Binkini Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 We've been together for a year (I'm 33, he's 38). I'm completely in love with him and never stopped. Back in July we broke up for 2 days. His reasoning was at the time his 12yr old son had a problem with him having a GF. So not wanting to lose eachother we decided to keep our relationship (for the most part) from his son. I just didn't go over when his son was home. Early November we broke up for 3 days, then he said that he needed to figure some things out and that he wanted to see if he could fix whatever was missing. After those 3 days he told me that he was completely wrong, and he was wrong for ending things. He even said that he wanted to marry me at some point and he couldn't live without me. And I was the only woman he had truly ever loved. Considering how much I loved him, I took him back. So the past week or so he's been a little distant. I noticed that he wasn't calling as much as he always did (he'd call ME up to 10xs a day, no joke). I thought something was up, but I chalked it up to him being concerned about a pending promotion. He called yesterday afternoon and said that he "was done" and that it wasn't fair to me. And I deserved a better man. I was so upset, I could't utter a word other than ok, and I hung up the phone. I got up the courage to go to his house (he lives directly across the street!) and said I wanted to talk. He apologized again, and said I should be treated like the princess I am, and that he was happy being alone like he had been for the many years prior. He said he was content with him being alone, just him and his kid. Then he uttered the words that made my heart drop. He blurted out "I have no intentions of ever marrying you, and I have no intentions of ever bringing you around my son again". This comes from the man who always said I was the best thing to ever happen to him. He still went on and on about how he truly loved me, and it was unfair to me since he has relationship/commitment issues. He also said that he has been feeling like this for the past few weeks, of course that didn't stop him from wanting to have sex with me. He assured me there was no other woman, and I won't be seeing any at his house. Prior times we separated, he said that he was surprised that I didn't fight for him, or that I didn't call him. I figured give him space. This time around I don't know if I want to fight for him. He's the only man I have ever trusted 100%, we never even had a fight in the past year. I was completely happy, now I'm just heartbroken. I wanted a future with him. I can't bare looking out my windows and seeing his house. I'm sick over this, and I still can't eat. Sometime this week I'll need to go over and collect my belongings. How could he go from saying he loved me so much to throwing me out like I was trash?! I did everything for him, from cooking, laundry when his washer broke, to taking care of him while he was sick, and I get this. Ugh
edgeofdarkness Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 fool me once more fool you, fool me twice more fool me, fool me a 3rd time, I dunno what that is, but u asking questions wont change the fact that its over and you shoud be whooping for joy. hes a confusd guy whos scared of comitment and u r the victim. U r so lucky to be free of this dude.
Author Binkini Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Some background on him: He has sever OCD, not to the point where he's washing his hand 50xs a day, he over obsesses with little things that wouldn't worry other people. Example we went to the store to order a new washer, we also ordered hoses. We come home to him worrying that he could possibly reuse the old hoses and WHAT IF the store wouldn't allow him to return the $15 hoses! And he thought he was going to be up all night coming up with a reason why the store should take these things back in case the said no. Things like that drove me nuts. *** He also has zero experience w. relationships. He pretty much married the first girl he dated after only dating a few months. She quickly became pregnant, the baby was a month old, and she asked for a divorce. Since then he dated a couple of woman, but outside of his marriage, I was his only other real relationship.
carhill Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Likely not adequately supportive but I'd never be in a relationship with a mentally ill person. Did that duty as a son for a number of years and it nearly killed me. The clear sign is what I call the 'light switch' of behavioral changes. His words and actions chronicled here set off alarm bells. Here's your sign: We come home to him worrying that he could possibly reuse the old hoses and WHAT IF the store wouldn't allow him to return the $15 hoses! And he thought he was going to be up all night coming up with a reason why the store should take these things back in case the said no. Things like that drove me nuts.I did things exactly like this, completely outside of my normal psychology, when caregiving. It's known as 'caregiver crazy'. My exW felt exactly like yourself (drove her nuts). I hate to say this but you're likely going to have to move domiciles. With such people, there is no predictable pattern of behavior or emotion. Obviously, only a trained and credentialed clinician can evaluate him properly but I offer my opinion as an experienced caregiver, FWIW. My sympathies....
JrRos Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Sounds like a very indecisive person. I mean at that point in his life, I think he should have a rather clear idea of what direction he wants to take his life. I've been indecisive in relationships before. I didn't know what I want. I hurt my last partner a lot of times, till she decided to leaver. When you don't know what you want, you get a lot you don't. Point is that I think you're better off trying to find a serious commitment with someone that knows what he wants.
Author Binkini Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Carhill, Thank you for your insight on this matter. I've struggled at times to accept his behavior, only to tell him I'd help him work though whatever may be bothering him at times. I also told him to please TALK with me before he starts to act irrational. Which he has never done. He jumps to making decisions, then he later regrets it and comes crawling back. I understand he does have this illness, and I have never experienced this in any relationship I've had. The last time he did this he promised me he'd never hurt me again, and that he'd seek help. Which he didn't. I have asked him to look into taking meds for his OCD/anxiety, but being a police officer he can't since it would delay his reaction time. And you're 100% correct about the "light switch". I noticed that many times the past year.
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