gromit Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 So after 3 months of NC I had to make a roadtrip down memory lane to pick up my personal belongings that stayed behind when we broke up. I really needed to get them back to get on with it. I was in pretty good spirits when I left (I had a really fun date last week), but it's way over 2000km, and my radio didn't work so my mind started playing some tricks on me and the closer I got, the more nervous I became. I arrived quite late, she had left the key, and we pretty much agreed to not see each other, just to make it not any more awkward than it already was. What a mind**** going into that house, pff. So many memories. I called a friend, who came over, which helped a lot. I went to sleep, got up really early and loaded the car, and then it happened: she just turned up out of the blue, said she finished work early. we went for lunch, had a strawl on the beach and then she hugged me and we kissed... It felt so familiar and nice, and I knew then it was gonna hit me in the face when I was gonna leave, but it was too late (too much chemistry I'm afraid ). we went home for a movie, and I'm not even gonna go into what happened after that. In the end I stayed the night (it felt so like home...), and left when she went to work. It was the hardest and longest drive of my life... she texted me a couple of times to say how sad and final it all felt, and how much she loved me and all that, which kinda got me through the trip. Fortunately, the closer I got to home, the better I started feeling. I think having seen how different our lives have become gave me closure, and I know that I'll be OK, it doesn't feel black and desperate like it did when we broke up 4 months ago. I'm glad that we have been able to talk about things with a clear head, too bad things got out of hand after that (quite an understement), but rather that, than shouting bitter things at each other. I hope we can get on with our lives now, back to NC (that's gonna hurt). Life can be so hard sometimes...
Author gromit Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 I feel so stupid now for letting this happen, I should've refused and drove off, what was I thinking...I'm sorry LS for ignoring the advice, I knew nothing good would come from it It's all sinking in now and it's hurting like hell again, because I know now we're never gonna be together again. I really thought there and then that having a last good day with her would give me some nice memories... I told my date from last week everything, so thats's the end of that as well, I'm afraid, although she said she understands, and she appreciated my honesty. I feel like I'm getting dragged back to square one all over again.. Why does she suddenly have to be so nice to me again? I don't get it.
BlindRage Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I want to first comment on how you said that now you hope that you could get on with your lives. Going and "doing" things with the ex you still love is NOT closure. Just thought I'd let you know. Lets break down this... I feel so stupid now for letting this happen, I should've refused and drove off, what was I thinking. I'm sorry LS for ignoring the advice, I knew nothing good would come from it Why the change of heart? Well see, contacting an ex, or getting any thing physically from an ex is nothing but temporary endearment and relieve. Actually, its horrible. Which then fills your head with more false hope and endless questions. Why are you sorry also? LS can't control your actions nor will you be punished for it. It is your choice to follow the advice that is give to you but in the end the only one that can help you is yourself. Don't apologize It's all sinking in now and it's hurting like hell again...I really thought there and then that having a last good day with her would give me some nice memories... Those memories are horrible little demons aren't they. You knew this was going to happen. Even if you received closure for your drive back then it settles in that you aren't with that person... but they showed 'feelings for you'. It's torturous that they show that little dim bright light at the end of the tunnel. In your heart you know the batteries ran out a long time ago though and its just like staring into the sun then closing your eyes, you still see the light, even though its just your brain playing its tricks. I feel like I'm getting dragged back to square one all over again.. Why does she suddenly have to be so nice to me again? I don't get it. Don't attempt to answer this question. Heck don't even ask it. Leave it at what it was and learn from it. Leave this women alone also.
Author gromit Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks BlindRage. it all makes sense. The funny thing is that I was doing so well before this trip. I think it all got stretched out because I felt like a part of me was still stuffed in a closet (I've taken a plane home when we broke up), and because we had to arrange something for me to go and pick them up, we haven't really been able to put it all behind us I think. I knew very well that seeing her again would be difficult, that's why we agreed to stay out of each others way, which didn't really work. then when she did show up, I just couldnt resist her attempts to get physical, I'm only human. Oh well, lesson learnt. again. Glad I found LS, there's a lot of smart and sensible people on here
BlindRage Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Gromit, I know my advice seems straight forward. It's just you know something: the only way to really learn something is it to actually feel it down to your core. I guess thats my own personal intake on life experiences. If you just scratch the surface then in a chain like reaction you will fall into the same pattern. I'm not saying that you haven't reach rockbottom but just saying the only thing we can get from getting our hearts broken is experience that hopefully we can follow in later times. Contacting your ex won't do any help and it brings pain knowing they have "moved on". Look at you buddy, you're still alive, and for a while got better before this obstacle. You will be in that point again. Picture yourself ten years from now I bet you'll remember this experience and then you will feel the closure of fondness.
SimonSerenade Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Damn this is making me feel a bit edgy now about when my ex finally comes to pick up her stuff, Doubt anything would happen though as she's completely healed of our relationship so she says but just seeing her again looking so different to how I remember her would probably bring me back to square one, With the way things ended it would be nice to talk things out and finally get some proper closure on the whole thing but can't see it happening, Sometime's the hardest bit to take is how she's changed and she's far from the person I remember, Think what affected you the most was driving away from everything you knew, Well buddy, Time to get to know something else, Something worth while that won't put you through this kind of torture. =]
comethemorning Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 So after 3 months of NC I had to make a roadtrip down memory lane to pick up my personal belongings that stayed behind when we broke up... I'm not even gonna go into what happened after that. In the end I stayed the night (it felt so like home...)... I'm glad that we have been able to talk about things with a clear head, too bad things got out of hand after that (quite an understement), but rather that, than shouting bitter things at each other. I hope we can get on with our lives now, back to NC (that's gonna hurt). Life can be so hard sometimes... Hun, don't keep beating yourself up. Most of us here have had "break-up-sex". Seriously. (BindRage?!?!?) Years from now you will look back on that day and smile. You really will. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but 20+ years later I can still recall the last time I was with the love of my life for the last time - his smell, the contours of his body, how it made me feel (k, gonna stop now ). File it in the back of your brain in the little compartment you keep those memories that you will never share with anyone. For now, strict NC, and work on your healing. We are all here for you. Peace.
Author gromit Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) Yeah, you're probably right, but in hindsight, I should've avoided it. It's interesting, I'm an extremely rational guy, and I've never been taken for such a ride by my own mind than after this breakup, it's crazy. I've been on both ends a couple of times before, but it's never been as bad as this one. It helps getting it off my chest though, and I know this too shall pass. Thanks to you guys! cheers! (They say it comes in waves, so you'll probably see me washing up here a couple of times in the near future.. ) @ SimonSerenade: Seeing how much she's changed in a couple months time was indeed a shock, but then again, I've changed as well I guess. It's just weird, because it's familiar, and yet it's not. Edited January 27, 2011 by gromit
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