hear to keep the affair hidden and avoid fights. I also tell my OW what she needs to hear to continue the affair and avoid fights.

 

This is my life, this is how I want it, and I don't apologize for it. I get what I want, and that's all that matters."

 

What's your feeling on that?

 

that only certain groups can cause pain and destruction and think they are the only ones that are entitled to be "unapologetic"

[moloko]

Here just like in real life...if someone came to me, or announced, or confided in me that they were secretly wrecking the lives of other people by telling them all lies and actively betraying their trust , and keeping important life decision making facts away from them...and that they liked it:

 

I would tell him. You are a piece of crap.

 

I agree, he would be a piece of crap. But if he were told this by an OW, it would be highly hypocritical.

[2sure]

I agree, he would be a piece of crap. But if he were told this by an OW, it would be highly hypocritical.

 

What other woman would tell him something like that?

[moloko]

 

What other woman would tell him something like that?

 

based on the writings of alot here, I'd bet there would be some takers. Its all about the OW/OM feeling they have no responsibility to anyone since they aren't the ones married.

[Mimolicious]

Wow, you are on fire today mimo! Quite the BBS! Wish I could be such a good BBS. Any tips?

 

Meds are your friends hommie!

(and no I am not medicated)

 

This place is just amazing! Makes my heart gleem with joy to see how many people are hurt. Would this make me an UnapologeticBBS? Come on! I am very competitive, I gotta get as many titles as possible. I only got one life to live, let me live it up! No really...

[Spark1111]

Here just like in real life...if someone came to me, or announced, or confided in me that they were secretly wrecking the lives of other people by telling them all lies and actively betraying their trust , and keeping important life decision making facts away from them...and that they liked it:

 

I would tell him. You are a piece of crap.

 

If they came to me with the same information and said that they were unhappy with their actions, confused, or wanted some advice as to what to do:

 

I would tell them in my opionion, how to stop being a piece of crap.

 

And I think that is what it comes down to for the majority of posters here.

 

If you are happy, ecstatic with your affair, it would be unusual to post here seeking any ADVICE from anyone.

 

If you are happy, ecstatic that your spouse has stopped having an affair and has re-committed to you, doubt you are posting here seeking ADVICE from anyone.

 

The majority of the romance fourms on love shack IMO are people grappling with the pain, joy, and insecurities caused by the all imperfect, messy relationship world.

 

We are seeking answers, or reasons, or questioning the motivations, or trying to understand the action or inaction of our SOs.

 

So, should the reasons matter? Maybe not.

 

But I truly believe that is why we are here and why we come back to this forum.

[Spark1111]

Then there was the other one who was recently broken up and didnt know what to do with himself (should I stay or should I go) I need to stay and am still in love with OW) and he got trashed by BSs on the board and many OWs rallied to his cause and it became a food fight.

 

jj33, as do all the reformed MM who posted they lovingly returned to their wives and are trashed by OWs and BSs rally to their cause.

[Owl]

I agree that's why most people come here...and why you won't really see someone who's not in conflict in some fashion come here.

 

Now...for many of us, that conflict has long since past, and we've stayed for various reasons...mostly to offer advice/support in the same way that we received advice/support during our times of troubles.

 

And I'd believe that an MM who came here posting what I described would probably not have a reason to come here at all...he'd be content with where he was...no conflict...and so not be here at all.

 

BUT...that's why I listed this as hypothetical.

 

The term "unapologetic OW" has been coined and used...but I was curious how people would react to an MM who felt the same way. I'd forgotten about the threads that a few people had brought up from the past on the subject.

 

Interesting when you consider it tho.

[donnamaybe]

I agree that's why most people come here...and why you won't really see someone who's not in conflict in some fashion come here.

But if "unapologetic OW" exist on LS, why not "unapologetic MM?"

[Owl]

You're asking for an OPINION on why we'd see "unapologetic OW" but not "unapologetic MM".

 

I point that out because I'm going to respond with my OPINION...which is simply that...my opinion and clearly not something I'm stating as fact.

 

The "unapologetic OW" that we've seen here....came when they were in conflict. They weren't happy with some aspect of their situation when they came, and came looking for some kind of answers.

 

And they either got their answers, or made a choice about their situation after they arrived.

 

They weren't "unapologetic" when they arrived.

 

I won't quote stories...it's against TOS to mention someone else's situation on a seperate thread.

 

But the situations I can think of...there was conflict. One was insistent that she was unapologetic...and eventually was insistent that she was happy with her situation. But if you look at her first threads, she was clearly unhappy with the fact that her MM was still with his wife, and expressed (initially) the desire/intent that someday he'd leave his wife...but then decided that she wouldn't put a timeframe on that as long as he showed some undefined/nebulous amount of progress.

 

Others were indeed content being an OW as often as they liked and whenever she liked...until they settled with one of their MM into relationships once they left their wives.

 

There is only one TRULY "unapologetic OW" I can recall on this site...an OW in a totally uncommitted, pretty much physical only relationships...and I will admit that to this day I never understood why she posted here. I've suspected she wasn't nearly as happy internally as she claimed, but there's truly no way to see that from the other side of the internet.

 

So there's my OPINION...and I'm posting it as that only, not as fact in any fashion.

[Spark1111]

You're asking for an OPINION on why we'd see "unapologetic OW" but not "unapologetic MM".

 

I point that out because I'm going to respond with my OPINION...which is simply that...my opinion and clearly not something I'm stating as fact.

 

The "unapologetic OW" that we've seen here....came when they were in conflict. They weren't happy with some aspect of their situation when they came, and came looking for some kind of answers.

 

And they either got their answers, or made a choice about their situation after they arrived.

 

They weren't "unapologetic" when they arrived.

 

I won't quote stories...it's against TOS to mention someone else's situation on a seperate thread.

 

But the situations I can think of...there was conflict. One was insistent that she was unapologetic...and eventually was insistent that she was happy with her situation. But if you look at her first threads, she was clearly unhappy with the fact that her MM was still with his wife, and expressed (initially) the desire/intent that someday he'd leave his wife...but then decided that she wouldn't put a timeframe on that as long as he showed some undefined/nebulous amount of progress.

 

Others were indeed content being an OW as often as they liked and whenever she liked...until they settled with one of their MM into relationships once they left their wives.

 

There is only one TRULY "unapologetic OW" I can recall on this site...an OW in a totally uncommitted, pretty much physical only relationships...and I will admit that to this day I never understood why she posted here. I've suspected she wasn't nearly as happy internally as she claimed, but there's truly no way to see that from the other side of the internet.

 

So there's my OPINION...and I'm posting it as that only, not as fact in any fashion.

 

So Owl, does that make us unapologetic BSs??

[BB07]

Do I get to be an unapologetic reformed...........OW? ;)

[Lucius]

Darth Vader: "Apology Accepted."