GoingInsane Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I've been NC with my ex since New Yrs Eve, having stupidly remained friends after our break in September. On the whole, I've found NC reasonably easy to maintain (just a couple of wobbles) and its doing the job; but I'm finding gaining new information just as destructive and harder to maintain. By new information I mean anything that gets me thinking again. Perhaps a glimpse of her car (is she car sharing with her new lover? Can she afford to keep it running now, random thoughts just popping into my head). A new profile pic on FB (no longer FB friends but haven't blocked her - thoughts racing whenever she changes her profile pic). Mutual friends mentioing her, work colleagues talking about her. Sometimes it feels like everyone I talk to during the course of the day either mentions her or the new fling - its usually innocent as well as work colleagues don't know the situation and are mentioning them in terms of work issues. Last night a close mutual friend talked to my ex for the fist time in 4 weeks (my ex had been laying low). Of course this brought a lorry load of new information to me. I'm glad I heard it, but now it has just raised more questions, more reasons why I don't trust her, more obsessing about when, why and how. And guilt. For some reason, despite everything she did, I feel guilty that she is probably being used by the person she had an affair with. I feel guilty that our mutual friend told her I'm fine, I'm getting on with things and have moved on when I haven't, and this news upset my ex. How much lack of self respect must I have to feel sorry for her right now? I need to stop being given constant reminders so I can move on properly - but its actually impossible due to the work situation. And now she's made up with my best friend, I'll know that there will be a load of new information every time they see each other. I won't be able to stop myself from asking. I hate this.
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