darran Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 So me and my ex have been broken up for almost 4 months now - I admit it was my fault she had to call it off. I have been doing everything to get my head straight and emotions back to normal. Gym, not partying, not drinking heavily or doing anything that caused the problems in the first place. She has been with a new guy now for around 2.5 - 3 mths. He left for a month but she is still persistent on remaining broke up for a "while" yet. Just recently we chatted again, she called me to apologise and say to let bygones be bygones. She also said to leave things for a while and maybe we could meet up and have a coffee and see what happens but we both need to leave the old relationship behind us. I had enough basically and said to her I wont be around and good luck. I blocked her number on my mobile. She has been calling 2-3 times a day on my house phone (I haven't been picking up), sending me emails etc... just things like apology's and nothing else but small talk. I replied to one email and told her to leave me for a while because I am too angry with everything (going with another guy) and I really don't want to speak with her and it turn into an argument. I don't know what to do... I know staying in contact is proving way to much for me. I do want her back but I want her to WANT to come back. I don't want to be told "leave it for a while and we'll see what happens" and then hang on to false hope again. I just received this this morning: Em, i tried 2call ya earlier but no answer.. I was goin 2 wish ya a happy birthday! .. Have a gd one darran! Xxxx I am completely blanking her but is this the right thing to do?
Author darran Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) Ok, last night... I picked up the house phone. She called. She chatted about certain things etc... and came out and said. "I still love you in a strange kind of way." I was surprised to hear this after all, I mean she has been slating me for a while. She also said... "I don't know what to do... I am with this guy but I don't like him as much as he likes me. I don't love him and I just see it as a bit of fun. I don't know what to do." Bare in mind, I too am having fun... so no double standards. I suggested that we should keep in touch... try to reconnect and see what happens but I am not going to be doing this for much longer as I really am getting tired of this. It has now been 4 mths and she's been with this rebound for about 3 of them. I didn't push the matter at all. I just broke NC to pick up her call. I still feel 50/50 about everything. I do want her back but not by me forcing her or anything other than her wanting to genuinely do it. She was chatting about how we could have made things better, I listened, and she brought up a lot of good things we did... was reminiscing about certain things we did and it seemed like she and I were talking like old times. I cut the call short and said: "look, just leave it for a week, we'll then keep in touch, not regularly, just occasionally but I don't (taken from advice from here) want to disrespect this guy you have found yourself tied up with as I wouldn't like that done to me. If anything changes then we'll take it from there and if not we'll call it a day for good and at least we'll have no hard feelings." She agreed. This morning I got a text: "that was the nicest conversation I have had in a while with you. xx" Anyone please tell me what I should do???? I "think" this is a positive sign... I don't want to get my hopes up. Remember, the reason we broke up was not because she needed space, or fell out of love but more to do with how I was and how I treated her. It was an intense relationship, and coming to the end we fought way too much but we have always loved each other. I just hurt her way too much. Thank you again for reading. p.s. Are there any girls who could shed some light on this for me please? Edited January 27, 2011 by darran
Rose T Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 p.s. Are there any girls who could shed some light on this for me please? I'll have a go! "I still love you in a strange kind of way." This is a horrible, wishy-washy thing to say. You don't need to be a girl to interpret this. It's not good. It's "I'm still kind of attached to you" (of course she is) "but I can't say I love you without then unqualifying it with this piece of crap, 'in a strange kind of way' ". . "I don't know what to do... I am with this guy but I don't like him as much as he likes me. I don't love him and I just see it as a bit of fun. I don't know what to do." She is choosing to be with him! but she is being - what I think they call - a branch swinger. Still hanging onto you because she's not settled into the new relationship. Or she's telling you lies to keep you hanging around. Not very cool either. She does sound a bit weak and pretty confused but she's basically stringing you along. "look, just leave it for a week, we'll then keep in touch, not regularly, just occasionally but I don't (taken from advice from here) want to disrespect this guy you have found yourself tied up with as I wouldn't like that done to me. If anything changes then we'll take it from there and if not we'll call it a day for good and at least we'll have no hard feelings." I have to say, this was a stroke of genius and I am definitely going to use it on my ex!! Brilliant reverse psychology - instead of giving her a "it's him or me" ultimatum, you stand back with a gentlemanly gesture and say "i couldn't possibly!!" MUCH BETTER! Now that's what I call getting her confused right back!! "that was the nicest conversation I have had in a while with you. xx" You got her confused. She wasn't expecting that at all. But... do you want to be with someone you want to play like this? How tiresome that you can't just be yourself. Even if you do get back together, how long could you trust her for? I agree, its gratifying knowing that some LS tricks work but you are not in a circus and you could probably be having more fun with a new girl.... I know you are out there, but just my 2 cents.
JrRos Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I think you and me are in the same boat. Difference be that I just started. I treated my ex bad, and hurt her a lot. Now she's with someone else blah blah blah... One of the good things I learned out of what happened is that when a person in a relationship does not know what he/she wants it's really a gamble, anything could happen. Tell her what you want. Give her a set time to think about it and make her choice- while you have no contact with her. If she comes back then hope for the best and right all you did wrong. If not, then good luck.
Author darran Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 any ideas what I should do? maybe leave it for a few days... and if nothing changes then just NC?
Author darran Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 thanks for the replies by the way.... Rose T, thanks for the break down! helps!
Rose T Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 thanks for the replies by the way.... Rose T, thanks for the break down! helps! You have to go NC - I think she will come round fishing for information sooner or later. But if you get her back with tricks then you might feel like you have to permanently keep her on her toes to then ensure she sticks around. My ex is a bit like yours - I've got him on the hop again but I've realised that I can't be bothered to keep up the games... it's so much nicer to be around someone enthusiastic and eager to be with you! I know you still think a lot of her but I think second chances are highly overrated...
Graceful Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 any ideas what I should do? maybe leave it for a few days... and if nothing changes then just NC? Darran, I didn't get the impression you were trying to outsmart her or play games in your responses to her, I just thought you were being mature, and that does show growth on your part. What more is there to explore with this person? It didn't work before, what possibly has happened in so short a time to make it work now? Not much. She's dating another guy that she's not even sure about. She's chasing after you behind his back. Nice. Not. The reason? She's looking for some validation. She's looking for happiness outside of herself, but she sounds very unhappy on the inside. So do you want to be involved with that again? Additionally, she's very immature and didn't know how to take a hint and leave you alone. That's selfish, self-centered, and disrespectful. So that's not GF material, IMHO. This ship has sailed. Done and done. I was exhausted just reading about it, let alone living it. Relationships are not supposed to be "work projects" they should be "a work in progress" --- well, are you making any progress with her or see any on the horizon? I don't. Say good-bye and stop using a microscope to try to see something that isn't there. Sorry.
Recommended Posts