MissVegas Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I broke up with my boyfriend or 4.5 years. We haven't been talking much at all but we haven't been completely NC. He deleted me off facebook and we haven't talked on the phone or seen eachother since the breakup. He texted me tonight letting me know his grandpa had passed away.. His grandpa was really sweet to me and would always tell my x "X when you find a nice girl you're supposed to marry her" which was cute. Anyways I'm really saddened by this news but I'm wondering a few things.. I'm genuinely a nice person my parents did not raise me to be malicious or vengeful and even though we're broken up I wanted some opinions to go out about this situation with class and respect towards his family who I knew for 4.5 years and want to be the bigger person... If my ex invites me to go the funeral with him which will be out of town do I go? My ex may be out of town for work when the funeral happens do I still go to show respect to his family? Or do I just send some flowers and a card?? Or do I do nothing..?? I'm not sure if he even will invite me and I think that's kinda weird to just show up? So then I should send card and flowers?? Or a donation?
Hopeful30 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I guess it would depend on how long ago you broke up. If it was fairly recent, I would say within the year, then you should pay your respects (if you were close with the grandpa). If it's been a few years, you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything at all, but if your ex is asking for your support, I don't see why you can't give it.
DuskCrush Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I say--> send the flowers. It's a considerate thing to do without being too overt. Going to the funeral might be too much even though you were together for 4.5 years since you are, at this point, broken up.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Don't do anything, unless you want to keep this relationship alive. If you do want to keep it alive it's up to you how much you want to put into this. But doing nothing won't be perceived as some big slight--the man you knew is dead.
Author MissVegas Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 We broke up Dec.31 I think funerals are to respect the deceased but I also see it as paying respects to the family and his family treated me well and I'd like to remain on good terms with them especially his sister not that I'd think me not being there would be this huge thing but I think being there would be like oh that was nice of her..So confusing.
Star Gazer Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 You broke up less than a month ago? I think you must go. Not for him, but for the deceased himself and his family.
sully737 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I agree with Star, I think you should go, especially if you were close to the family, namely his sister. It would probably mean a lot to all of them to see you there... Probably even your ex. I mean, it is a funeral. Its not like you have to be there for 4 hours. You go, you pay your respects, tell them you're sorry for their loss... And you leave.
D-Lish Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I'd make the effort to go- your ex wouldn't have alerted you of his Grandpa's passing if he wasn't seeking some sort of support. It's only been a month since the break up and you were together for 4.5 years- you were a part of that family for quite some time, I think it would be the proper thing to do.
Cee Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 My ex husband's father died two months after I left him. I went to the funeral with my ex and then sat shiva for a couple hours. Relatives of my ex were coming up to me and begging me to get back with my ex. It was a really awkward situation. And my ex's attitude was that I should get back together with him. I think the challenge is that this is an out town funeral. There is no graceful way to go and leave quickly. It may involve hotel rooms and a little too much contact with your ex. I suggest sending flowers, a donation in the grandfather's name, and a hand written sympathy card to both the ex and the sister. You are also welcome to call the sister and express your condolences as well. I think that will be enough to convey your caring.
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Call him and tell him that you want to go and hope he's okay with that. Let him know that you adored his grandpa, and want to pay your respects to the family. Be honest and ask him to be honest as well, like if he feels weird about you going, then don't go, send flowers, write a note to his family to send your condolences.
edgeofdarkness Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 no, dont call him call the family and ask what they wd like u to do, do they want u there? can u send flowers?, This is not about u or him, this is someone elses funeral, so dont make it up to be a huge deal. call the family and get there opinions
denise_xo Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I say--> send the flowers. It's a considerate thing to do without being too overt. Going to the funeral might be too much even though you were together for 4.5 years since you are, at this point, broken up. I second this. Respectful but still acknowledging the boundaries of a break up.
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