What would be the reaction to an "Unapologetic MM"?

[Owl]

We've seen the term "unapologetic OW" coined here on LS, and it tends to stir reactions at some points.

 

I'm curious tho...how would everyone respond to an "unapologetic MM" if he were to post here?

 

If such a person were to create a thread along the lines of:

 

"Hello, I'm (unapologetic MM), and I wanted to share my story. I've been married 15 years, and engaged in an affair for 3. My wife doesn't know/doesn't suspect the affair. My two lives are completely seperated. Of course my OW knows of my marriage and my family, and we've talked about me leaving to be with her, but only in passing. In order to maintain the status quo, I tell my wife what she needs to hear to keep the affair hidden and avoid fights. I also tell my OW what she needs to hear to continue the affair and avoid fights.

 

This is my life, this is how I want it, and I don't apologize for it. I get what I want, and that's all that matters."

 

What's your feeling on that?

 

(disclaimer...those of you who have read my posts/threads clearly know that this is a hypothetical only discussion)

[whichwayisup]

I think the poor guy would be pounced on and have to face alot of questions and heat from not just OW and BS's but even those who aren't in an affair.

 

My question to him would be, right now you're unapologetic, but when your wife finds out, would you still be unapologetic or would you feel remorse and regret, hurting and betraying her.

 

Interesting question Owl. Look forward to seeing other responses.

[desertIslandCactus]

I'm assuming that the men these OWs are with - Are the sample man you describe.

 

Sin is sin - whether it be the OW or the MM trashing their lives and the lives of others in the scenario.

[herenow]

I think an unapologetic OW would sympathize with him. There may be questions about what the wife does or does not do to make him want to continue his affair.

 

There may be BW's and OW's who ask why he doesn't leave his wife to be with the OW. OW's may have issues with the fact that he is admitting that he lies to both women.

 

I'm sure there would be many pointing out the obvious (maybe not to him) wrong he is doing to his wife. The point that she should be able to make her own decision about staying with him would be made.

 

I'm sure he would be asked if he loves his wife and/or the OW.

 

No matter what his answers, the thread would have thousand of views and go on forever. Until it got really nasty and then it would get shut down.

[NoIDidn't]

OWL,

 

We've already had one post here and the OWs, and some others, were all over him for "using" people and being "arrogant" and "wasting the time" of his W and OW.

 

It was the ONLY time I've ever seen the unapologetic OW show a level of compassion for the W.

 

Thing is, while those posters threw everything but the kitchen sink at that MM, he didn't care.

 

At least that part was consistent with the thought that being unapologetic seems to bring to mind.

[thomasb]

Not sure about that Owl. However I can attest to being an apologetic MM who is truly sick at the thought of what I did. It doesn't seem to go over well!:lmao::lmao: They only wish to hear that their MMs' love only them and are leaving, like, yesterday for them because they are so much better in every way than the BW or BH. Which is usually not the case at all. In my opinion of course. Must add that, musn't we!

[jthorne]

Here ya go: Unapologetic MM.

 

Not sure it counts though since it is second-hand...

But since it is second hand, I guess it's about as hypothetical as your scenario.

Edited January 26, 2011 by jthorne

[siuys]

My feeling on that today would be, yeah, whatever. It's your life, if you can live without integrity, be my guest.

[jj33]

We had one on here and he was so so so arrogant so misogynist and so hateful it was horrible. He really hated women didnt know why the OW didnt know her place. In the end many of us concluded that it was a BS trolling as a MM.

[Woggle]

Hopefully he would get torn apart.

[whichwayisup]

We had one on here and he was so so so arrogant so misogynist and so hateful it was horrible. He really hated women didnt know why the OW didnt know her place. In the end many of us concluded that it was a BS trolling as a MM.

 

I don't remember the guy, but all I can say about the part I bolded, isn't that a happy OW? An OW who is okay with being the OW, knows her role in the affair..

 

I wish Lizzie was still on LS. Her thoughts on this would be interesting.

 

(Shout out to you, Lizzie, if you're still read on LS. Hope all is well with you!)

[woinlove]

We had one on here and he was so so so arrogant so misogynist and so hateful it was horrible. He really hated women didnt know why the OW didnt know her place. In the end many of us concluded that it was a BS trolling as a MM.

 

Was the conclusion that no MM could be such a jerk if he really is a MM?

[jj33]

Was the conclusion that no MM could be such a jerk if he really is a MM?

 

No the conclusion was that he was such a jerk that anyone who would get within 100 yards of him let alone sleep with him would have to have serious mental issues.

[jj33]

I don't remember the guy, but all I can say about the part I bolded, isn't that a happy OW? An OW who is okay with being the OW, knows her role in the affair..

 

I wish Lizzie was still on LS. Her thoughts on this would be interesting.

 

(Shout out to you, Lizzie, if you're still read on LS. Hope all is well with you!)

 

No he was saying on no uncertain terms she should be happy to be a hole nothing more, should make no demands on him whatsoever and should only want him for sex and understand that is all he wanted from her. He was really really misogynist. It was definitely a troll because noone who reads this forum and sees what the majority of the OW want from their relationships would post here or on the infidelity board asking for advice on how to find that kind of relationship.

[whichwayisup]

No he was saying on no uncertain terms she should be happy to be a hole nothing more, should make no demands on him whatsoever and should only want him for sex and understand that is all he wanted from her.

 

Ahhh k. That guy was a troll. Or if he did feel that way, he truly was f..ked up and a narcissist.

[jj33]

Ahhh k. That guy was a troll. Or if he did feel that way, he truly was f..ked up and a narcissist.

 

Exactly. He claimed to be having trouble controlling his OW. Didnt know why she didnt know her place. It was clear after a few posts that it was a troll or as you say seriously fd up. I suggested if he wanted to totally control someone treat them like dirt and get some, he find someone who was into being humiliated. He didnt take well to that.

[jj33]

Then there was the other one who was recently broken up and didnt know what to do with himself (should I stay or should I go) I need to stay and am still in love with OW) and he got trashed by BSs on the board and many OWs rallied to his cause and it became a food fight.

[OpenBook]

My question to him would be, right now you're unapologetic, but when your wife finds out, would you still be unapologetic or would you feel remorse and regret, hurting and betraying her.

 

I wonder how true that is IRL... his feelings of remorse (or lack thereof) are completely dependent on whether his W finds out?? That's totally messed up. But why should I be surprised. Most marriages I've witnessed are already totally messed up. "A very fine line between love & hate" and so on. {{{OB shudders}}}

 

To answer the OP, I would definitely have a lot of questions for him. Like, does he feel he is "in love" with his OW? Does he still love his W? Does he think everything's OK because both women seem to accept his lies? Does he feel it's OK to lie to women in general (mainly to keep the peace, and keep all that lovin' comin')?

 

Gah, I'm so glad I'm single!!

[pureinheart]

We had one on here and he was so so so arrogant so misogynist and so hateful it was horrible. He really hated women didnt know why the OW didnt know her place. In the end many of us concluded that it was a BS trolling as a MM.

 

 

I remember that troll...lol

[desertIslandCactus]

Anyone that gets involved with a married guy should be happiest knowing their place. There is nothing narcissistic about that.

 

There you have it .. Right from the horse's mouth .. and reeking of disrespect.

 

Is he saying what other MM are thinking..

[pureinheart]

Anyone that gets involved with a married guy should be happiest knowing their place. There is nothing narcissistic about that.

 

Well there you are, and which BS might you be:D

[seren]

While there will be unapologetic MM having A's that string both women along, I can also accept that for some, the A is based on a true relationship. IMO, these are the one's that result in the MM leaving his marriage PDQ to be with the OW. However, there are also those where there is no love and the A is a distraction from problems within the man. I am not saying there aren't feelings, but not all A's are based on love, not all are all consuming relationships.

 

In most marriages it isn't the affair per se that is a threat to the marriage, rather the breaking of trust. To assume that all BS feel that their marriages are threatened by the affair is, IMO, wrong, it is the lying and gaslighting that threatens the marriage and relationship. To be honest, after D Day the OW doesn't really occupy too much of the conversation after the initial why's and who questions.

 

It would be so much easier and less hurtful for a MM having an A to come straight out be truthful about what his reasons are for the A. I know the OW loved my H, she thought he felt the same, even though he had never said as much (not an assumption, information from OW) I must admit, it would have been easier for me to understand my H's affair had he loved the OW rather than what it was. The A hurt us all, I feel no pleasure knowing she was hurt, just sad at the whole dammed mess.

 

If an unapologetic OM came on site I would imagine he would get slated from both sides, if he were totally honest, possibly because the majority of posters are female and can relate, whatever part they play in his life.

Edited January 27, 2011 by seren
typo

[NoIDidn't]

We had one on here and he was so so so arrogant so misogynist and so hateful it was horrible. He really hated women didnt know why the OW didnt know her place. In the end many of us concluded that it was a BS trolling as a MM.

 

Was the conclusion that no MM could be such a jerk if he really is a MM?

 

I agree, Wo. Why the assumption that it was a BS?

 

Trolls on this forum don't have to be those affected by infidelity. People all over the net know about that "other" OW site and constantly troll it. And most aren't BS. They just think the people posting there are dumb enough to fall for it and get all up in arms about the trolling. And it always works there....and here unfortunately. But thankfully, not as much as there.

 

I do agree that the poster definitely came off as female, but I can't assume that the person must be a BS.

[SidLyon]

Well here's some paraphrased posts hypothetically from an unapologetic AP - genders reversed.

 

Respect!! OW must respect my need for space, independence and my own life. They have their own, and so don't (typically) attempt to crowd, cling, suffocate or possess. They are happy to meet me as an equal, on my terms, at my whim, and (typically) feel no need to parade me around like arm candy to boost their own egos. I found single OW to be such losers, even the ones who looked (on the surface) like women who had it all and had it together. Invariably the time would come - pretty quickly - when I realised why they were single!! Relationships with MOW were far more satisfying. It's nice to be valued and respected and treated to the R you want and you deserve, not relegated to some second-class position in some loser single OW's life.

 

If any OW breaks the conditions - by wanting more, by contacting me in any way, by wanting to become a friend instead of just a lover, by wanting to integrate herself into my life in any way, she's summarily dumped. If I tire of her, she's history. If I look through my phone book and see I haven't called her in a while, she's history. If she buys a new car I don't like, wears an ugly dress or shows any other sign of bad taste - she's history. If she gets clingy, she's history. If she starts talking about her home life, she's history. If she starts wanting to hear about my life, she's history.

 

I lived my life on my terms, I only wanted hot sex with any woman who caught my fancy, every OW I was involved with serviced me on my terms and my time schedule. Every OW I screwed fell in love with me and wanted to marry me so I then dumped every OW who fell in love with me.

 

I wonder how such posts would be greeted?

 

Certainly similar posts by the OW passed virtually without comment.

[NoIDidn't]

Wow, Sid. That is pretty offensive.

 

And amazing that one of the OWs, or, er, former OWs, actually posted it on how they felt about dating single guys vs. married ones.

 

No sane man would date such a woman if they knew she felt that way, married or not. And no sane woman would date such a man that could throw women away on a whim.

 

Yuck.