TheThinker Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Original: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t261405/ Update: Ok well i have spiralled out of control. I cant "not" speak to her because of our daughter. Our plans have sort of fallen into place for custody, as opposed to us sorting everything out and i am seeing my daughter 4 times a week if not more. Now in terms of this other guy on Saturday i said to her look i can see you have feelings for him and she admitted that she does have feelings for the other guy but she knows she cant do anything with them and thats not the reason the relationship ended like it did. She looked me in the eye and told me that nothing was going on, she had looked me in the eye and told me before as well. The relationship ended because over time we got into such a comfort zone and were leading different lifes, drifting apart over time without realising it. I have a big part of blame in this because it was me that wasnt making both her and my daughter my priority. Its taken this whole situation for me to realise this and what i want from my life and it certainly isnt to be apart from both of them, although i know its something i myself cant change. I know for certain now that i have had the kick that the things that i need and want in my life more than anything. We both need time in respect of everything. As hard as this has been for me, it has also made me make the biggest realisations in my life. Why have i never taken the time out and spent proper time with my daughter on a regular basis before... I absolutely love it. I feel like a mug for wasting the times we should have had in the past both with me now ex and my daughter. This has opened my eyes to the things i want in my life, the things i dont need in my life and the biggest thing of all, my lifes prioritys ... certainly not how or what i was doing before She told me in respect of this other guy that "He made me realise what was missing in my relationship, what I wanted and needed in my relationship...hearing things like that added in with him actually wanting to talk to me and enjoyed my company probably made me have feelings. I enjoy his company and I do like him....that doesn't mean my feelings are stronger for him...I know all this is hard to hear but you asked and its easier for me to put it like this. Maybe it is a little crush or something, I don't know. He is just a friend to me" She said she knows and understands that i have feelings for her but i have to realise there are a lot of things in the past that she wants to get over and doesnt think she is ... She said she is not saying she cant feel how she should again but at the moment she knows she can't. If that time comes she doesnt know when it will be. I am not ready to move on at the minute and i know it sounds melodramatic but i dont think i ever will be able to. i dont know where to move on to. I cant see any light at the end of any tunnel, i feel more like the tunnel is the shape of a spiders web and there is no real way out. my life is just going to be so mundane, i dont want to be like that ... people will say you can do what you want with it but i really cant. I have to see her almost every day - I have to go through the heartache again and again and again for the rest of my life. Even if i do move on this wont go away ... I was so close to dedicating my entire life to her and i still would in an instant given the chance Even when i see my ex before her (which is very rarely) i still get a horrible feeling in my gut like i have been punched and i didnt feel for her anything like i do for my ex. I thought it was love but it wasnt, what i feel for her is genuine love. Maybe i am just too oversensitive - no-one see's me in this light, everyone sees me as the happy go lucky, loud guy who is always up for a laugh. What they dont see is that behind all of that i am someone with a big heart who is hurting so much at the minute that i dont know what to do with myself or my life. I have immersed myself in my friends, i have tried to stay busy all the time but even thats not working in the majority. I have tried to stay busy but even doing that i stop and i think about everything thats going on no matter what the situation i am in. As you can imagine anything and everything reminds me of her so i cant even listen to music, watch tv etc I have no appetite, no sleep pattern... nothing. I can eat grapes, oranges and bananas for some reason so have been trying to eat as many of them as i can but i know its not enough but the thought of eating just makes me feel physically sick. I managed a sandwich the other day at about 17:00 but i felt ill all the way through the night and didnt get any sleep because of it. I have lost about a 1 1/2 stone (21 pounds) - I know i need to pull myself together and i have tried everything i can, i have tried to hard but i cant. I am a physical and emotional mess To also make it worse, we have somehow set a precident in terms of how we talk to each other. I cant do no contact because of my daughter. We have always said we dont want to be the people that drop her off on the doorstep and dont see her. She is happy for me to go in and say goodnight to her etc and she doesnt want me to feel like i cant do that. I dont want to be like that either ... I dont know what to do ... What steps to take next. I feel so empty and lost
z00m25 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 i know exactly how you feel. i to am going through some of the same feelings, tho i dont have to see her everyday and i dont have any kids with her. The first week i was a wreck, i felt like a complete zombie. i didnt eat anything and slept all of 6 hours for the entire week. I moved out of state with her and was living with her and when she left it felt like i had nothing left. i called all of my friends and they told me to keep busy and stay out as much as possible. but i honestly have noone out here and i was afraid to go out and drive with my then sleep pattern. It wasnt until my mom came out and brought me home that i was able to sleep, i slept for 3 hours in the carride home and then she took me out to dinner and forced me to eat. When i got home after the weekend i started going to the gym (highly recommend this). its been 16 days total for me and the hardest days of my life but i am now clinging to the hope that i will some day be over it. Even on days when i have no motivation i force myself to go to the gym and while im there nothing else matters except myself and i leave feeling exhausted and actually kind of hungry for the first time in what feels like forever. Im by no means over her she hasnt said virtually a thing to me and i know shes talking to other people but working on yourself is def the way to go at least to start. Best of luck to you.
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