she wants me to stay the night

[youngskywalker]

I've been dating this girl for less than two months and we started to have sex (about 6 times now). After a nice date we go back to her place or mine and go for it.

 

She's starting to really press how much she wants me to spend the night and wake up with her in the morning. Basically to do the live in boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Ummm, truth is that's totally new to me and I don't know if I'm (or we) are ready for that. Plus, I like to get a good nights sleep for work the next day too.

 

Anyway, so am I way off base with this? Is there an obligation to spend the whole night if you have sex with someone? How do you guys handle this and is there any of you who prefer to go home at night too? You know, date, sex, go home, repeat.

 

BTW, I really like this girl a lot and I'm looking for a LTR with her. I want to handle this correctly and keep the relationship growing but at the same time take things a little slow. I've never "slept" with any of the other girls I've had sex with so maybe I'm just scared or something I don't know.

 

The last thing I want is to come across as being cold towards her. If I must sleep with her then I will but in my mind sleeping together is almost "the next step" I'm really feeling confused about all this so I'd like to hear what everyone has to say.

[ames]

your not "scared", your using her. There is NOTHING WORSE than having a man (especially one that you are "dating") go home after having sex. It is the lowest more $hittiest feeling. Ha..and men wonder why us women always feel used and that we look into things like this too much? Ha...because of men like you. Stop going out to dinner with her, tell her you arent dating..your f**k buddies, and thats it

[kalikula]

I don't think she's being weird about it. A lot of the time you sleep over with casual hook ups even. You've ALWAYS left after sex? I find that a bit weird actually.

 

Maybe you could try sleeping over one night when you don't have work the next morning?

 

I agree that that can sometimes make someone feel used. Since you like her and want to be with her then I don't see why you wouldn't want to spend the night with her other than your work concerns. Are you afraid of the intimacy?

[ames]

just read my previous post...sorry it sounded harsh...its just a really crappy feeling when you are dating (not casual sex but DATING) and they go home after having sex with you. Why wouldn't you want to sleep at her house? I have had a few casuals, and even they have had the decency to stay the night...

[youngskywalker]

Are you afraid of the intimacy?

 

Probably. But I'll just have to go with it.

 

Ames, I'm not using her. But now that I know she most likely views it as cold and indecent I can get with the program. Heck, I've never had the intimacy of sleeping with a woman but I guess there is no better time to start than now.

[ames]

AWW GOOD BOY lol!!

 

You will make her feel really happy bravo to u..

[Emilia]

huh? you think staying the night is the same as 'live in boyfriend/girlfriend thing?'. I have never had a guy leave after sex (not even when it was clear it was only a ONS) and I seriously doubt I would invite someone over again who didn't stay the night.

[oaks]

She's starting to really press how much she wants me to spend the night and wake up with her in the morning. Basically to do the live in boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Ummm, truth is that's totally new to me and I don't know if I'm (or we) are ready for that. Plus, I like to get a good nights sleep for work the next day too.

 

Do it. Waking up with someone can be great. If you're worried about not sleeping well then maybe save it for Saturday night (assuming neither of you work on Sunday).

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Well done youngskywalker..... As opposed to many here, you asked a question, got the correct answer from 2 women, realized you were being an idiot and are ready to do what is absolutely right (as opposed to hemming and hawing and explaining that people don't understand your position)..... Next time take flowers too (since you do like her and hopefully this is an LTR) and say are sorry you seemed insensitive, you are just new at this and look forward to wake-up sex too.....:laugh:

[GivenUp0083]

I've been dating this girl for less than two months and we started to have sex (about 6 times now). After a nice date we go back to her place or mine and go for it.

 

She's starting to really press how much she wants me to spend the night and wake up with her in the morning. Basically to do the live in boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Ummm, truth is that's totally new to me and I don't know if I'm (or we) are ready for that. Plus, I like to get a good nights sleep for work the next day too.

 

Anyway, so am I way off base with this? Is there an obligation to spend the whole night if you have sex with someone? How do you guys handle this and is there any of you who prefer to go home at night too? You know, date, sex, go home, repeat.

 

BTW, I really like this girl a lot and I'm looking for a LTR with her. I want to handle this correctly and keep the relationship growing but at the same time take things a little slow. I've never "slept" with any of the other girls I've had sex with so maybe I'm just scared or something I don't know.

 

The last thing I want is to come across as being cold towards her. If I must sleep with her then I will but in my mind sleeping together is almost "the next step" I'm really feeling confused about all this so I'd like to hear what everyone has to say.

 

My GF does the same thing. I have only been with her a month but we've spent a LOT of time together and things are going really well and the sex is awesome everytime.

 

A little history: I was single 4 years before meeting her and she had been in a 3 year LTR before meeting me. So for her the sleep over night thing is standard and it's still tough for me as I have a hard time sleeping with someone in the bed with me.

 

Just tell her where you stand...that you like her, you enjoy everything you do together, but you need time to adjust to sleeping over and you don't want to move too fast. She might actually appreciate you talking to her about this and make it clear you want something long term with her, you just want to ease into the sleepover thing a little slower.

[denise_xo]

Probably. But I'll just have to go with it. .

 

I'm sure you'll get used to it Seriously, it's nice to wake up on someone's arm, or fall asleep with them, or have morning sex. And I agree with the poster who said someone leaving after sex is a turn off, even in ONS situations.

[lovelylove]

Well... I feel differently here... I don't sleep well in someone else's bed... and when a guy sleeps in mine I don't sleep well either... never have... even when I was married for 20 years. Snoring, tossing and turning, and men tend to be heavier and bigger and make a kind of valley in the middle I keep rolling into, lol. I'm a picky sleeper and like things "just so", almost OCD about it...

PLUS I work the graveyard shift so things get REALLY complicated- I left my boyfriend's house at three this morning (I have to keep up at night on my days off or it throws me all out of whack)... he frowns but sleep is sooooooooo important.

I'm obviously in the minority here. But here's the thing- if it were the guy who didn't want ME to sleep with HIM I'd be offended- lol, I'd feel rejected and pissed off. I always try and explain myself and it doesn't seem to prevent me from having relationships (the last one was five years, this one is a year old but other issues are starting to make it seem like an inevitable split is on the horizon)...

Sleep is sleep- but if you could spend the night, even if you don't sleep well, and could nap at home later, it would make her feel better.

I'm so weird I wonder if I'll always be single, lol.

[OceanGirl]

I don't sleep well with someone else in the bed either.

 

Last night with new bf, I barely got 2 hours of sleep. But I am willing to sacrifice sleep for the closeness/intimacy. I also figure that the more I do it, the more I will relax and the easier I will sleep.

[Titania22]

young sky walker, I think you have made the right choice.

 

But I will admit, I find it near impossible to sleep soundly, when I am in someone elses place. It just feels wrong.

[Fondue]

Been lurking these forums for a little bit, but I never posted. Anyway, this thread stuck out to me, and I have to say something.

 

Anyway, I have never stayed the night after sex. After "completion," it almost feels absolutely necessary for me to put on my clothes and leave. I just get that disgusted feeling afterward and have to jet.

 

I never understood why I was like this, but I guess as someone pointed out, it may be related to an intimacy issue. I never got into "that."

 

I think I might have learned something about myself today .

 

- 23yo Male.

[youngskywalker]

I have never stayed the night after sex. After "completion," it almost feels absolutely necessary for me to put on my clothes and leave. I just get that disgusted feeling afterward and have to jet.

 

I never understood why I was like this, but I guess as someone pointed out, it may be related to an intimacy issue. I never got into "that."

 

I think I might have learned something about myself today .

 

- 23yo Male.

 

 

To everyone and Fondue-

 

So far, I don't sleep well with someone laying next to me. BUT.

 

I think it's mostly an intimacy issue with me. I feel really vulnerable. We did sleep the night together once and when I woke up I felt a wonderful feeling like nothing I've ever experienced. I really like this girl and I'm just going to have to let it happen. There is a risk in love and I'm willing to take it. Thanks for the responses in this thread; I know what I need to do... which is, love my girl

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I thought the "problem" was solved, youngskywalker realized he was being a sh#! and all would take of itself..... and then soem lurkers pounce and tells him there's nothing wrong to grab your stuff afterwards and run for the hills.....

[LittleTiger]

I thought the "problem" was solved, youngskywalker realized he was being a sh#! and all would take of itself..... and then soem lurkers pounce and tells him there's nothing wrong to grab your stuff afterwards and run for the hills.....

 

I think a lot of people in the 'dating' forum like to create drama where there is none!

 

I think youngskywalker has it sorted though.

[Emilia]

U have to be really selfish to expect someone to stay the night when that person has to go to work or school in the next morning. If that person is free on the next day then that's fine.

 

nonsense. if you can't stay the night you shouldn't be in a relationship. people are not there for your convenience

[in_absentia]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay in your own bed when you have a full day of work the next day, but really on weekends I think it's a little harsh to have sex then go home. It sounds like it's a bigger deal to you (signifies closeness and the next step etc.) then it is to most women and she understandably probably is starting to feel a little weirded out by the fact you always leave.

 

Plan to sleep over on a day when you're not working next. Or have her sleep at yours. It's really not a big deal, like other people say, even casual one night stands usually sleep over.

[Titania22]

nonsense. if you can't stay the night you shouldn't be in a relationship. people are not there for your convenience

 

By your definition I can't be in a relationship, because I still have kids at home (so won't spend the night), and won't have sex in the next room so my kids can listen to it.

[KTB3LL]

I had a hard time at first with the stay the night thing. I slept alone for over a year after my husband and I split. But my boyfriend now and I started out where he would stay till like 2am at first and we typically would lay on the couch. One night we just fell asleep and since then we have spent every night together. I can't imagine not having him next to me at night. We both work and he works 9-5 and I work 4pm-2am and we still sleep in the same bed every night. The nights I work when I get home he is right there in my bed sleeping and I love crawling in and snuggling up to him. He gets up and goes home to get his work truck and goes to work. But I do think maybe you should consider at first staying a couple nights a week. Eventually you will grow to love it,

[Jonno_S]

To me that means you're not that into her. I loved waking up next to my GF. It was the best - like I got my wish in my dream or something. I'd wake up and see her beautiful face and hair and smell and I'd just start kissing her. Loved it.

 

Why not try it on a weekend night when you have nothing else going on the next day and see how it is?

 

Oh wait, just read your later post...nice!

Edited January 27, 2011 by Jonno_S

[zengirl]

I've been dating this girl for less than two months and we started to have sex (about 6 times now). After a nice date we go back to her place or mine and go for it.

 

She's starting to really press how much she wants me to spend the night and wake up with her in the morning. Basically to do the live in boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Ummm, truth is that's totally new to me and I don't know if I'm (or we) are ready for that.

 

The bolded part is a weird reaction. If I were dating a guy who never wanted to spend the night with me or didn't think we were ready for it, I definitely wouldn't have sex with him. In fact, I've normally spent at least one night before having sex. I think it's weird to find it a problem to ever spend the night on some sort of emotional issue. If you can have sex, you can share some covers.

 

Plus, I like to get a good nights sleep for work the next day too.

 

Now this is understandable. But is it always a work day? Sometimes, if I (or he) have(has) a long day, work early, or whatnot, my BF and I don't spend the night together after a date (even if we have sex). It's not a big thing; it's just logistics.

 

Anyway, so am I way off base with this? Is there an obligation to spend the whole night if you have sex with someone?

 

I don't know if there's an "obligation" but it is typical to spend the night sometimes. Or maybe this is because I only have sex in relationships with people I actually really like.

 

BTW, I really like this girl a lot and I'm looking for a LTR with her. I want to handle this correctly and keep the relationship growing but at the same time take things a little slow. I've never "slept" with any of the other girls I've had sex with so maybe I'm just scared or something I don't know.

 

The last thing I want is to come across as being cold towards her. If I must sleep with her then I will but in my mind sleeping together is almost "the next step" I'm really feeling confused about all this so I'd like to hear what everyone has to say.

 

I do think your attitude is cold and withholding. I honestly wonder where it comes from. I hope things work out for you two, though if you're really sincere in your interest towards her (seems weird you wouldn't WANT to spend the night in that case). If you do spend the night, maybe you'll get some morning sex! That's always fun.

 

As far as the difficulty sleeping with someone, I find there's a period where it's more difficult, but it gets easier as you get used to it and the person.

[Billy_Boy]

Probably. But I'll just have to go with it.

 

Ames, I'm not using her. But now that I know she most likely views it as cold and indecent I can get with the program. Heck, I've never had the intimacy of sleeping with a woman but I guess there is no better time to start than now.

 

Ames is off base, tell her the truth, that you like her and you want to take things slow and steady but that you will get there. Dont force yourself into something you arent ready for. I think its absurd that someone can think you are using her or something, but if the situation were reversed people would e yelling at you to respect her feelings.