loveforever Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 When going through the divorce my ex-husband said to me "I asked myself the question, if I would find you in bed with another man, would that bother me ??? And I had to answer NO !!!".....he said he doesn't love me anymore (only as the mother of our children)..... After a crazy roller coaster ride (holding at night and sex but still pushing to get divorced) I signed the divorce papers.....weirdly enough were getting along well after this.... The final papers arrived 4 days before my birthday and we had a heartfelt talk because up to that day I was hoping he had stopped the divorce..... Anyway....he held me and said he was sorry that I got the papers before my birthday (he wanted to hide them so it wouldn't ruin my b-day ), he told me "I love you" heartfelt and sincere....and I yelled "Then why did you go through with it ???? "....he said he had to to wake me up, marriage is just a piece of paper blah, blah, blah..... He also said he asked himself the same question again (the one with finding me in bed with someone else) and I expected again that it wouldn't bother him, but his answer was "I can't let that worry me right now !!!!" :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: Change of heart ???? He told me he doesn't know what the future holds but he's open for reconciliation in the future......he even said "If we remarry everything in the divorce decree is null and void"......and "I'm not sure but I think after 6 months living together we'd be common law married anyway"......(it's not the case in our state but WTF ) He told me before the divorce was final he is going to pay for my apartment until I'm on my feet (debt).....now he wants me to stay living in his house He does not want the kids to know..... He is real sweet and as I said we're getting along great, except my little remarks about "other girls" annoy him ..... We don't kiss, hold each other (except at night sometimes) or say I love you though..... He's changed his work hours from weekend nights to week nights starting march "so I can spend more time with the kids and you have more time to do your college work"..... I don't know how to take all this ???? Could he have a change of heart....if so why doesn't he show it to me....he knows that I would give him a chance in a heartbeat ?!?!?!?! What's with the "I can't let that worry me right now" comment.....would it bother him now ???? I've changed a lot the last couple of months.....I've started college, I'm working out, got slightly better at saving money and paying off debt...... Can someone explain this behavior for me ??? Because this arrangement right now is only benefiting me .... him.... not so much !!!!!
Kimberly89 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I think there is definitely still hope. Just make sure that he isn't trying to make it to where he is able to have his cake and eat it too...You don't want him to be keeping you around just because. You want to continue to be his wife. First, make sure he isn't cheating. If he isn't then, with respect and kindness, start trying to get more involved in each others lives. Consider counseling or a marriage seminar - they are fantastic for helping situations like this. Divorce will hurt your kids so much. Not just for now, but also in the long run. Avoid that at all costs. It sounds like he is second-guessing his decision for the divorce. There is still hope! This is fixable.
Author loveforever Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 I think there is definitely still hope. Just make sure that he isn't trying to make it to where he is able to have his cake and eat it too...You don't want him to be keeping you around just because. You want to continue to be his wife. First, make sure he isn't cheating. If he isn't then, with respect and kindness, start trying to get more involved in each others lives. Consider counseling or a marriage seminar - they are fantastic for helping situations like this. Divorce will hurt your kids so much. Not just for now, but also in the long run. Avoid that at all costs. It sounds like he is second-guessing his decision for the divorce. There is still hope! This is fixable. Thanks....but we already are divorced .....living in the same house....
Soxfaninfl Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I couldn't imagine living in the same house with my ex wife. I can't even do that with her now and we aren't divorced yet. It would be too awkward and my feeling of hurt and anger of what she has put me through would be running through my mind all the time. Plus, I've just started to date a wonderful women who also went through a divorce, and she understand the pain that I'm going through.
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