Bad first time sex - is relationship doomed?

[OceanGirl]

I stayed over with my bf for the first time last night. We had sex after about 7 dates.

 

We did it 3 times BUT I'm concerned because it took him ages to come each time (even the first). I'm talking 90 minutes the first time and almost 2 hours for the next 2 times. By the end of it I was sore and ehxausted. We cycled through oral and tons of different positions but it still took him ages.

 

Btw he has no problem getting hard. He gets hard if I even so much as kiss him. When saying goodbye today he got hard even after the marathon sex sessions we had last night. He also has no problem staying hard for the duration. He just doesn't come for ages

 

He also knows that I want him to come quicker but he just couldn't. He apologized for this later and said that he is nervous because he hasn't had sex for a year after his last LTR ended.

 

Now my concerns are that things will only get worse as we do it more. If he isn't coming when passion is high what will happen when sex becomes more monotonous? Other than that the pure exhaustion of repeated marathon sex seasons is not appealing.

 

Of course there is a negative voice in my head that says that maybe he just doesn't find me attractive enough.

 

As we said good bye today he looked sad and kept telling me that things will get better. He caught me looking at the clock during sex and seemed hurt by that.

 

I dunno. Some thoughts on this issue would be much appreciated. It's like passion is high and we get extremely turned on by each other but the main event is dissapointing.

[Star Gazer]

Take a step back, sister. Don't be so negative yet.

 

If he had cum quicker, would the sex have been good? I'm assuming so, seeing as y'all went for 3 sessions and a total of, what, 5 hours of sex? (Ouch!!)

 

As he gets more comfortable, he'll cum quicker. I can promise you that.

[tigressA]

I agree with SG; once he gets more comfortable I bet he'll start coming quicker. He did say it was a year since the last time, and you two are still learning about each other. There's bound to be nervousness and awkwardness that will affect early performance.

 

I don't really understand the thought that you're not attractive enough...I would think that if he really wasn't that attracted to you he wouldn't be able to get it up in the first place. Anyway, STOP THINKING THAT. It was just your first night together, it'll get better.

[BobSacamento]

So is 90 - 120 minutes normal for you ladies in terms of first time with a new partner? Because that is what it sounds like.

[Star Gazer]

So is 90 - 120 minutes normal for you ladies in terms of first time with a new partner? Because that is what it sounds like.

 

Actually, no. More like, 5 minutes. If that.

[BobSacamento]

Actually, no. More like, 5 minutes. If that.

 

Now factor in a year drought...positive spin on this is polishing up a turd folks.

[Ariadne]

I'm talking 90 minutes the first time and almost 2 hours for the next 2 times.

 

Wow

 

And nah, the first times are usually awkward so, hey!

[Eddie Edirol]

I see this differently.

 

OG, I have this same issue, but it isnt because of non-attraction. The more I have sex, the longer it takes me to cum. I dunno why, its just the way it is. I would also hazard a guess that if you and him did it 3 times in one day, its because he truly enjoys sex with you. The most sensitive part of the penis is the tip, and if he is like me, and my tip goes numb after a while just from the friction, it will take a while to cum.

 

So what I do instead of exhausting my girl, is to just quit after a she cums a few times.

 

So unless youre a complete DUD in the bed just laying there, and you don't help out by doing sexy things, it aint your fault.

[Star Gazer]

The more I have sex, the longer it takes me to cum.

 

It took him 90 minutes the first time though. So, unless he was sexing someone else shortly before her (which it doesn't sound like he was), I don't think that's the issue...

[SmileFace]

He did end up "cumming" right?

Was the sex good?

Is he still talking to you?

 

What is the problem?

Stop thinking , please!

All the best in your new relationship

[tigressA]

I was in a relationship with a guy for a little over 6 months. The first time we had sex, he was a virgin (I didn't know at the time) and it lasted what felt like forever. We were going at it for over an hour total; he didn't even finish. But after that first time, it got so much better and he had no problem coming faster. It really seems like it was just nerves, OG. Just be patient, be positive, and communicate openly with him.

[SunsetRed]

Lol, I once date a guy who couldn't come. He was abusing prescription painkillers like vicodin and oxycontin. He could get hard and stay hard, but couldn't come. For the longest time, I blamed myself until I dumped his druggie @ss and found someone who was clean.

[Pfiend101]

did you cum oceangirl? This seems like one of those good problems. Usually its the other way around.... too fast.

[Star Gazer]

...communicate openly with him.

 

Apparently, he's already aware that he was letting her down:

 

He also knows that I want him to come quicker but he just couldn't.

 

 

I'm curious though, OG:

 

He apologized for this later and said that he is nervous because he hasn't had sex for a year after his last LTR ended.

 

As we said good bye today he looked sad and kept telling me that things will get better. He caught me looking at the clock during sex and seemed hurt by that.

 

What are you saying in response when he says these things?

[Stung]

So is 90 - 120 minutes normal for you ladies in terms of first time with a new partner? Because that is what it sounds like.

 

It's within normal range, yeah.

 

Our first time together, I've had guys who couldn't come at all, who took a long time to come, who came in under five minutes, who came in under one minute, who had a hard time getting it up, we've run the whole gamut. All but one of those guys were just suffering from nerves, because they already knew they really liked me/were maybe trying a little too hard to impress. If they'd had too much to drink of course that made everything worse. And by the second or third time, everything had evened out. My husband took a really long time to reach O the first time we were together, because he was a little nervous, had had a little too much to drink, and was wearing a condom. I was getting sore and exhausted and we'd been going at it for hours. By the next time we were together, his patterns/timing were much more normal.

 

The first few times can be high pressure on a guy, especially if he's really into you, OG. That can throw him a little out of whack. Be gracious and, if you really like him, try to work with him on it and keep trying. And if you're already getting sore and tired on the first round, there doesn't have to be a 2nd and 3rd round, you know. It sounds like BOTH of you might be trying too hard.

[OceanGirl]

Well, it may already be over.

 

He asked me to text him when I get home (he always does this so that he knows that I got home safely). I got home an hour ago and texted him and he hasn't responded.

 

So far - he never took longer than 10 minutes to respond to my texts. So this is abnormal especially given that he knows that I will be texting.

 

He may be one of those guys that just screws and runs. Despite the relationship label, I consciously went in knowing that this may be a possibility. I guess I am OK with that. I don't feel more attached to him after sex because sex was bad. I only feel more attached after good sex.

 

SG, I was a little to open about the fact that he lasted too long. When he apologized repeatedly, I just said It's OK, I was nervous too. But he kept going back to that topic and kept telling me that he will do better next time.

 

Looks like there may not be a next time

[ConflictedGuy27]

...backing slowly away from this thread.

 

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[Nexus One]

Well, it may already be over.

 

He asked me to text him when I get home (he always does this so that he knows that I got home safely). I got home an hour ago and texted him and he hasn't responded.

 

So far - he never took longer than 10 minutes to respond to my texts. So this is abnormal especially given that he knows that I will be texting.

 

He may be one of those guys that just screws and runs. Despite the relationship label, I consciously went in knowing that this may be a possibility. I guess I am OK with that. I don't feel more attached to him after sex because sex was bad. I only feel more attached after good sex.

 

That seems like a rather fast conclusion.

[Ariadne]

He is probably embarrassed.

 

And I heard that when guys masturbate and haven't had sex for a while it takes them a while to get used to it because it feels different.

[Star Gazer]

SG, I was a little too open about the fact that he lasted too long.

 

How exactly were you a little too open?

 

I have to say, criticizing his performance in the middle of the deed probably didn't win you any points, I'm afraid.

[whichwayisup]

He apologized for this later and said that he is nervous because he hasn't had sex for a year after his last LTR ended.

 

I think this is it. Just focus on oral sex and let the rest happen as it should. Don't worry, have fun!

[OceanGirl]

How exactly were you a little too open?

 

I have to say, criticizing his performance in the middle of the deed probably didn't win you any points, I'm afraid.

 

 

I said: "I wish you would come faster I am getting tired"

 

Then I just stopped being into it visibly and was looking around the room, checking out the time on my watch etc

[Star Gazer]

I said: "I wish you would come faster I am getting tired"

 

Then I just stopped being into it visibly and was looking around the room, checking out the time on my watch etc

 

Ouch. That was really mean. Is that how you treat someone you care about during such a sensitive time?

 

If he doesn't call, it's not because he's a hit-it-and-quit guy, but rather because he's convinced he can't please you. He's probably right. Honestly, I'm not sure any guy can. This one probably picked up on that.

 

Ask any guy what makes a woman bad in bed, and he'll say someone who just lays there or acts bored. How could he get excited enough to cum under those circumstances?

[OceanGirl]

He responded to my text but he doesn't sound as enthusiastic as he normally is:

 

Me: Hey you , I just got home, my mum is here talk to you tomorrow.

 

Him: Ok I had a great weekend. Looking forward to checking out your place soon. (note it is not a weekend - we have public holiday here in Australia but it is middle of the week, he is clearly not focused on what he is writing at all).

 

Me: I had a great time too looking forward to seeing you on Saturday.

 

Him: You didn't really have a great time but it's OK. Hey you know that song ..... I just found out it's played by Cult.

 

Me: Nice I will check it out on iTunes.

 

-------------------------------------

 

He didn't respond. I am pretty sure he is losing interest

[johan]

I said: "I wish you would come faster I am getting tired"

 

Then I just stopped being into it visibly and was looking around the room, checking out the time on my watch etc

 

I assume during the act he was pretty concerned that you were being pleased. That you were enjoying it and were happy to be with him. Instead of thinking of that you thought about yourself. You were deliberately blatantly insensitive, almost to the point of being rude. Even insulting as you looked around the room making sure he could tell you were bored out of your mind. And now you're worried the whole thing might be over?

 

What a nightmare to be with someone so impulsive and selfish. If I was him, I would have been so happy to hear the door close behind you.